I'm Listening
by K'onix
Summary: Hilary is The Listener. She listens to her peers many problems. However, she has no one that listens to her problems. With secrets that can hurt many people, including her, she finds herself trapped. She just needs the right person to turn to… KaixHil AU
1. Distinguishing What is Not Being Said

_Listening is noting what, when and how something is being said. Listening is distinguishing what is not being said from what is silence. Listening is not acting like you're in a hurry, even if you are. Listening is eye contact, a hand placed gently upon an arm. Sometimes, listening is taking careful notes in the person's own words. Listening involves suspension of judgment. It is neither analyzing nor racking your brain for labels, diagnoses, or remedies before the person is done relating her symptoms. Listening, like labor assisting, creates a safe space where whatever needs to happen or be said can come. — Allison Para Bastien_

The images of that year, that time, haunt me. Her voice is always in my mind, in the very back, trying to get me to confess. She knows that I know. I know that I know. In extension, he knows that I know. I know because she told me.

Because people have always trusted me. They do, even now.

People confined me. Their deepest, darkest secrets they will tell me. Secrets they will not dare to utter to a friend, a brother, or a mother. Secrets that they will only tell me. Things that only open ears and blind eyes will understand. Because that is what I am now; I have become that because I did not stop it when I had the chance.

Through the long years, I have become The Listener.

I listen to others. I listen to their thoughts, hopes, maybe even stories every now and then. However, mostly I just hear their secrets: the bad things that they are ashamed of doing.

Things like not knowing who the father of their son is, even though they told their boyfriend that it was his.

Things like the secret life they have at home. The secret that involves an abusive father and drunken mother. This life never makes it to school or other places. The life at school is a happy one.

Things like the murder that they have committed in self-defense.

All these things you would be ashamed of, right. I know the people who live these lives. I know others, as well. They are all sad. High school is often a time of confusion, but to be so confused is a very upsetting thing.

"Hilary?" Ray asks, "Are you listening?"

"Of course," I answer in my soft quiet voice. It used to be louder, but I just cannot seem to bring it back to that volume. Listening involves more than hearing what it said, though. It is observing the way it has been said, the shape of the mouth that it comes from, the tone of the words. It is in the eyes as well as the invisible sounds that make up the language. My father used to tell me that listening was not always listening to the words, but to the body as well.

"But you understand, right?" he continues. "Mariah and I are great; she's great. But Selma, she's great, too."

"Mariah and Selma are close friends, and you are Mariah's boyfriend." I tell him. "It is understandable that you have developed feelings for both. You spend a lot of time with Mariah and Selma's usually there. So, yes, I understand."

'_It would be wrong for you to lead Mariah on like this,'_ is what I want to tell him, but I do not. Do not insult or anger the talker; the results are deadly. Besides, I do not deal well with anger or tears.

"So, do you think that they will understand?"

I sigh. "Understanding and accepting are two very different things, Ray. Do you think Mariah will understand or accept?"

He nods and walks away sadly. He was hoping that I would have the answer for him. I do not have answers. Not anymore. I do not come up with solutions; they are often disastrous. Besides, high school is a time to try a figure out your own problems. At least, that is what I tell myself.

As I walk to my next class, I notice the school's "bad boys" having a smoke by the old tree. They are always out there, so I do not know why everyone points as they pass by. It is so tempting to just walk over and sit with them. They would not like it, but they would not say anything. They are respectful like that.

Nevertheless, I will not. Because, just like me, they just want to be away from the school and the people in it. And I respect that.

My thoughts are still occupied by the boys that are the closest things I have to friends as I enter my math class. They are just so thought provoking.

First, it is Spencer. I was, and still am to an extent, afraid of him. He is tall and quiet, but very cocky. From what I gather off the gossip that I cannot help but listen to, he is a smart student but is flunking out because of lack of homework.

Next is Bryan. He still scares me half to death, which is more than I can say for the rest of the student body. He talks more than Spencer, but he is not exactly the chattiest of the group. He is an average student, and is trying hard to keep it that way. Only I would know that he actually puts forth an effort, though.

Ian is probably the only one I would ever have trouble listening to. For some reason, he thinks it is very cool to say 'fuck' in some form or another every fourth word. I know that it is probably one of his ways of disrespecting authority, but still. He is funny, though. Very funny. He almost makes me laugh. I want to laugh

The last one is Tala. He is the scariest. I can never tell what he is thinking or what he wants to say. Everything about him hides his true feelings: his voice, facial expression, and even his body language. His voice is one that sneaks up on you, sending violent shivers up and down your spine. He has blue eyes that can be so light that they almost seem white or so dark that you feel like your drowning in the darkest part of the ocean.

He just scares me. I think that he might know…

'_Hilary! Tell someone!'_

I swallow the sob that threatens to come up. I cannot start thinking of that right now.

'_Please!' _

Not RIGHT NOW!

'_You're the only one!'_

I rub the long scar on my left shoulder unconsciously; bringing my fingers across the soft bump that is barely an inch long.

'_Please…'_

As the voice fades, I find myself back in class, the teacher oblivious to my fazing out. I take up my pencil in hopes that no one notices that I was not taking notes. My heart calms down and I am able to focus more easily on what we are learning.

The day continued at that slow pace and the voice did not come back during school. It came back, however, when I was trying to go to sleep.

'_Hilary, please.' _It begs.

Even breathing, I remind myself. In, out, in, out.

'_You want someone to know. Tell somebody.'_

Even though the voice sounds like her, I know that it is just me. It is my mind trying to convince me to tell someone. And I would, if I could find the right person to tell.

'_It doesn't matter.'_

Sleep, I order myself.

'_Tell someone!' _

Sleep…

The next day is just the same as the first. I wake up alone, my mother already off to work. I go to school alone, because no one wants to be friends with The Listener. I go to class with my peers, but still alone. I sit at lunch, not alone.

Today is different from yesterday because the first person to sit down is Tala. He has not said anything but my heart rate has already jumped.

His blue eyes are neutral today, something that surprisingly calms me the slightest bit. He smiles, well, smirks, really. His teeth are stainless white.

"Hello, Hilary." Even though he is sitting right in front of me, his voice still sneaks up on me – the feeling of a snake slithering up my spine. I know he saw the shiver rake through my body.

"Tala," I acknowledge, my voice even shakier than before. It has to be clear to even the blindest man on earth that this person makes me uncomfortable.

"How are you?"

I look around for an escape. Is he serious? "Fine." I answer.

"Good, good."

I look around again, confused. "Is there something you need?"

"No, not really," he shrugs, "I just wanted to ask you something."

"What?" I push. Please make him leave; I cannot handle the sound of my own heart anymore.

His smirk changes from a respectful, playful smirk to a devilish, wolf-like one. "It wasn't really the gym coach, was it?"

As soon as his question sinks in, I jump from my seat and rush to the bathroom. Standing over the sink, I try to catch my breath. What was he thinking? Why did he ask that? What does he know?

How could he know?

After I manage to control my breathing, I splash some water on my face to cool it down. It does nothing. I walk out of the pale, disgusting school restroom when I am sure that I can keep what little food I ate this morning down. Tala is no longer sitting at the table, but I can see him from across the room with his friends.

The day continues, sadly, as I sit back down. Julia comes up and takes a seat. Julia is a cool, if not somewhat rude, girl. She always has a comeback on the tip on her tongue, but she is nice. I think that she is one of those few that actually deservers to be well liked. Her brother Raul is just as popular. He is kinder, though. Very nice. Once, he actually helped me pick up some books that I had dropped. It was a few years ago, but I still remember the smile he gave me when he walked away. I wonder if he knew who I was.

"I'm having a problem," Julia says quickly.

Really, who isn't?

"Problem? What kind?"

Julia starts twisting a dark brown strand of hair around her finger. "A bad one."

"How bad?" I ask.

She looks up, her emerald eyes flashing with worry. "Very bad."

What is she worried about, I think to myself as I stay quiet and wait for her. I obviously do not judge people based their problems.

"I'm…attracted to…Raul." she says.

If I were not so controlled, I would choke. "Interesting," I say instead.

"Interesting?" she questions with anger, "I'm having weird, not to mention wrong, thoughts about my twin brother, and all you can say is 'interesting'?"

"What would you like me to say?" I reply in a controlled voice, not jumping at her anger, as I would have done before. "Incest is bad and frowned upon? Please stop the nasty thoughts?"

"I don't know how." Julia admitted, rubbing her arm.

I look away. I listen to people, not help them fix their problems. Especially not ones like this.

"What should I do?"

I shake my head slowly. "I don't know." And I really don't. It is not a solution that I am hiding because of my own fears, but a real answer. How would I know how to fix that problem? I have never been attracted a relative.

Really, I never wanted to know in the first place. It is my dad's fault, though. He always taught me to listen.

Later, as I am walking out of school, I cannot help but think about lunch. First, Tala. I have a strange feeling that his smirk is going to haunt my nightmares tonight.

Julia's problem starts to dominate my thoughts as I see them leave together. They have always walked close to each other, but I always passed it off as their twin-ness.

As I watch them walk away from the school, I notice a familiar car parked on the other side of the street. I can see the person inside it as they watch the students leave campus. My breath is instantly caught in my throat as I see some freshman girl walk over, smiling as she jumps in the car.

I feel like running away.

'_No! No! Not again! TELL SOMEONE!'_

I can't do it, I scream in my head.

I fall to my knees as I try to stop the tears from falling too heavily. Tears of mental, physical, and emotional pain.

'_Please. Didn't you see her? So innocent!'_

No!

"Hilary," I jump, letting a strangled sob rip through my body as the shivers start up my spine and fly along my limbs.

"Tala!" I have no time for this; can't he see that?

He is not looking at me. He, too, is looking at the car. Hatred swirls in his eyes instead of the fear that I know is in mine. "You hate the person in that car as much as I do, don't you?" he asks as I pull myself up. It does not sound much like a question, but I can never be too sure with Tala.

I do not say anything, but start walking away from him instead.

He follows me anyway. "For me it's like an icy hate; one that can freeze from the inside, slowly, painfully. Or, that's what I hear."

I can really see that. Tala is an icy kind of person.

"What about you?" He steps in front of me, blocking my path. His eyes are dark. I have the feeling of water rushing over me, blocking out everything but him as I drown. "Is it an icy feeling or a flaming one?"

"Neither," I answer finally. "I feel nothing towards him."

"Nothing except fear," he says harshly, mockingly.

"I have to go." I push pass him and run for my car. It used to be my dad's, but he is not here anymore.

"You know, it's funny, really," he calls after me. "For someone who listens to everyone else's truth, you seem to run away from it a lot."

I am not running away, I tell myself as I rush upstairs to my room after making it home. I am not even moving away from it.

I am not moving away from the fact that Ming-Ming is dead and I know why.

I am not moving away from the fact that my dad is dead and my relationship with my mother is nonexistent.

I am not moving away from the fact that every time I thinking about school or the people there I get violently sick.

I am not moving away from the fact that I know all of this, and still suffer through it.

I am not running away from the truth, I am just not dealing with it. I am ignoring it. Or, at least trying to.

* * *

First chapter Done!

Sorry for the long wait, people. I know I promised this early, but crap happened. School sucks.

Sorry for any mistakes. Sorry it this story seems like it is going to fast. I always have that problem and am trying to work on it.

Kai will make an appearance…soon. Probably in the next chapter, since no good story can go more than a chapter without the mention or appearance of Kai. It is a rule, or at least my rule for the time being.

Thanks to all who review! I haven't posted anything new in a long time, so I'm excited to hear whatever anyone has to say.

And thanks to .zulka, she's been a big help with this piece.

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or it's characters. I do own "I'm Listening" and it's plot.


	2. It Becomes Apart of You

_When you listen to somebody else, whether you like it or not, what they say becomes part of you. -- David Bohm_

There was a fire last night.

That is the first thing I hear when I get to school in the morning. Apparently, the all-boys' school a few blocks away burned down. However, that is not what is important. What is important is that some of the boys are going to be attending our precious school in the mean time while their school is repaired. What is even more important is that most of them are _cute!_

Well, according to most of the girls in this school. Those poor boys.

I take a seat in my first period class and wait for everyone to calm down. I sit in the middle of the classroom. It is my least favorite place to sit only because you cannot hide from anything or anyone. As I quietly wait, I wonder what is going to happen now that there are new students in the school. Will they come to me with their secrets as well or will they keep them to themselves?

I would prefer the latter, but you know how life goes.

A group of boys files into the room, filling the open space.

"Class," the teacher starts impatiently. "I know you are all bursting with excitement, but we need order." Turning to the new students, she says, "When I call your name, take a seat where I point to."

This goes as slow as possible. All this commotion is giving me a headache. I am just thankful that I do not have to share my desk space with anyone.

After class is finished, with everyone in their assigned seats, I head to my next period in a hurry. I just want this day to end so that I can go home.

My next class is gym. I used to have Coach Granger, but he was arrested.

'_NOW!'_

This is my fault. I sigh as my headache starts to bang around my head. I thought about it first. I guess with all this going on, with seeing his car yesterday, it is easy to drag up but still, I wish I had not.

'_Hilary, please!' _The voice begs.

I am leaning against the wall alone while everyone else gets into his or her group of friends. Most of the people are surrounding Garland. He may not be the most athletic person in school, but he is the best looking one. Garland is not one of my most favorite people, but he only comes to me when he feels pressure from his family. Pressure is not something he is supposed to feel, so he cannot really tell his family or friends. I respect him enough to return the slight, barely noticeable nod that he gives me occasionally.

Then I see him, and the headache raging around in my head goes from being a slight storm to a hurricane; it is one of the worst headaches I have ever had.

For the rest of the day I am silent. I did not go to lunch, but instead I hid in an empty classroom. He is here today and I cannot be around him. I cannot think; cannot breathe, or even move when he is close to me. I hate the scared, worthless feeling he gives me and do everything I can to avoid it.

As I head for my car, I see him again. He is walking with the girl from before. She has long, red, wavy hair and green eyes. Her smile is bright and cheery. I remember when people use to be that way.

She gets into his car, still smiling. He looks over to me and smirks, his eyes glittering with laughter. As they drive off, I find that I cannot control myself. I start running in the opposite direction; I really will do anything to get away from him.

Eventually, I stop. I have come to a park. I cannot remember the last time I was at a park. It might have been when my dad was still alive.

I sit at the park for a while, just thinking. The sun starts to set, and I decide that it is time to head home. I find my way back to the school parking lot, which is now completely empty. I like it like this. It seems peaceful. Even the building that is usually so scary seems like it can be a happy place.

As I pull my keys out of my bag, I notice something on the other side of my car. Looking over the hood, I recognize it to be someone rather than something: Tala. He does not say anything, but stands up to his full height and walks away. I cannot begin to imagine why he would be here. That is another thing about Tala that unnerves me, he is just concepts and thoughts and ideas all rolled together. He does not make any sense, yet it seems like he is suppose to.

The drive home is even more quiet than usual, though nothing has changed. Maybe it is just my own thoughts getting to me. Maybe I should quit school. That would make things easier. Yet, I know my mother would never allow it.

I pull into my empty driveway, as I expected. She will not be home until I go to bed. That is just how it happens. It would not matter if she were here anyway. The only thing that changes between us when she is here is that we crowd each other. In an empty, three bedroom, two-story house, my mother and I will feel crowed with the other around. It has been this way for years. My dad was the glue of the family, able to make everyone happy at once. Neither of us ever got over his death. We never grew together as the family that my father would have wanted us to be.

I finish my small dinner and continue my homework in my room. It is a simple room, with a desk, a bed, a dresser with one picture on it: my father, of course. Despite all the trouble he has caused me, I cannot bring myself to have an angry thought towards him.

The workload from school is light due to the additions to the school, so around eight thirty I am left with nothing to do. There is a television downstairs, but I never watch it, so I doubt I will be able to find anything good. The library is still open, but I do not really want to leave my safe-haven. I suppose I could listen to music to fill the silence. Maybe if I find a station I do not listen to, the new songs will distract me long enough for me to fall asleep.

My plan works, and the next morning I wake up to a talk show that is annoying like most. I am in yesterday's clothes and my bedside lamp is still on. I yawn and stretch, pull the blankets away and find a path to my bathroom.

My routine is the same, and I am almost able to forget the oddness of yesterday. Like I did the same things as everyday: got into my car, drove home, ate, did homework, and went to sleep; nothing to do with a park or the weird things Tala does.

Yet, it is all still there in the back of my mind. I enjoyed the park. It was calm and peaceful. The leaves are falling from the trees this time of year, and the park looked like a piece of artwork.

I would not hate being there again, I realize.

The school parking lot is ugly again. Students have parked their modern cars in the open spots and ruined the sight of the quiet building. I find a place and collect my things. As usual, I plan on sitting in my car until the bells ring.

I close my eyes and just breathe. Another day of the same thing. It is only a few minutes of my breathing when the door opens and Ian climbs in.

My small scream amuses him somehow.

"Geez, do you always sit in silence?" he asks, reaching for the radio dial. "It's fucking annoying."

I can do nothing but stare. He finds a station he likes, and suddenly there is screaming and guitars streaming through my never used speakers.

"Ah, that's better." He smirks. "So, how the fuck are you this fine morning? Good? That's nice. I'm good, too. Thanks for asking. Yep, doing fucking great."

Finally, I find my words. "Why are you here?" I ask. Back when things were normal, I would have told him to get out. I cannot find the courage to do that anymore.

"I can't talk to you?" He seems pissed. "You talk to every-fucking-one else; why not me."

"Did Tala send you?" It seems like a good question to me. Tala has been following me around lately.

"Oh, so because I'm friends with him, he's my goddamn leader?" Ian asks. "Listen here, missy, that red haired fucker is not my leader."

I sigh. I do not know why, but I do.

"Even though he has some real interesting ideas," Ian continues, a large smirk growing on his face.

I turn to look at him, not clearly understanding the meaning behind his words.

"Shit, that boy has it is his little head that the coach isn't the one to blame for the 'accident'." I gasp; Ian chuckles. "I don't know what the fuck to believe. All I know is that now that that man is gone, I don't have to run in gym anymore. Fuck. You wouldn't know anything about it would you?"

'_Say it now! He's asked!'_

I cannot believe that the voice shows up now. I do not like Ian, why would I tell him anything. Instead of replying, I jump from the car, leaving the keys and Ian behind. The thought that the car was one of my dad's most beloved possessions and I left it with Ian, a known troublemaker, does not seem to bother me as I find a place to hide until class starts.

It is when I turn the corner that I run into someone. As I lay on the ground after falling, the thought, 'why is it when people are always trying to run away, they run in to someone,' passes through my mind; it seems to be a cliché, if I remember correctly.

There is a grunt above me, so I look up. The person I ran into is a boy I have never seen before, so I conclude that he is from the all boys' school. Slowly, he offers a hand. I judge it. It has been a while since anyone has offered to touch me.

A way to politely refuse does not come to me, so I accept his hand. In the shadow of the school, I can clearly see his features. They are smooth, but somehow hard. Sharp eyes and unruly hair finish his look. Defiantly the type I stay away from now; the type to hold many secrets.

The bell rings and the students in the front yard start towards class. With a slight nod of thanks, I follow.

Classes go by faster today now that everyone knows where they are supposed to be.

I do not feel like eating at lunch, so I start on homework. I figure that I can just have a repeat of last night if I need to. There is a click across from me and I sigh; not even one question answered before someone disturbs me.

Preparing for someone to unload mountains of guilt on me, I look up to see that it is not one of the regulars, but the boy from this morning. I had hoped that the boys would not know about me or that they would choose not to talk to me. I can only imagine what secrets those boys have.

I wait for him to start saying something, but instead he lightly picks at his meal, which is something he brought from home. He chews quietly, I note. The boys around here are all so loud when they eat. It is refreshing to see someone with manners.

Even though I should be thankful that he is not talking to me, I cannot help but wonder what he is doing.

"I'm eating," he shares with me, a harsh tone to his voice. I do not remember asking him the question, so he must be answering my stare. "People do that."

Gulping, I try to find my voice. It is soft. "But why are you here?"

He looks away from his food. "My school burned down."

I look away. "I meant at my table."

"Every other table is either full or loud," he explains, "You're table is neither; it is empty and quiet."

I know. "There is a reason for that." I tell him. Maybe if I tell him, he will leave. However, he is keeping away those who want to tell me their life and being quiet himself. So why I want him to leave, I do not know. I do know, though, that he makes me extremely uncomfortable. Not a Tala-uncomfortable, but in a different way.

"And that is…"

I look at him again. He has one eyebrow raised in question, though the look in his eyes clearly says that it does not matter.

"People," I start. Even now, after years of doing this, I cannot explain what it is that I do. What relationship I have with the rest of the student body. "People like to talk to me."

"People like to talk to you yet your table is more quiet than the rest?" he asks. "Yeah, that makes sense."

Strangely, I feel that I need to clarify. "No, people like to talk to me individually. Like…"

"Therapy?" he scoffs, followed by a smirk. "Are you the school counselor?"

Like therapy. I had never thought of that, because I do not think of myself as a therapist. My dad would have been a great one. I do not counsel anyone either. I just let them get things off their chest.

"Not exactly," I say, looking down. "Not even really."

"So people just like talking to you? For no reason at all?"

"I make people feel comfortable, I guess." I say.

"That is weird, because you hardly look comfortable here." He chuckles, "In fact, you never look comfortable. I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone who isn't comfortable with themselves."

I gasp. I cannot help it. He has been either talking to someone or watching me. Neither of those, I feel, can be a positive thing.

"You're always scrunched up, like you're being crowded; you're arms are crossed whenever they can be: a sign of either hostility or being uncomfortable. You don't look hostile."

I am about to run. I can feel it in my legs; that feeling that you get when you are about to flee. Suddenly, someone throws keys on the table, in-between the boy and me. I look up and see Ian standing there with a smirk.

"Fucking nice ride," is all he says before turning and walking away. Taking a quick look at the keys, I find that they are mine. I reach for them and notice that the boy is already walking away, dumping his lunch before leaving the room.

There is something off about this day, and it worries me. I can see my fragile, glued and taped together world falling apart more clearly than before.

* * *

Chapter 2! Hurray! So hopefully this is pleasing to most of you.

Some questions that I think I'm going to be asked or things I just want to inform you of.

**How long is this story going to be?**

If things go according to my plans, 'I'm Listening' should be about 13 chapters, give or take a few.

**What's with the voice Hilary hears? New Moon rip-off?**

I never thought about New Moon when writing this, honestly. Another person brought it up to me when reading it.

Have you ever done anything you know wasn't exactly right and just knew you were going to get caught, and the voice in the back of your head just reminds you of that every time someone talks about it. It's like that. Hilary's not crazy. She's just stuck with a horrible secret that she's afraid to tell anyone, and over time, due to the guilt she is feeling for keeping the secret, the voice changed from her own to Ming-Ming's.

**Are the quotes at the beginning of the chapters important?**

Not really, if you want to be technical about it. They just give a little insight to the chapter or what the characters are feeling. I like them, they fit, so they're there.

**Why does Hilary speak like a computer?**

It'll start making sense soon. I hope. And if it doesn't, then I'll explain.

As always, thank you to .Zulka for editing this. Life savior, really.

That's about it. Anymore questions or find any mistakes, please feel free to say something. Thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing.


	3. Every Head is a World

_"Listening looks easy, but it's not simple. Every head is a world." - Cuban Proverb_

I did not sleep last night. Not one wink. I did not toss or turn. I stared straight up at the ceiling with one thought going through my mind.

It has been four years since I last saw my father smile.

From the sound of sobbing coming from down the hall, I figure that my mother also spent the entire night remembering him.

My father was a great man. He held our family together with a smile and a listening ear. He heard everything, even the things that people did not say out loud. He could cure it all. My father could make my mother smile no matter what mood she came home with. I used to think it was just them: my mother and father, how they acted together. Now, I think it was just my father. That was just the sort of person he was.

He would be so disappointed in the sort of family my mother and I have become – at what I have become.

My mother leaves two hours before my alarm goes off. I am not sure what she does for work but it requires early mornings and late nights, for which I am thankful. I know today of all days, I cannot deal with her.

School starts slow. There are no sightings of Tala, Ian, or the other one. After yesterday's lunch, I continued with classes but was side tracked by what the new boy said. I know everyone knows I am scared of something. I do not try to hide it.

But he, unlike the others, mentioned it. He…talked about it, about me, as if he wanted me to respond. I could not figure out what I was supposed to say. Nobody ever wanted me to talk back before he showed up. Sure, advice, but that is not conversation. He sounded like he wanted a conversation of some sort. Two people exchanging interesting information, usually about themselves.

I have not had a conversation since…

_Me. _The voice answers.

I shut my locker after exchanging books. The halls are unusually crowded due to the extra students and I am being pushed and jabbed left and right. Their closeness and the thought of what the day is, whom it belongs to in my mind, have me almost gasping for breath.

When I arrive in the lunchroom, my table is empty. No one is waiting to have a weight lifted from his or her shoulders and he is not there eating. I am shocked to find that in this situation, I would rather deal with the former rather than the latter. At least I know how to deal with them, even if it is not very well.

I sit down with my tray and slowly pick at the food. I have never really eaten on this day, but every year I toy with the idea that I will.

"Just sad."

The plastic fork in my hand falls to the floor. Looking up I find that he, the boy from yesterday, is taking a seat. He slides in gracefully, almost like liquid. I wonder if that is a talent his school teaches. He looks up and his eyes are brown…sort of. Not quite brown, but not quite not either. It is a nice color.

"I mean how you look," he continues. "I've decided it's not uncomfortable, but sad. You look sad."

"I am," I hear myself say before I understand what I am confirming.

He lifts an eyebrow, as if shocked or amused that I would answer. "Really. About what?"

My father. _Me. _This school. "I-I…" I do not want to tell him the real answer, but I have never been asked a question like this one before and I want to say something.

But I cannot lie. For some reason, if feels wrong. He is the first person to sound like he is interested in the response. It would be wrong for me to lie.

"About everything, I would think." He says before I can finish my thought.

"Everything?"

He rolls his eyes to the rest of the lunchroom. "This school, how everyone treats you, life in general,"

How does he know?

"Typical teenager experience," he finishes with a shrug.

Oh. So he does not see me, but an everyday average teenager. For some reason I feel let down.

"I think, however," He continues, "that it's more than that. I think you're more than that."

"Why?"

I asked a question and I want to know the answer. I do not think that I have asked a question and expected an answer since…

_Me. _Again, the voice replies correctly.

He narrows his eyes as if he is contemplating something. "Why are you sad?"

I can feel the words rising in my throat. I cannot tell him everything but I want to thank him for asking. I want to give him an honest response.

But I am interrupted.

On the other side of the large usually loud room, a chair is thrown that silences the entire population.

Tala is standing and he is tense, ready for a fight, glaring down at _him_.

_He_ is standing nonchalantly, arms carelessly crossed over his chest with a smirk across his face.

"You better watch yourself, Brookie," Tala growls sarcastically, "or you might not be so lucky next time."

He laughs. Chuckles, actually. "Next time? Lucky? You obviously have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know plenty," Tala responds. "I have a pretty good idea of who you are, and you're insane if you think I'm going to let it happen again. I will get you."

By this time teachers rush in to drag Tala away. _He_ is escorted kindly.

Seeing him scares me, but seeing the two of them together sends me reeling. I feel myself lock up, staying that way even after they leave.

The voice in my head starts chocking and whimpering as if it were me he was so calmly talking to. The sounds from from all the nights he has visited me, all the words he has ever said to me, start repeating themselves over and over again. I can feel myself getting dizzy as the outside noise from the other students builds on it.

"That's unusual," His voice cuts clear through the noise and grabs my attention, easily pulling me away from everything. It is a nice voice; deep and soothing, and oh so understanding. It is the kind of voice my father had.

"That was dread," He studies me. "Almost like you were terrified for your life. Do you think that Brooklyn Masefield is going to kill you?"

I think my heart actually stops. How is it that this boy can be in this school for two days and already tell, but people who have known me for years cannot?

"That's stupid," I find myself telling him even though it is the last thing I want to say. "Why would I think that?"

This time he narrows his eyes as if he can tell that I am lying and he is annoyed by it.

"I've got to go," I mumble as I walk away, leaving him behind.

I leave school and head for my car. _He_ is in there with his knowing smile. Tala is in there with his white-hot anger and observant eyes. The other one's in there knowing…everything.

That is possibly the most dangerous place of all.

When I reach my car, I do not take the time buckle my seat belt before driving away. Again, I am assaulted by the silence, and the echos start. Above all, I hear her voice.

_You need to say something! Tell anyone!_

Anything to strangle the noise, anything. For the first time, I find myself reaching for the radio's dial. It's still on the station that Ian tuned it to and the guitars and screaming drown out everything else.

Finally able to breathe, I look around to see where I am going. I can recognize the buildings on the corners and know that in a few turns I will be at the park. The sweet park, with its breeze and children running around, and leaves falling from the trees; a place where no one wants any thing to do with me.

I can remember the days when my father took me to the park. He would pile my mother and me into the car with a basket of food and we would spend the entire day smiling and laughing. It is hard to imagine now how my mother could ever be that happy.

I look for a place under the shade and sit. I hear the kids laughing and the squeaks from the swings. It is very relaxing and I find myself wanting to slip away from this, if only for a while.

When I open my eyes again it is to the sound of a mother hurrying a kid pass. Storm clouds are rolling in and parents are urgently taking their children away from the danger of rain. Sighing, I pick myself up and head back to my car.

It is still early, but already darker than usual because of the oncoming showers. It seems right, almost poetic in a way and it brings tears to my eyes. Memories play in my head, but not the same ones as before. Four years ago on a rainy day just like this, my father died in this car. I remember the call and my mother crashing to the floor, sobbing. I remember thinking it was a lie; that my father could not be gone. I remember calling Ming-Ming, crying on the phone to her and how she came over later, spending three nights to make sure everything was okay.

Ming-Mind had always been a good friend, I think as guilt washes over me. In return for her kindness, I am doing nothing.

_You could fix it._

I know.

…I know.

At a red light, someone taps at my passenger window. I can see Tala leaning down with his wolfish smirk in place. Against my better judgment, I stretch to roll down the window.

"It's going to rain," Tala says when I get it halfway down. "Can I get a lift?"

I want to say 'no' and then drive off, leaving him behind. But I cannot do that, especially not today when I have spent so much time thinking about my father. How would he react to me doing that?

I reluctantly unlock the door. Tala climbs in and turns the radio off. "I hate that noise," he announces, pulling his lip up in disgust, "I don't know how Ian listens to it."

I nod and drive forward when the light turns green. I have no idea where I am going, but I need to do something. I can already feel my heart racing along with my thoughts.

"So that was quite the incident at school today, huh? That's what the principle is calling it-an incident. I've got one more before I'm expelled."

I want to cry or tell him to shut up. He hardly ever does this-talking for no reason, just like everyone else.

"I just can't help it sometimes," he goes on, "because that Brooklyn has everybody fooled. But I can see the real him. He pretends to be all nice and gentle and good humored, but that's not really what he's like, is it Hilary?"

I shrug stiffly. "I have no idea what Brooklyn is like." His name stings my tongue, but I had to say it anyway.

He looks at me, but it is not his usual stare. Somehow, I can feel the pity rolling off him. "That's not right," he says finally. "You should know. You have every right to acknowledge what he's done."

His words shock me. Earlier, Brooklyn said that Tala did not know what he was talking about, however it is becoming very clear to me that he knows more than anyone suspects.

"People cannot take knowledge away from you." I whisper in an attempt to push him off his path. "I would say something if I knew."

_Liar._

"Then why haven't you?"

I look at Tala, confusion written on my face. A part of me wants to confess everything right here and now, like always. Her voice is screaming for it, begging with everything, for me to tell him. There is another part that wants to ask him what he thinks he knows; to see how close to the truth he is.

But there is one other part, bigger than those two, which wants to drop this subject and never touch it again.

"Where am I going?" I ask as I turn back to the road.

He looks away, undoubtedly upset at my response. "Right up here, then down a couple of streets."

I take in my surroundings and I am surprised to see the houses have gotten bigger and more extravagant. I always picture Tala and his group in a poor, run down neighborhood.

"I live with my aunt and uncle," he explains, still not looking at me. This is fine with me, as I cannot deal with his eyes now.

We finally reach his driveway and I am shocked to see exactly how big it is.

"You know, Hilary, any pain that you're going through right now, is caused by you." He says before he opens the door. "You can stop it. You're the only one who can. I know you're scared, but I can help you. I will protect you, if you ever decide to tell the truth. I need you to tell the truth."

_TELL HIM!_

When I say nothing, he gets out and heads to the front door. I speed away as a sob rips from my throat. I cannot understand this. Why now? Why not when it first happened, when I was looking for the right person to tell? Why now, when he has already beaten me into the corner?

My hand unconsciously finds the small, slightly raised scar on my shoulder and rubs it; my only physical scar from that night two years ago.

I manage to calm myself down enough by the time I reach my neighborhood. Today, I am not shocked to see my mother's car in the driveway. I park next to her and slowly drag myself to the door. She's there, sitting at the dinning room table with a plate of food in front of her, untouched. The wine bottle, however, is nearly empty.

When I enter, she looks up and I can see the tear streaks and her smudge make-up.

"I brought home dinner," she offers weakly. I nod, but head for the stairs.

"Hilary," she cries out. I can hear the pleading in her voice. 'Is this it?' I wonder. Is this were she tells me that she is sorry for the way things are? That my father died? That she wishes things could be different? What can she say now that will make up for everything?

"Never mind," falls from her lips, and I feel the disappointment. I could not expect her to say anything of meaning, but to give up…

She picks the plate and glass up before heading off to the kitchen. I can hear the glass shatter in the sink before I reach my room.

I throw myself on my bed and try to forget. I never actually succeed, but I still try every year.

* * *

So yeah, that's chapter three. Not very much there, it's mostly just a filler. But there are some clues in there...at least, I think there are. But then again, I know the full story, so I could just be seeing things. Chapter four has some interesting things in it.

Thank you, .zulka for your awesome beta skills! Everyone, if you havn't already, check out her stories NOW!

Reviewer are loved...but so are readers. I respond to reviews, so I hope they actually feel the love...

Thank you!


	4. The Best Way to Understand

_The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. — Ralph Nichols_

It started when I was the new kid at a new school. At that time, I could smile and laugh and find my way into a group like people do. At that time, I was not The Listener. I was Hilary.

Hilary, who understood.

Hilary, who would not interrupt with her own opinions or thoughts.

Hilary, who made you feel better, even when you were wrong.

Hilary, a friend, and nothing else.

I found Ming-Ming one day behind the school. She was upset, though she was not crying. She grumbled and threw things. She glared at me when I asked her what was wrong.

But then her glare softened and she told me. I sat down beside her and she started at the beginning of her problem. She went into the insignificant details. She put in dialogue, long conversations from different times. Ming-Ming told it like a story, painting pictures of the events that lead up to the moment I found her.

Ultimately, she was grounded for failing a few math tests. But the way she described it, you would think it was so much bigger.

Ming-Ming had flare. She had a style and a way all her own. She made it seem like your life was better, more interesting, simply because you were with her. I had never met anyone like her, nor ever listened to anyone with her stories. She loved to talk. She would talk about anything, but especially about herself. And the events in her life were so much more interesting than anyone else's, not because no one else had similar experiences, but because Ming-Ming knew how to tell it.

I became an addict.

I knew that when we sat down at lunch, people would notice how she would do all the talking, with me only saying some words every now and then. They noticed this when we were walking down the street or sitting on a bench.

I knew people thought Ming-Ming was one of those girls - one of those girls who find some poor fool to latch onto, who would be too pathetic to say anything or stop it. But Ming-Ming and I knew that it was not that way. When the time was right, Ming-Ming was a great listener. She was full of bubbly enthusiasm when I would start to explain an event from my childhood. She laughed when I said something funny and frowned when I talked about the kids that made fun of me.

And when my father died that summer, she came over every night and listened to the same stories and memories over and over again. She held me and cried with me. She stayed the night when she could and called me when she could not. She never tried to distract me with her own events or problems.

That summer was her quietest summer ever, and my loudest.

Eventually, things got back to the way they were. Not normal, but then I think we both knew that I was never going to be my normal self again. She made things better, though. For moments, when she was explaining the best parts of her day, I could forget the life I had waiting for me at home. For once, I was not the one lifting the weight of the world off everyone else's shoulders. Ming-Ming was lifting it from mine.

When she died, that weight slammed down on me.

People who did not understand the friendship Ming-Ming and I shared started telling me things, their experiences. But I was not one of their friends, so it was never the good things, only the very worst. Their deepest secrets – the ones they will not tell anyone else.

I was too depressed to fight it; haunted by my own demons and secrets to try. For a while, their words did the same that Ming-Ming's did, and I could forget everything. At first, their dark secrets were what got me through the day. It was enough of a problem to distract me from my own.

Then, no matter what I did, I could not forget. Their sinister secrets did nothing but remind me how dark this world is; how we lose our childhood innocence too quickly.

But I could not stop them from coming by then, and I cannot do it now.

It is a cold, windy day and there is no one at the park when I arrive. Ming-Ming hated the wind, but as I take a seat on the empty swing set and wrap my hands around the chilly chains, I cannot help but enjoy it.

I sit there forever, remembering the feeling of swinging. I pump my legs and go higher and higher, and when I close my eyes, I can feel the wind whipping my hair around.

"Well, that's almost happy,"

I open my eyes and see him getting larger and smaller then larger again as I drag my feet along the ground to stop. He is standing there, hands in his coat pockets, wild hair blowing this way and that and cool eyes narrowed at me. Not in a glare-type way but like he really sees me, and I am beginning to believe that he does.

"What are you doing here?" That is the first question that comes to mind, and I am alarmed to realize that, again, he has gotten me to speak without thinking.

"I was driving by when I saw you." He answers as he takes the swing next to me. I can hear my heart start to beat faster.

"So?"

He looks at me again, his brown-but-not-brown eyes centering on me. "Do people really like to swing alone?"

I do, but I do not say this. What I really want to know is why he cares. What does he want from me? What could I do for him? I know the answers for everyone else, but I had hoped that the boys would stay away. Once they see one of their own doing it, they will all do it.

"It's weird," he says, looking at me again with one eyebrow lifted, "what you do. Why do you do it?"

I blink and look away. What could I say to that?

"There has to be a reason. People don't just listen to others for any reason. What do you get out of it? Do you get a little high knowing everyone else's private stuff?"

"No. I hate that part." I argue immediately. His ideas are absurd. "My father loved it."

I did it again. I answered without speaking.

"Your father, huh? He taught you to do this?"

"Not really. He said they needed it. That people, no matter who they are, needed someone to listen and he could be that person. He would listen to them and he would say exactly what they needed to hear. I never figured out how, but he always did. They would walk away with this look of pure relief on their faces, like they had a new lease on life. It always amazed me." I say, remembering the best moments of my father.

"That's nice," he replies, but says nothing more. However, I didn't need anymore.

"When I first did it," I continue, too caught up in the memories to realize I am sharing them, "I was in the third grade. It was for this girl in my class. I don't remember what was said, but I can remember her face, her eyes. I wanted to cause that look again, so every once in a while I would listen to their problems, and eventually…"

I break off and look at him. He is just sitting there, waiting for me to continue.

He raises an eyebrow again. "Eventually…?"

"Nothing." I look away.

"Why won't you tell me?"

I whip my head around and demand, "Why do you want to know?"

My mouth snaps shut and I turn back around when I realize what I just did. The last time I yelled at someone the result was less than ideal, to say the least.

He sighs. "Maybe I want to see that look of relief on your face. Maybe you look like you have a secret that you need to share. Maybe I get a kick out of knowing other people's stuff. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Does it really matter the reason why?"

No, I guess not. I am surprised by his reaction. "How do you know Tala?" This question comes out suddenly, before I realize it, but it is one that I don't wish to take back.

He does not reply, but I can see the reaction in his face. The question surprises him, and I feel a little proud that I managed to catch him off guard.

"How do you know I know Tala?" He counters after a moment.

I stare at him. I am not sure how I know, but I have this feeling. Those two are somehow connected, and before I reveal anything else, it is something I need to know the answer to.

He shakes his head. "Tala and I used to go to the same school. Our families have been friends for years, so we grew up together."

I take this in. "Tala used to go to your school?"

He nods. "Before he got kicked out."

Sounds like Tala. Then it's time for the question that is weighting most on my mind. I pause, wondering if I should even bother asking.

If I do ask it, there is no turning back.

If I do ask, I have to go forward.

I have admit to myself that the answer means something. I want to tell myself that the answer will mean nothing.

But it does.

"Why was he fighting with…Brooklyn?"

He narrows his eyes, this time in a glare but not in my direction. He is looking off into oblivion glaring at something in his own mind. "He's got his reason." He turns back to me, a perceptive smirk taking over his face. "Why are you so interested in Tala?"

I can feel the smile of relief at his answer pull at my lips. He didn't answer my question, seeming to recognize I was not ready for it. But that doesn't mean I have to answer his. "I've got my reason," I respond lightly, the most playful I've been since Ming-Ming.

He smiles too. It's not Tala's smile though—all wolfish teeth. It's a humored smile, as if he finds something entertaining about our exchange.

"Yeah, I bet you do." He chuckles. "So what happened to your father?"

Immediately, I am pulled back to reality. "He died."

"That's unfortunate."

I look at him. Unfortunate?

"I hate it when people say 'I'm sorry,'" he admits with a shrug after noticing my gaze, "like they had anything to do with it."

I nod in agreement. When my father's death was news, "I'm sorry" was the worse thing to hear. I'm sorry never fixed anything.

"Unfortunate." I murmur, kicking the dirt beneath my feet. "I like that."

"It was the best I could come up with when I was younger," he responds.

We are quiet for a moment, letting the silence and the wind wrap around us. Silence, much like talking, usually makes me nervous but I find my anxiety mysteriously missing now.

"If you hate it, knowing their secrets," he starts again, "then why do you let it continue?"

I blink. I have asked myself this question thousands of times. The answers are many:

They need me. They need someone to talk to when they cannot speak to anyone else.

I would be mean to stop now; selfish even.

What would my father and Ming-Ming say?

But the honest answer, "I don't know how. I can't…find it in myself to tell them to stop. I tried once, to tell them they're suffocating me, but I couldn't verbalize the feeling." As usual, I can admit anything to him quite easily, even when it's hard to admit it to myself.

I wonder why that is.

I look to him, and ponder if that seems weird to everyone else or if that was too much to divulge. I've never had anyone ask me before. No one askes me anything unless it was answers for their own problems. No one wants to know me, because I am The Listener and you cannot be friends with the person who holds everybody's secrets.

He smirks. "Do you ever think of just not listening?"

"It's not that easy," I counter, almost scoffing at the question. "I can't just not listen. Not when they seem to need it so much."

"But don't you need it, too?"

I take a deep breath in. Well, don't I? Is that not what I have been dreaming about all this time? How was he able to see it so soon, though?

"I should be heading home." I stand from the swing and walk away.

"I'll see you at school," I hear him call out. I do not turn around.

When I get home, I go to my room. His last words are running through my head_. I'll see you… I'll see you…_

_I'll see you._

A part of me rejoices. Finally, someone sees. Another part of me, a more rational part, shuns the idea. If he sees me, then he'll see all of me; everything I have been trying to hide.

_Let him find it. _

I understand this. I have gotten to the point where I need someone to find it. It is my darkest secret and I need the weight lifted from my shoulders.

_He wants to lift it. It would be so easy. When he asks, just tell him._

Tell him what? That I helped Brooklyn get away with murder?

* * *

So yeah. Ta-da!

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	5. Hear Beneath the Words

_"To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind's hearing to your ears' natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning." - Peter Senge_

It is the middle of the week, during lunch, when it hits me.

It is quiet.

Not silent or noiseless or even hushed, but simply quiet.

No one is talking to me. No one has told anything since the beginning of the week. I have not had one headache or anything.

I look across the table and immediately know the reason why. His eyes flash up to me, as if he knew I was looking at him.

I suppose I should say thank you, but I'm not sure if he would understand that.

"You can ask, you know," he says slowly, looking back down at his own lunch. "I won't bite."

I blink, confused at what he is suggesting. "Ask what?"

He doesn't answer, and instead giving me a deliberately mystifying smirk that I was quickly coming to associate with him.

I want to ask again, but I don't. He won't answer, anyway.

I go back to picking at my lunch, enjoying it for the first time in years and pointedly ignoring the glares thrown at my table from around the lunchroom. Glancing at him again, I wonder how or even why he would deal with the hostility that is being directed at him. I wonder why anyone would willingly step in between them and me, for no obvious reason.

I wonder what kind of person he must be.

"I'm not going to willingly tell you." He interrupts my thoughts, his voice amused. "You're going to have to ask eventually."

Again, I am not sure what he's referring to, but it seems to be important to him. There is a question, many of them in fact, that are on the tip of my tongue pushing to get out, that I've been holding back. For so long, all I've wanted is this quiet that he has brought. He never says anything, never reveals anything about himself, and it's nice. Why would I ruin it by asking questions? It seems counterproductive, but they are there and they just keep nagging.

He takes a final bite of his food and throws his paper napkin down. "You confuse me," he says, his eyes burrowing straight into mine.

I confuse him? If he only knew…

"I have been sitting here for three days and you have yet to say anything."

Three days. Three days where I have not had to hear one word from anyone about their own lives. People have tried to corner me in the hallways, but I've always been able to get away.

Three beautiful days.

I should say thank you. It would be polite.

"What do I have to ask?" I ask instead.

"Hn," he chuckles. "I told you I wouldn't say. It is something obvious, though. Think: what don't you know about me?"

Everything, and that's what I like.

But because he's posed the question I cannot help but think of the answers.

Why is he sitting here? What does he want? What's going to happen when he leaves?

The bell for class rings. I look around the room and see the other students gathering their things. Usually, I'm acutely aware of where Brooklyn is in any room, but lately Tala has been added to that list as well. Something I didn't notice before is that they always sit on opposite sides of the room.

Before he can leave, I put out my hand to stop him. "If I can figure out the question you're hinting at, will you tell me what Tala's issue with Brooklyn is?"

Slowly, his smirk spreads across his face, lifting one corner of his lips into a devilish smile. "Yeah," he answers. "Meet me after school."

Okay. I will.

But this leaves me thinking, what if I don't come up with the right question? Where will that leave me?

I make it easily to my next class. The glares don't stop but I can ignore them as I am easily distracted by the many possible questions I could ask him. He said it was obvious, but nothing seems obvious until it's standing in front of you.

I hear the teacher assign a class project that can be done in partners but don't bother looking around. Either I will do it alone or will be assigned a reluctant partner, as usual. Instead, my thoughts continue along the list of questions I've slowly been making shorter.

"Brooklyn, you said you'd work with me this time,"

Of course all it takes is his name to completely disrupt my thoughts, but the whine that accompanies the name has me looking in their direction.

I don't have to look far, though. My body goes rigid as Brooklyn slides into the seat next to mine. The girl who called out to him stops a few feet away, clearly keeping her distance as Brooklyn smiles charmingly at her and I start to shake.

"I know," he says, sounding more apologetic than he really is, "but I think Hilary needs a little help on this."

The girl glares at me, but shrugs. People appear to know that Brooklyn is not one to argue with, feeling his natural darkness but not knowing what it is. Plus, I'm The Listener who's been unavailable lately. It makes sense that he would find a way to talk to me.

After she's gone he turns back to me. His green eyes are alight with humor, but I can see the underlining current of superiority swimming in them. "So, Hilary, how are you?" he begins with the usual routine. This is for the people who are still listening in on our conversation.

The shakes constrict my vocal cards and the weight on my chest presses down. The flight response is telling my legs to bolt but I know it's useless. I wouldn't get far.

Brooklyn starts to gather our supplies and organizes them. "Are you going to tell me what kind of sordid secrets the boys' school holds?" It sounds like a kind inquiry; however I can tell that I'm walking on a tight-wire.

But I'm baffled at the question anyway. "He hasn't said anything."

I observe a small twitch in Brooklyn's expression, but he starts talking before I can wonder what caused it. "I've noticed your new friend taking up all the time at your table." He starts writing and hands a book to me, keeping up the show of project partners. The room is full with conversations from other groups, making our quiet one unnoticeable. "But you're saying that he isn't talking about his problems? Then what are you two spending all your time talking about?"

Right away I recognize my mistake. I cannot think of anything to say, but Brooklyn doesn't seem to care as he continues. "I'm sure you noticed my little disagreement with Tala last week."

"I don't understand what your point is," I force out through clenched teeth. As hard as it is to talk around him, I know talking is the only way to get through it sooner.

"Patience," he cheerfully advises, as if he's talking to a small child. "Tala seems to think he knows something—"

"I have never said anything," I'm too quick to jump in, I know, but I feel the need to defend myself before he gets the wrong idea.

The fake cheer is gone when he turns to me. "What did I just say?" And for a moment I'm scared. And I hope someone looks over and sees what he's doing.

And I wish that he was there with his carefully placed words and questions to distract Brooklyn from his anger and me.

But then Brooklyn smiles again and everything is back to normal. "Like I was saying, Tala seems to think he knows something, but I know that you would never betray me like that to him. My little issue now is that your new friend is an old friend of Tala's. I want to make sure you know what would happen if you accidentally let anything slip to him."

I shake my head. "I haven't said anything. To anyone. And I don't plan to."

Brooklyn smiles, but it's mocking. "I understand, but all the same, I think I'm going to have a little talk with him. Make sure he keeps his distance from now on."

I gasp, the sudden thought of losing my peace and quiet choking me. I want to beg him not to, but it's useless and would cause more trouble.

"I think he just likes the silence," I mutter, hoping he doesn't see through me. "We don't talk."

"Hilary," he laughs, placing a hand on my shoulder and rubbing the scar, causing me to wince at the memories that crowd my thoughts. "This isn't because of you. It's for my own comfort."

And as his hand falls away from me, I know the conversation is over. Brooklyn has the final say and there's nothing I can say to change his mind. I'm going to lose my peace and quiet.

I'm surprised that I feel like crying. In three days, I didn't think I had gotten that attached to what I had. But maybe, I realize, it's not the quiet I'm upset about losing. Maybe it's what I've been denying to myself since that windy day on the swings; what I'm really upset about is losing a friend.

The class only last a few more minutes and I'm the first one to leave when the bell rings, startling even my teacher as I brush past her. I'm standing in front of my car before I realize what I'm doing. I don't plan on leaving, but I need something. As I slide into the driver's seat I pull my keys from my backpack and put them in the ignition, turning just once and the radio comes on. The mindless music washes over me as I try to focus on lyrics I don't know; to understand the words and the picture the song is painting.

I don't know how many songs pass, but by the time a commercial comes on, I've managed to calm down enough to breathe evenly. I open my eyes and look around to see if someone is coming after me but find no one around. There's a storm brewing again, casting the school building in a dreary, haunted light.

There's a tap on my window and I scream, jumping away from the glass. He lowers himself and the first thing I see is a cut on his upper lip. I roll down the window but before I can say anything, he smirks.

"Couldn't wait?"

What?

"School's not over yet"

Oh.

"No, I couldn't." I reply quickly, not thinking. "What happened to you?"

He shrugs. "Someone hit me," he says as if it were obvious. "But that's not the question I was talking about."

I've got nothing to say to that. I haven't figured out what question he wants.

"Who hit you?" That's not the question, either, but it's more important right now.

He looks at me, his eyes trying to convey something. Suddenly it hits me.

"Oh!"

_No._

"It's my fault," he says. "I provoked him."

That's not hard to believe.

"But he hit me first, so I claim self-defense."

"Did you have to go to the office?"

He opens his mouth to say something, but a new voice interrupts, calling out from the school. We turn to see a teacher rushing towards us.

"No, but I'm probably going to have to," He quickly runs around my car and jumps in the passenger seat. "But I don't have to go right now."

I look at him, shocked at what's going on. His eyes are blazing with danger…and fun. "What are you waiting for? Go!"

The teacher is close to us as I put the car into reverse and then into drive, zooming out of the parking lot without regard to speed. He is laughing, not loudly, but enough to shake his shoulders and pull his lips into a true smile and not a smirk.

"We've got to work on your reaction time," he says to me.

I'm ditching school. With a boy I hardly know. And a teacher saw me. And Brooklyn hit him. And…

"I don't know where I'm going," I say, taking a turn down a random street. All I can think about is getting away from the school.

"That's okay," he whispers. "Sometimes that's best."

I look at him briefly, wondering if he's talking about my driving or my life.

"Take a left up here." He points.

He gives me turn-by-turn directions. We finally stop in a part of town I've never been in. He has directed me to an old warehouse and it seems there's nobody around us. Like we're in the middle of nowhere.

Like we're alone.

Like the world outside doesn't exist.

Despite the rust and dirt, it seems like Paradise to me right now.

"Come on," he nods towards the door, getting out of my car and walking away. He knows I'll follow.

As I lock my car, I'm not worried about it being towed or of trespassing as the sign on the broken fence clearly warns us. I jog up to meet him as he holds up the door for me.

Inside, its almost empty as well, save for a few pieces of scrap metal collecting dust. He leads me to metal stairs that creak loudly as we walk up them, but I'm not worried about them collapsing under me. At the top of the stairs there's a small office that overlooks the entire building. The windows are all clean, everything is dusted off, and all the furniture is new and shiny. It's like we walked into another world.

"My family owns this warehouse, but we moved to another one across town. I convinced them to keep it. I use it when I need to get away." He sits on the sleek couch and looks at me, his gaze piercing. "I only bring my friends here."

"Oh." I say, standing dumbly by the door. He brought me here…to a place he only brings his friends. "So, we're friends."

He blinks. "I'd like to be."

Yes.

Please.

I need you.

But…

"Why did you get into a fight with Brooklyn?"

He shrugs again, "He thought I was friends with Tala; tried to get me to tell him what Tala was thinking about him. I don't particularly care for people like him, anyway."

"You were going to tell me what Tala's issue was with Brooklyn, though," I blurt out. Clearly he knows what Tala is thinking if he can make a promise like that.

"And you were going to ask me a question." His smirk is back.

I take a seat on one of the chairs, too afraid to sit close to him on the couch. "I got distracted during class," I explain, "I couldn't narrow down the questions I could ask."

"You couldn't?"

I shake my head.

"Well, Hilary, what did Brooklyn say to distract you?"

I am taken aback by his assumption. "Why do you think Brooklyn distracted me?"

"Because, Hilary, two seconds after class ended he hunted me down and demanded that I stay away from you. Plus, you've never made it a secret that you think about him, Hilary."

In the back of my mind, the fact that he is saying my name repeatedly sparks something, but I can't put my finger on it.

"Now, if I didn't know any better, Hilary, I would assume that you like the guy," he carries on, "but I've seen the way you look when his name is mentioned, so I know it's not that. What's going on, Hilary?"

It does seem weird that just after Brooklyn warns me off this guy, reminds me not to say anything, he's asking me questions about him. Again.

_But you should say something. Tell him!_

Brooklyn.

Brooklyn.

I can't…

_Please, Hilary, he can help. _

But…he said…

"Hilary?"

"What?"

His stare is full of worry as he leans towards me. "You fazed out."

"Sorry," I pull my arms across my chest and lean away from him. "I was thinking about something."

"About Brooklyn?"

I look at him. "Maybe. But I can't say anything else."

"Why not, Hilary?" he whispers. "We're friends, aren't we?"

I sigh. "I'd like to be, but we can't if you keep asking me about Brooklyn."

He seems disappointed, but recovers quickly. "Fine. But you can't ask me about Tala, then."

"You promised." I remind him.

"And again, you haven't figured out the question…Hilary."

My name again and again. And Brooklyn's name. And Tala's name…

It's something obvious…what don't you know about me...it's something obvious…we're friends…

"Your name," I say to myself, not believing that I let it get pass me.

"Finally," he says. I focus on him and he's smiling. "It took you a long time. I was afraid you were never going to get it."

I feel a jolt of need to defend my intelligence. "I don't like knowing things about people. Knowing your name would make…this real. I like it when I know nothing."

He nods, accepting my answer. "So do you want to know it or not?" He's giving me the choice. If I say yes then this, whatever it is, grows.

Grows into a friendship.

Grows into something more dangerous.

Brooklyn…

_It'll be okay._

"Yes, I want to know."

He smirks, as usual, knowing what I was going to say all along. "My name is Kai."

Despite defending myself earlier, I feel stupid for not asking before. "Hi."

"Hi."

A silence falls over us but as always, it's comfortable, not awkward. I'm able to breathe as I look around the office, taking in the little details.

"Tala doesn't like other redheads."

I laugh. It still feels unnatural and sounds unfamiliar but I don't care at the moment. "What?"

"That's Tala's issue with Brooklyn."

I blink, and wait for Kai—wow, so different—to be serious, but the look in his eyes tells me that's all he's going to say on the subject. Suddenly, I feel broken again.

He lied to me.

Tala would never be that immature.

Brooklyn wouldn't put up with that.

That doesn't make sense.

Kai lied.

_You lied to him, too. You could still tell him._

No, I can't now.

We stay there for a few more hours, waiting for school to get out before I drive him back to pick up his car. The conversation didn't flow as well as it did before, and the silences became awkward. I watch him drive off before turning down my route home.

All the lights are off as I pull into the driveway; the storm has caused the clouds to be darker than usual. It looks like it's going to rain, which reminds me the last time it rained I gave Tala a drive home.

Which reminds me that Tala really does know something.

Which reminds me that Kai lied to me.

Which makes me slam the front door.

I march up the stairs and to my room. I was honest with him. I tried for him. I took a giant step for him.

And he lied.

When I get to my room, I let my stuff drop to the ground and turn to sit on my bed without turning on the lights. I need a moment to get myself together before trying to do anything; before coming back to reality.

"Boys suck, don't they?"

I scream louder than I have in years. I jump from my bed and slam my back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. I'm too worked up to stop the tears from falling. They fall freely as I gasp for air, wishing that this was just a nightmare.

"Really, Hilary, there's no need to act like that." Brooklyn says, walking towards me. "It's not like I'm going to kill you."

I shudder and sob, unable to control myself. He kneels down in front of me and I have nowhere to go. My hand is blindly reaching for the light, but it's up too high, just out of reach. He catches my hand and brings it down, holding it in his colder one. It feels like he left it hanging out the window for a while, preparing for this.

"Shh, Hilary," he shushes, grabbing my jaw in his other hand to keep my head still, "I just need to ask you where you were. You left school, with him, after I told you to stay away. You directly went against me, now I can only assume the worst."

"N-n-no," I try to get out, but between my fear and sobs, I can hardly say anything. "I did not say anything." My words are broken up by my sniffles and the sentences are jerky. "He was just using me to get away from the school."

"Where'd you go?" He asks calmly. Brooklyn is always scariest when he's calm like this.

I know without a doubt that telling Brooklyn what really happened this afternoon would only have the worst results, so I fight everything running through my mind to come up with something.

"The park. He took me to a park."

"What'd you talk about?" He holds on tighter. "Be honest, Hilary."

"Me." It feels wrong to let Brooklyn in on something so real to me. "He wanted to know about…me and what I do."

"He was fishing for secrets?"

"No!" I see what path his mind is leading him down and quickly try to drag him away from it. "About why I do it. He asked about my father."

"And did you tell him?"

I stop. The tears are still falling, and I am still sniffling, but I've managed to calm my breathing slightly. I'm still heaving, but I can control my voice.

Brooklyn slams my head against the wall. "Did you tell him?"

"No." I lie. "I did not tell him about my father. Or Ming-Ming. And he did not ask about you."

Brooklyn doesn't say anything, but he watches me, trying to discern my lies from my truths. My heart beats fast and I worry that he might be able to. It is the first time I've lied to him and I'm not convinced I'll get away with it.

Finally, he lets go of my jaw and stands up straighter. He flicks the switch, taking my room from shadows to revealing. Brooklyn's left eye is black and I feel a stir of thankfulness for Kai as I see it; proof Brooklyn isn't invincible.

"Relax," he says, stepping away from me. "I just wanted to know what's going on with you, Hilary."

I nod. I do not believe him, but I am not stupid enough to argue.

"I really do need you to stay away from him, though. Tala and his group, too. They'll get you in trouble."

Yes. They will get me in trouble. With Brooklyn.

"Do you understand, Hilary?" I look at him. Here, away from the crowds, he doesn't try to hide his truth. The darkness and hate shines through his eyes, completely overtaking his person.

"Yes, I understand."

His smile is that of a devil. "This will all be over soon. Once we graduate and leave this place, continue with our own lives, we won't be in this position."

He talks like that. 'We.' Like we are in this together. I used to believe the lie, too. That this would one day end. But Brooklyn would never let me go with his secret. Not alive. And even if he did, these next few years will completely destroy me. He knows it, I know it. There is no reason to believe otherwise.

"Yeah, I know." I whisper. Everything but the shudders have left. My throat is sore from the crying and I can feel the tear tracks on my face.

"Good, Hilary." He says and walks back towards me. I flinch, but instead of touching me, he opens the door. "Well, see you tomorrow." And then he is gone. I hear the front door slam and breathe the breath of air I had been holding.

I do not know how long I sit there, trying to get my mind back. I jump up when I hear my mother pull into the driveway, parking beside my car. After quickly changing into warm pajamas I curl up in bed, my back facing the door. I can hear her footsteps coming up the stairs and she walks towards my room. I close my eyes, feigning sleep, but the door does not open and after a moment she walks away.

I let out another sigh and uncurl myself. The silence is beating in on me. Every little noise has me jumping, fear of Brooklyn's return courses through me. There is no way I am going to be able to sleep tonight.

_You need to tell Kai._

But he…lied.

* * *

So chapter five is here! What'd you think of it? Finally, she knows Kai's name. She can stop referring to Kai as "He" or "him". Took her long enough, huh. Some of you commented on that, so hopefully this makes you happy.

What do you think of Brooklyn? A little more is revealed. Mainly, that he is evil.

Major props to .zulka who beta'd. Really, this story would be riddled with mistakes and confusing sentenses without her. So say thanks! She's amazing.

I'd say that I'm sorry for the long wait (and I am) but it's going to happen again, so...yeah.

Thank you for reading, and if you review, thanks for that too. Thanks if you don't review but put the story on your favorite/alert list. And to the crazies, put me on their author favorite/alert list. Thanks a bunch.

Review.


	6. A Good Talker

_A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. — Katharine Whitehorn_

The wind howls all night, but by morning the sun is shining and the world outside my bedroom walls, is peaceful. Inside my bedroom, however, it is chaos. I kicked my sheets off the bed sometime around midnight. By two o'clock am, I was curled up in the chair at my desk, listening to the radio with headphones to avoid disturbing my mom.

My muscles hurt from staying in the same position for hours. My mom is already gone, leaving the house empty except for me. At least, I hope it's empty.

I could not handle him coming back.

I pull myself out of from the chair when the alarm goes off, get ready for school, and wait until the last minute to enter the building. My classes pass slowly, with most people happily chattering about the weather change. A few corner me in the hallways and near the bathrooms.

The class president cheated on his math exam.

A girl slept with her brother's best friend and his girlfriend – at the same time.

Little things like that. It is simple enough to nod, tell them it could all work out, and watch the relief, of cleaning their conscience, wash over their faces.

At lunch, I sit at my table barely picking at my lunch. The day is already lasting too long and it is only half way over. I have seen Brooklyn at least four times, always disappearing around a corner after sending a wink in my direction.

I can feel him near now, in the same room with me and I can hardly breathe. It is too much to handle when I notice Kai heading for me. Quickly, I jump up and run to the bathroom. The look he sends me lets me know he's confused, but he will not chase after me. Strangely, I have the feeling he's willing to wait me out.

I hole up in the bathroom for the rest of lunch. Of course, this makes me easy picking for the girls of the school, who suddenly have to touch up their make-up. Secrets spill out of their lips as they dab on their gloss and re-apply their mascara. Beautiful girls with dirty little secrets that would scare any body away.

The bell rings and I send out a thank you, but wait for everyone to go first. The longer I wait the chances of running into both Kai and Brooklyn lower. However, when I finally push open the door, they are the only two left in the room.

They seem to be having some sort of standoff right outside the door and when they both turn to notice me standing there, I know nothing will stop them from walking in after me if I choose to shut the door.

"Hilary," Kai says. I look at him as he holds his hand out to me. There is a certain determination in his eyes. He knows he's being challenged, and I send a quick look to Brooklyn. He is neither looking at me nor looking worried over my decision.

Yes, Kai knows he's being challenged, but he doesn't know what the challenge consist of.

"I have to get to class," I whisper, pushing pass both of them. There is a teacher calling to us, telling us that either we move now or it is detention. I would not be able to stand an hour with the two of them.

Behind me I hear, "You know she's mine, so why bother?"

I do not stay to hear Kai's response; the truth of the statement causes me pain.

_You've missed your chance._

Stop. I know.

I am late to my next class, but my teacher says nothing, shocked either by the fact that I am late or by the look on my face.

"Hilary, are you okay?" She asks in a stunned sort of mumble.

I take my seat and pull out my notebook. The teacher shakes herself and continues her lesson without another word to me. I drag myself together as much as I can, writing down what I can. Suddenly, there is a piece of lined paper tossed onto my desk. I look at it and think of shoving it off my desk to the floor, but I think of the feelings written on it and the courage it takes someone to admit their guilt. Slowly, I take the note and tuck it into my bag. Even if I do not want to, I will end up reading it later.

When the bell rings, I gather my things leisurely. My hope is that if anyone one is waiting for me, the halls will be full enough for me to make a getaway.

I glance around as I walk towards my next room, keeping my eyes peeled for Kai or Brooklyn. But the person who grabs me is not who I am prepared for.

I am pulled into an empty classroom and come face to face with Bryan of all people.

"You know," he says slowly, "the longer you let him roam free, the more people he will take down."

My heart thuds as usual and I can feel my breathing become shallow. I look at my surroundings, look for a way out and notice that he's pulled me into a science room. To my right, next to him on a bookcase, is a lion. It has a gazelle trapped under its powerful claws and its sharp teeth are ready to bite.

Quite the metaphor he's been able to think up.

"He's dangerous," Bryan continues, even though I have yet to say anything in reply. "But you already know that, don't you."

So it is not just Tala who knows something is up, but the whole group.

He hums a little bit. "Just incase you need to hear it: Brooklyn is dangerous. He is. And he's not going to stop."

My legs almost go out under me, and I have to grab on to one of the desks to keep from slamming to the ground. Bryan walks forward and helps me stand again. He is nice about it, but I have too many feelings to care.

"I don't mean to hurt you," he says gently, whispering to me. I have the urge to turn my head away and run for the door, but something tells me I need to stay and hear this. "We've tried everything, but you are the only one with the key. If you don't do something, he'll keep it up and he'll eventually be the end of you."

I take a deep breath, trying to keep from completely collapsing into hysterics. Does he know how close to the truth he is?

"I will stay outside the door while you put yourself back together, but just think about what I've said."

He leaves me leaning against the teacher's desk, a blubbering red-face mess, as he shuts the door quietly.

I look at the clock and sigh when I realize I am late again. I gather my remaining sanity and pull open the door. Bryan is leaning against the lockers across the hall, a teacher holding out a detention slip. He takes it from her but says nothing, the scowl enough to covey his feelings perfectly. When the teacher walks away, I glide out of the room and down the hall without a word. I do give a small wave, but I do not think Bryan cares either way.

The rest of the day could not have passed quick enough. After being late to my second class, the rest of the day went smoothly without any abnormal interruptions. Crossing the school grounds to the parking lot with my arms crossed and head pulled down, I do manage to catch a glimpse of Kai. He is talking to a boy I don't recognize, but he does not seem to be happy. As he turns to look at me, I swivel my head quickly. Leaning against a tree is Brooklyn. His new girl is leaning against him with his hands resting at her waist. I recognize the look on his face and a flashback of Ming-Ming almost stops me dead in my tracks but I push forward.

Before anything else can happen, I open my car door and shove my stuff inside. I slam the door with more force than needed. I focus on breathing evenly, keeping my sight on the center of the steering wheel. After a while, I look up and notice the parking lot is mostly empty, save for a few stragglers. Taking a final deep breath, I turn the car on. I put my foot on the break and shift it into reverse. Slowly letting off, I turn around to back out only to slam my foot back down when I notice someone standing behind me.

I curse, throwing the car back into park and getting out. I am torn between yelling and screaming at the person for standing behind a car and checking to see if they are okay.

I am only partly surprised to find out its Kai. He's standing there, as if he knew I wasn't going to hit him in the first place. I quickly look around, checking for any signs of the person I know should be watching.

"He's gone," Kai says. I look back to him, blinking in confusion. "The only way to talk to you is when he isn't around. So he's gone."

His words sink in and I breathe a little easier.

"So, I was thinking we could go back to the warehouse tonight. Maybe talk a little bit more; you look like you could use it after your day."

I probably do, I chuckle to myself. And I would love nothing more than to tell him to get in and drive to the place, somehow knowing the way already.

But…

Brooklyn's face flashes through my mind. Different angles and different emotions; his words from last night.

"It's probably not a good idea," I say instead. "I'm not the kind of person who likes talking all that much."

Kai smirks. "If that's the story you want to keep telling yourself."

I shake my head. "It's not a story."

He shrugs. "You know, Hilary, I always kind of hated people who lie directly to me, but I can't stand people who lie to themselves."

He turns and walks away, leaving me staring after him.

Now you've done it…I tell myself.

My mom calls to tell me she will be working late at the office and might just sleep there and to order dinner. Instead, I just pour myself a bowl of cereal and head up to my room to get some homework done. I turned on the radio to help dispel the silence that is almost suffocating.

Halfway through my math, I realize I have been bopping my head along with the tune and change the radio station. It only works as a distraction if I don't know the words of the songs. I take this break to take my bowl down stairs and wash it.

I flip on the light and make my way to the sink, twisting on the water. The soap smells like lemons as I squeeze a little onto the sponge and I find it a tiny bit relaxing.

There is a knock on the door and the bowl slips, crashing against the counter and shattering on the floor at my feet. There is another knock as I stare at the pieces. Blood is welling up on my left foot. Another knock, louder this time, draws my attention back to the matter at hand. For a moment, I wonder if it's Brooklyn. Kai was wrong and Brooklyn saw us talking in the parking lot.

Brooklyn would not knock, I remind myself.

But who else could it be?

I pull open a drawer and grab a clean washcloth to tie around my foot. There is a part of me that thinks I should just bleed on the carpet and see what my mom's reaction would be.

Would she even notice? And if she noticed, would she say anything?

I am about to limp out of the kitchen when I hear the door swing open and then fear rises in me.

Maybe Brooklyn would knock if he saw lights on.

Maybe it's not Brooklyn.

I glance around the kitchen as I start backing up. There are knives on the counter and some in a drawer, but I cannot remember which drawer.

The thought of holding a knife again causes vicious memories to flicker through my mind and I fight to push them back down. Now is not the time.

I am without a weapon and the invader is close to rounding the corner to the kitchen. Oh well, I think. If it is Brooklyn and he's here to kill me then he can't hurt me anymore.

And if it's not Brooklyn then he will kill me anyway and Brooklyn can't hurt me anymore.

Really, it's a win-win.

But it's not Brooklyn and it's not someone who will kill me.

No. Kai is staring at the remaining piece of the bowl and then at my foot and then his eyes shift up to me, backed into a corner of my kitchen.

"I heard a crash," he said, taking off his coat. Underneath he is wearing a simple black tee shirt that happens to fit him spectacularly. Not that I've really noticed. "You didn't answer, so I let myself in."

"The door wasn't unlocked," I say, slowly relaxing and stepping away from my corner. I never leave the door unlocked.

He smirked and grabbed a paper towel. "Kids get bored. Even rich kids."

I blink. So he learned how to pick locks?

He walks over to me and grabs my hand, leading me to my kitchen table and sitting me down in one of the chairs. Taking the seat next to me, he grabs my leg and pulls my foot up, settling it in his lap.

"Kai," I ask as he unties my makeshift bandage, "what are you doing here?"

Instead of answering, he daps at the remaining blood. "You won't need stitches. Do you have a first aid kit?"

"Yes, but I can take care of it," I say as I draw my foot away. He stands and starts walking up the stairs.

"Stay here," he says.

I stand to chase after him, but my foot complains under me. "Wait," I call, "where are you going?"

There is no answer, but a moment later he is heading back down the stairs, our first aid kit in hand. "Nine out of ten people keep their kit in the bathroom, the others in the hall closet."

"Really?" I ask as he sits back down.

He looks at me disbelievingly. "No. I don't really care about the percentage of people who keep their first aid kit in the bathroom. It was just a good guess."

I feel the laughter bubble up inside me and I am too tired to fight it. When I finally calm down, Kai has finished bandaging my foot and is looking at me.

"Sorry," I say, unsure of what else to do.

"It's okay," he replies, putting my foot back on the ground.

We're quiet for a moment. He stands to put the kit back, but I stop him. "You know, I wasn't kidding when I said it wasn't a good idea for us to hang out. I wasn't trying to be rude or anything; it's just how it is."

He sits back down and looks at the table. His face is serious and he looks as if he is thinking hard about something. His profile is nice I realize; kind of perfect, when you really look at it. He's all angles, but there's something else there.

Kai's eyes shift to me, and I remember the first time I saw him, when all I saw was a boy. This is different. A lot has changed, though I don't know what.

"Is it a bad idea because you really don't want friends anymore, or because Brooklyn told you so?"

I look away when he mentions Brooklyn.

"Look," Kai continues, "I know he scares you, we've been over that, but I don't think letting him control you is a wise decision."

"You don't know the whole situation," I reply, eager for him to understand. For him, of all people, to understand.

"Then explain it."

I choke.

He lets out a humorless chuckle. "It's like you get a sore throat whenever he's brought up."

"I can't. I'm not just protecting Brooklyn," I say after a while. "I'm protecting me too."

Anger seems to rush through him and he stands up, knocking the chair back and making me jump in fear. He walks over to the kitchen counter, working to control his breathing. He slams his hand down on the countertop, the resounding slap causing me to jump again.

"He's got you twisted all around doesn't he?"

I don't answer, afraid of what he will do. I keep my eyes down and keep my body still.

"You're so strange, you know," he continues without pausing. "The pain is written all over your face, and yet you do nothing. You don't believe a word you say about Brooklyn. But that—that you believe…you really believe you did something wrong. You believe he deserves the control you've given him."

His words strike something in me.

"Why do you care?" I ask, lifting my eyes for the first time. He is staring at me.

"Because," he starts, but he pauses as if he doesn't really have an answer. "Because you really are strange. Watching you walk on eggshells around him, around the school. You say you don't want to be in this situation and that you don't know how to change it, but you don't even try. It's interesting to watch."

"Because I'm interesting you're here at nine-thirty at night, asking me why I've let Brooklyn have the control?"

I'm not sure where this boldness came from, but I can feel it rushing through me. For a moment, I remember who I used to be.

He revealed another thing in his speech: Tala and his group may know something happened that night that wasn't in the reports, but they don't know what. They've got a puzzle and they can see the picture clearly, but the pieces that are missing are the most important ones.

Pieces only Brooklyn and I have. That's why his group has been pushing me so hard.

The only question remaining is if Kai is apart of that group. And why do they care?

"Yes," Kai answers. "Because I like studying people and you give me a lot to think about. These people tell you all their secrets; you are the one who has all the control. If you wanted to blackmail them, you could. In stead, though, you act like they've got the power."

"Oh," I say. I back down a little. That isn't the way I want the conversation to go. "Do you still hang out with Tala and his friends?"

"What?" I don't blame him for his confusion. The question did come out of nowhere.

"You said you were friends once. Do you still hang out with them?"

He paused. "Only at our work functions for our families, really. We don't see much of each other anymore."

"Hmm." I say, nodding my head. I am not entirely sure if I trust Kai just yet.

"So," he says, "are you going to sit with me at lunch tomorrow or are you going to let Brooklyn have his way again?"

I take a deep breath. "Brooklyn doesn't like being challenged." I answer. "Perhaps, if you really want to _study_ me, we can meet after school." I draw the word study, so that he knows I'm accepting his offer on a friendly note.

"That would be fine, though I think you're taking the wimp's way out."

Honestly, I only semi-care what he thinks. I'm more concerned with Brooklyn coming into my bedroom again.

"Well, now that I have fixed your foot and got my case-study back, I should probably get home."

"Yeah, thanks," I nod.

As he walks for the door, I can't help but notice how relaxed and comfortable I am, maybe for the first time in this house. since everything came crashing down.

I sleep all through the night after Kai leaves, waking up the next morning to a bird chirping in the trees. It's almost hysterical how normal things can seem. I arrive at school in a strangely good mood, but it crashes when I realize that not sitting with Kai at lunch will mean I'm fair game for the rest of the school.

Somehow, it doesn't seem that bad, though.

I walk quickly and quietly to my locker, hoping not to draw too much attention.

"Hilary!" Someone calls and I fight the urge to hide my head in the locker. It's Mariah, her pink hair down and flowing around her shoulders. I heard from around school that Ray decided to stay with her, but she and Selma are no longer talking. "I wanted to talk to you," she says as she reaches me.

Well, yeah. Of course you did. What else could you want?

"I've got class," I say instead, trying to push her away. Kai may be a lair, but he is right; I don't have to give them all the power.

She shakes her head. "It's nothing like that. Things are good right now. I've just noticed that you don't seem particularly fond of Brooklyn, though I don't know why—he's great really, but it's just something that I noticed."

Usually I'm good with keeping up with Mariah, but she's distracted me with the course of the conversation.

Plus, she said Brooklyn is great, which just sends shivers down my spine.

"Anyway," she continues, "I just thought I'd tell you that this morning Tala got suspended."

She waits for me to ask her to continue, but honestly I'm still confused. Wasn't she talking about Brooklyn?

"Tala got suspended…for punching Brooklyn." She takes a moment to laugh. "His left eye now matches his right."

"For…what?" I ask. I never ask questions like this, but this is too strange. First Kai and now Tala? Now I'm really curious as to why they're going after him. They didn't know Ming-Ming personally…did they?

Mariah waves her hand. "Oh, who knows? I think Tala has some sort of fighting quota or something and Brooklyn's number came up. Anyway, I've got class."

And with that she turns and glides back down the hall to her group of friends, still clearly talking about the fight.

Tala was suspended.

For punching Brooklyn.

This means, Brooklyn was probably suspended too. So he won't be anywhere near school.

I'm going to be going to the warehouse after school with Kai.

And for the first time in years, someone at school talked to me like I was a person and not The Listener.

Things have changed. And maybe for the better, for once.

* * *

Woah. Hello everyone.

First off, hats off to the lovely .zulka for being an awesome beta. She catches my stupid mistakes. This story makes sense because of her.

Second, just because I take forever (and I mean _forever) _to update does not mean, in any way, that I've give up on this story. This story practically has itself written and there's no way I'm not posing it. I've spent too much time going over it again and again in my head, and with others like .zulka, for it to just stay there. Updates are slow, but it will be finished.

Third, hopefully, by the time you're reading this, my website (link in my profile) will be working and there will be some I'm Listening extras there. So far it's just a banner and an little part of the next chapter, but I'm hoping to get a soundtrack listing up there. Music is a big part of me and any story I'm writing, so every story as songs that go with it in my mind. I was just wondering if you guys had any song suggestions. Hmm. So yeah. Not much there now, but there will be soon. Check it out if you want.

I loooovvvve you're reviews. Please keep them coming.


	7. Unfold and Expand

_Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. — Karl Menninger_

As the last class of the day lets out, something occurs to me.

If Brooklyn isn't at school, where is he?

I know he has a home (and parents), but that doesn't mean he won't be around. And if he's around and sees Kai get into my car and watches us drive off…

I find it hard to believe that I have not thought of this before. I blame Kai. He's been distracting me most of the day. At lunch, he wanted to talk more about my father, and I told Kai the story of when he took my mom and me to this family restaurant when he got a raise at work. Even though there was no music, my dad made my mom dance. She went red in the face from embarrassment, but she laughed as if she didn't care.

It is one of my favorite memories.

Kai would also stop me in the halls in between classes. He'd ask how my day was or if there was anything he should know about his teachers. He was a year ahead of me, so I didn't know much. He complained that the education here was quite below that of his school, but the teachers still expected him to pay attention.

"Oh, poor rich boy. Be kind to us slow kids; we can't all have daddy pay for our grades." I cooed at him, giving a slight pat on the cheek, before turning into my class. When I looked over my shoulder to see his reaction, I was almost pleasantly surprised to see his jaw on the floor. Imagine, Kai shocked; it's priceless, really. I'm starting to get a kick out of surprising him.

But now, as the students file out of the school's doors, all I could imagine was Brooklyn sitting in a tree with binoculars watching me.

I'm not sure why he's in a tree or using binoculars, because he's never seemed to need them before. He's always just known what I was doing.

"Hey," Kai's voice interrupts my overactive imagination. He's leaning against the doorway as I slowly put my books in my bag. "Are you ready?"

"Um," Think, Hilary. Think. "Can I meet you there?"

Kai's brow furrows in confusion. "Why?"

Yeah, why?

"Well," I stall, looking for any reason to make this work. I can't just tell him that Brooklyn almost bashed my head through my bedroom wall in a warning to stay away from him and I'm scared Brooklyn's watching me because he has nothing better to do…

Can I?

But I don't need to, because the next thing I know, Kai is standing in front of me. "Do you really think he'd waste his time coming here when he doesn't need to?"

My heart leaps to my throat. Not for the normal reason, either.

Kai has known me for almost a week, and yet he seems to understand my thought process better than anyone I've know for years.

I nod, understanding his point. "You're right. He has a life."

Kai snorts at that. He also rolls his eyes and grabs my bag from me, adding it to his shoulder next to his. "A pretty pathetic life," I hear him mumble under his breath. I choose not to comment.

"Besides," I add as we walk towards the student parking lot, mostly empty now, "he has a new girlfriend; he should be distracted."

From my spot behind him, I have the advantage of seeing his jaw tense. It's only for a second, before he relaxes as if nothing is different. I'm thrown though, wondering why mentioning his girlfriend would bother Kai so much.

I think of the girl. Since seeing her with Brooklyn, she's appeared everywhere. Soft, blonde hair hinted with shades of red. Her eyes are green and warm. She's got a contagious smile, one tooth crooked among the rest. I've avoided learning her name.

_She's innocent. _

I'd gone days without the voice, but now it's back.

_You'll get her killed by keeping silent and she doesn't deserve it._

"Hilary," Kai says again. He's looking at me, one eyebrow arched. I can't do that, but I've always wanted to. My mom can.

I toss him my keys. "Why don't you drive," I say, heading over to the passenger side. With the way I've been getting lost in my thoughts, getting behind the wheel wouldn't be a good thing.

"Me?" Kai asks, watching me carefully. I told him the car use to be my dad's and he's probably deduced that I don't let others touch it. Well, except for Ian that one time. But it wasn't really by choice, was it?

"You can drive, can't you?" I counter, hoping to distract him from my odd behavior. "I mean, or do you just let your driver take you every where, poor rich boy?"

"I can drive," he answers, still watching me.

His gaze bothers me. He already knows more about me than most, and I don't need him figuring out anymore. "Well, it's nice to know that they actually teach you something at that fancy school," I say as I open the passenger door and close it behind me. He gets the hint and goes around to the driver's side.

He's considerably taller than I am, and I fight the urge to grab his hand when he goes to adjust my mirror and seat. I let him drive, I tell myself again.

Kai's right, though: he can drive. I am surprised as he handles the car with ease. I'd always assumed that the rich were horrible drivers simply because they could afford to be.

It relaxes me, being able to take my eyes off the road and enjoy the scenery and not have to worry if he's going to crash. I only realize the ride is over when I hear the crunch of the old gravel under the tires. This time, I'm not concerned with the rusty look or scraps of metal while heading up the stairs.

I am concerned with the fact that the last time we were up here, Kai lied to me about Tala.

Once inside, I take a seat on one of the couches and pull out a textbook.

"I hope you don't mind," I say as I flip it open, "but I actually have to study."

Really, I add mentally, I don't know what to say to you right now.

He shakes his head, opening a small door and pulling out a drink. "Want one?" he offers. I smile and nod.

"I hadn't noticed the fridge in here before," I comment as he hands me a cold soda. I pop the can and take a sip. It's refreshing. I can't remember the last time I had a soda.

I try to focus on my homework, but Kai just sits there doing nothing. His eyes are closed, but he's not sleeping.

"So," I start, confused as to why this silence feels awkward when usually it's all I ask for, "what happened with Brooklyn?"

His eyes snap open and over to me. "What?" He asks. There's a certain ring to his voice that I can't name, but for a moment I'm scared. Then I remember this is Kai and not Brooklyn.

"When he punched you and you punched back?" I continue, "What happened with that? I mean, I know he was suspended for fighting with Tala, but you don't seem to have gotten into trouble."

He relaxes and I am left wondering why he's so tense today. "My grandfather has too much influence for them to actually punish me."

"And Tala's family?" I know from giving Tala a ride home that his family has money, and Kai even admitted that Tala used to go to his school.

"Tala thinks of suspensions as vacations," Kai laughs, "he'll be fine."

I want to ask more, hoping to trick something out of him. If I know one thing, it's that a perfectly placed question can open up more than the speaker thinks. However, Kai beats me to it.

"What are you working on?" He asks, sliding over to my couch and leaning over my book. "Math. Are you good at it?"

He changed the subject and I can't turn it back now. "I do well enough on my own." I close the book and turn to him. "I can work on it later."

Leaning against the couch, angled towards him I sigh. He really is impressive to look at. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's definitely in his eyes. There's just something about them that's so…captivating. It's the intelligence or something. He's managed to outwit me multiple times.

"What happened between you and Tala?"

He smirks and I watch the cleverness he clearly holds light up in him. "Why are you so curious? All these questions about Tala; I'm starting to get jealous. Maybe you're just using me to get to him."

I blush. "Because," I start, looking for the reason. I began wondering why Tala was curious about me, and I was trying to figure him out, but now…now I think I just want to know about Kai. "It's like Tala's had this whole other life and I never knew about it and it involves you. I'm just wondering why it stopped."

Kai shrugs. "We drifted apart after he left school. Nothing big. Like I said, we still see each other, just not as often. And with him in public school, there's not much for us to talk about except the same old things."

"Oh." I nod, like I understand his life. "Why'd he have to leave?"

He does that lift-the-eyebrow thing again. "Why do you think? He couldn't stop fighting."

This time I laugh. That should have been obvious.

"Did it hurt?" I ask after I've calmed down. I look at him, at his profile and suddenly, I want to know everything. He's the one person I want to listen to. "When you and Tala drifted, did it hurt you?"

Kai doesn't look at me, but he's quiet. I can hear him breathing from my place and I wonder if I've crossed a line. "For a little while. We grew up as best friends, and when he left, there was a hole," he says finally. "But I am used to being left behind and alone, so it didn't take long for the hole to heal."

"Yeah," I say. "I remember when Ming-Ming first started dating Brooklyn they were so into each other and I thought I was, you know, really losing her to him. I mean, they'd go out all the time and I didn't want to tagalong with them because then I would be the third wheel and I thought that Ming-Ming would resent me because she would never get to be alone with him, but she never forgot me. She'd make time for me on the weekends or something."

Kai was silent. It was the first time I'd openly and willingly talked about Ming-Ming in a long time. It felt good to revisit that place, to remember her from before, as if I were getting a weight off my chest. There's still a lot of weight on me, dragging me down, but one stone is gone.

"Ming-Ming dated Brooklyn?" Kai speaks up.

He's looking at me and I'm so lost in feeling great and actually talking about something that's real that I didn't stop to think about what I was saying.

"What?"

"You said 'when Ming-Ming and Brooklyn first started dating,'" Kai repeats. "They were together?"

I look away from his sharp gaze, shifting and leaning away from him. "Um, yeah. For a little while."

"How long were they apart before she died?"

I feel a sharp stab, and then multiple stabs all over my body. I shut down completely. Picking up my textbook, I shove it back into my bag. "I think I'm done for the night. I can give you a ride home if you need one."

I don't look at him; I can't. I'm not afraid that he'll get me to spill everything, but I am afraid of what he'll see in me: Someone not strong enough. Someone who's done horrible things.

I'm afraid he might actually see me.

"Hilary, I'm sorry," he says, and he reaches out and grabs my wrist. I pull back, but not hard and he doesn't tighten his grip like Brooklyn would have done. "I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore, but please stay here. It's not that late and what do you have to do anyway, besides sit at home worrying about him?"

He's right, of course. I drop my bag, after debating the pros and cons, and lean back. I'm still not comfortable, and probably won't say much for the rest of the night, but if he still wants my company and I his, then maybe it's okay.

We stay for a few hours, mostly in silence except for a few words here and there and then I drive him home. Unsurprisingly, he lives right around the corner from Tala. The house is huge and daunting where the rest of the houses surrounding it are huge and welcoming, almost.

"It's my grandfather's," Kai says as he unbuckles himself, "He's exactly like this house."

"Oh," I say for lack of anything better.

"My parents died a while ago and left me here with him. That's when I learned the truth about him."

"What's the truth?" For all the talking we've done (well, I've done), this is the first time I feel like he's truly opening up to me.

He sends me a roguish smile, a darkness clouding his features. He stands outside the door, leaning in. "He's much scarier than he looks," he whispers before shutting the door and walking up the large driveway.

Hmm. I can name a few people like that.

When I get home, I still have a lot of homework to do. I'm not sure if I can keep up my perfect grades if I actually have friends to talk to.

I'm also not sure if I care. I always had good grades, not perfect but good, and it made my parents happy. But things are different now.

Again, I'm not sure if I care. I'm willing to sacrifice anything if I get to keep talking to Kai.

I should probably care about that. I mean, it's only been a week, but…

When I open my door, thinking about whether or not Kai is worth the loss of a perfect grade and if it's okay for me to obsess over him, I find my mom sitting on the couch watching a movie. I stop moving, shocked to see her home so early and in the living room. My mom and I keep to our bedrooms unless interaction becomes unavoidable.

She turns her head to me and I see that her eyes are wet with unshed tears. She gives me a weak smile before motioning to the movie playing. "I was looking for the weather channel when I found this. You used to love this movie. You and your dad could watch it over and over again. I hated it. It became the background noise to our entire lives. You'd sing the songs in the car, repeat the lines whenever you could. Once, you even reenacted one of the scenes while waiting at the doctor's office."

I remember the movie. I remember everything she mentioned. Which is why I avoid the movie at all costs.

"I'm going to bed," I mumble and start for the stairs.

"Hilary," she calls out. I pause again and then turn slowly to face her. She seems as confused about her calling out as I am. "Uh…good night."

I nod. " 'night."

I get to my room before she has a chance to mess up our routine any more. I'm not in the right place to deal with her properly right now. In fact, I don't think I've ever been in the right place…

The next day, people are back to shooting me dirty looks. Kai successfully stopped anyone from talking to me yesterday, and I can just imagine the trouble my peers have gotten themselves into in such a short amount of time. It must be eating away at their souls.

But oddly, I'm okay with this. Let them see what they've been doing to me for the past two years. Mostly, I'm interested in seeing what they'll do without me.

As I walk towards the school's front doors, the student body moves around me like I'm covered in a force field, I notice Tala's gang, sans Tala, sitting under their tree. It's an outlandish sight, seeing the three of them without their hot-tempered leader, but they seem to be doing fine without him.

Suddenly, Bryan looks up. I swear he finds me instantly, as if he knows I am watching. I stop moving, stilled by his gaze, as I think back to what he said to me in the classroom. Then, Bryan nods. Just once, he moved his head up like he's acknowledging me; like we're buddies.

An arm drops around my shoulders and I let out a yelp of surprise. For a moment, my mind thinks: Brooklyn, but that passes quickly when Kai chuckles.

"Easily spooked," he comments, smirking, "duly noted."

"Well, yeah," I reply, catching my breath. I give him a weak smile. "Who wouldn't be by your face?"

He stares at me and it's the same as yesterday when I patted his cheek. Kai then abruptly bursts into laughter. It's loud and drawing all sorts of attention, but at that moment all I can hear is him and the deep rumble of his laugh. And all I can see is his smile of amusement. He doubles over, bracing himself on his knees.

"Okay," I whisper, bending down so that he can hear me, "that's enough. It wasn't that funny."

His laughter stops then and he looks up. It occurs to me then, as he stares at me through his eyelashes and bangs, that I'm probably too close.

"You're a surprise, you know that?" he rejoins. "Not what I thought, that's for sure."

I feel my heart lift a beat. He thought about me. "What was it that you thought about me?"

He smirks. "I thought you were a quiet, little mouse of a girl. But you're not. You're firecracker."

Firecracker? The image of a little box with a string lit, the ember slowly burning down until it reaches the box. You always want to stand close, afraid you'll miss the action if you're too far.

And then it explodes in flashes of light and color.

It's deceptive, the little box.

"Possibly," I say, grinning a little bit.

"Come on, little firecracker," Kai smirks again, pulling me along towards the school.

As we continue, the stares become more blatant and whispers fill the crowd. "Where are you dragging me to, and why?" Suddenly, all the attention isn't a good thing.

"I can't leave you alone," he calls over his shoulder. "You'll be mobbed by all your fans."

Fans? Is he trying to be obnoxious?

He drags me into an empty classroom and I have a flashback of Bryan. But Kai is different from Bryan, I reason with myself.

Kai wants something, the other part of my reasoning returns.

Bryan wants Brooklyn.

And what does Kai want?

I look at Kai. He's sitting on the teacher's desk, observing me have my internal battle.

Does it matter what Kai wants? I ask myself. At least he talks to me like I'm a human being and not a robot.

"How long have Bryan and all of them been friends with Tala?" I ask Kai to distract myself.

He shrugs. "Bryan and Spencer went to school with Tala and me, closer to him than me, but Tala was my best friend. Anyway, when Tala left, they eventually followed. I'm not sure where along the line they picked up Ian."

"Huh," I said. I had walked closer to him as he was talking and I am now standing next to him. I eye the desk, and then glance at him. Of course, he seems to know what I'm thinking.

"No one's going to know," he says as he pats the space next to him. "It feels good; kind of rebellious, but not, at the same time."

Unsure, I braced my hands on the edge of the desk. I look up at him again and he nods. So I host myself up and wiggle until I'm comfortable. My heart's beating a million miles a minute as I survey the view of a teacher. Kai nudges me with his shoulder and I rock a little, but it's enough to loosen me up. I giggle and swing my legs back and forth.

"This is different," I whisper, "You're different."

"Different from who, exactly?"

"From everyone - anyone I've ever met."

I smile again and duck my head. I'm really getting into this, into him, too deeply. I feel like I'm setting myself up, and I'm doing nothing to cushion the fall.

"You know, Bryan dragged me into a classroom the other day," I say when he says nothing back. "It kinda freaked me out. Do you think you could talk to them for me? Get them to, I don't know, back off a little."

I peek up, afraid of what his expression is going to be, but he's not looking at me. Instead, he's looking out the window. I'm afraid I may have said something wrong, so next thing I know, I'm tripping over my tongue trying to take it all back. Then, his hand lands gently on my back.

"It's okay," he says not looking at me, "I'll talk to them. You deserve some peace."

His hand is rubbing slow circles and I relax. "Thanks." I reply, for need of something to say, when all I can think about is him and how I'm beginning to love being in his presence too much.

* * *

So chapter 7. Yay. See, the wait wasn't as long! We can all thank .zulka for her hard work on this.

Tell me what you think? Hilary's acting different, but is it good or bad? What's up with Kai and what's up with everyone else? I know you're all curious and I'm curious as to what you think. Probably one of the greatest, funnest parts of writing this story is reading your guesses. Some you are very close while others...well, I just wander if you're going to like how it all turns out.

Chapter 8 should be out soon.

REVIEW please. we all love them.


	8. Your Universe

_Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn't hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor._ - _Hugh __Elliott__._

As it turns out, that private school of Kai's actually teaches its students a thing or two. He finishes his homework half an hour before I give up on mine. He laughs as I growl and shove it away.

"Having trouble?" he asks mockingly.

I shoot him a dirty look, deciding not to answer his question. I settle in against his comfy couch, curling up and turning towards him. He started lounging as soon as he finished his work and now looks similar to a cat taking a nap.

"Hey," I nudge him with my foot, having long discarded my shoes. "What are you thinking about?"

He peeks an eye open and smirks. "I thought only girlfriends were that annoying," he says, closing his eye again. "As it turns out, it's just girls in general. Suddenly, I'm very thankful my school lacks the gender completely."

I hate it when he talks like that, all proper and everything. But I'm too busy blushing over the girlfriend comment to be annoyed with his word choices.

"I'm not really thinking about anything," he answers before I have the chance to say anything. I find it hard to believe that someone like Kai would ever have a completely empty mind.

I look around the room and sigh. "You should get some games in here," I reply, changing the topic.

This time he opens both eyes and looks around the room. He blinks as if he's surprised by how sparse it is. "I don't usually invite people here."

"Yeah, but I'm here now," I remind him with a smile, "and I'd be a horrible friend if I was just an annoying girl."

"True, but you don't annoy me that much." He laughs a little. "In fact, you don't annoy me at all. Which is weird." He adds the ending in a whisper, like I wasn't supposed to hear it.

"Because?" I ask when he leaves the sentence hanging.

His gaze shifts to me. Tonight, his eyes are darker than normal. "Because mostly everyone annoys me."

I consider his words. "Is that a compliment or are you calling me weird?"

Kai shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm not sure, but I don't mind having you around, so does it matter?"

No, I think. No, it doesn't matter.

"I like having you around, too," I respond. "I haven't been this comfortable in a long time."

"That's good," Kai says.

Life has been good since Kai showed up. "Do you realize that it's only been eleven days since the first time you spoke to me?" I ask, glancing up at him with a smile.

He takes a moment to think about it. "Huh," he says and smiles. "Eleven days all together."

"A lot has happened," I blink. For some reason, my heart picks up a beat as I remember the events. "More has happened in these past eleven days than in two years."

"More has happened in these past eleven days than in most of my life."

I snort. "That can't be true."

Kai furrows his brow. "Why not?"

"Because you're rich. You must have traveled the world and met incredible people and did incredible things and really lived."

"Yeah, maybe," Kai shrugs, lifting one shoulder towards his ear and letting it drop carelessly. "But none of it meant anything."

I stay silent. I don't know if he realizes what he's saying; I'm having more of an impact in his life than he is having in mine.

This simply cannot be true.

Maybe he doesn't know that.

"What kind of games do you want?" He asks, drawing me back to the conversation.

I laugh lightly. Now he's the one changing the conversation. "I don't know," I say. "I haven't played games in forever. Definitely some board games, since those are the best."

"Yeah?"

I give him a curious look. "Have you never played board games?"

He shakes his head. "I have no siblings and live with my grandfather," he explains. "And he's not exactly the gamer type."

"But what about your friends at school?"

"I don't have any."

"You had Tala." I push, "Didn't you play games with him?"

"No," he answers. "We weren't the type."

I'm stunned. "I can't believe you've never played games. No video games or board games? What about recess? You had to have played games at recess."

"My schools have always been very strict," Kai says. "And after my parents died, I didn't much feel like playing anything."

I suddenly remember Kai telling me his parents died when he was young and felt bad for pushing him. Of course, I could understand not wanting to play or be cheery after losing someone.

"Did your dad play with you?" he asks.

I smile. "He used to make my mom and I sit down at the table and play a game or something. He said it helped with family bonding. And, a lot of people didn't know it, but Ming-Ming was very clever and strategic, so she loved board games. She had this amazing collection and we would play whenever I spent the night."

Thinking of Ming-Ming made me remember all the times she kicked my butt at those games and the fun we had, which made me think of when the fun stopped, which made me think of Brooklyn.

Which, of course, reminded me that we had one day left until Tala and Brooklyn returned to school and my world got a little smaller.

"Then I will find you some board games,"

I smile and look at him. "Yeah? You will? You don't have to, you know. It was just a thought."

He sends me a knowing smirk and I rolled my eyes. "It's not a problem," he says. "Besides, it should be more interesting than sitting staring at each other."

I want to argue that point, but feel I might only succeed in seeming like some sort of creeper.

The rest of our time spent in the warehouse is filled with light conversation and laughing. Nothing serious and I think he might have finally stopped asking me about Ming-Ming.

When I wake up the next morning, I'm in a good mood. I dance around my room to the songs on the radio, even using my hairbrush as a microphone. I laugh at myself when I realize I'm doing it but I can't stop smiling. I try to, pulling the corner of my lips down into a straight line, but the second I realize they pull up again. I give up.

I arrive at school to find Kai seating on the curb near my usual parking spot.

"Hey," I greet as I jump out to see him. He opens his mouth to respond but suddenly stops and tilts his head to the side, eyeing me with confusion.

"Are you wearing make-up?" he asks.

I blush. "Oh, yeah. I got up early this morning and was in a surprisingly good mood, so I thought I'd mess around with some of my mom's stuff. All of my make-up is old because I haven't used it in two years…" I trail off. Kai is still looking at me like he'd never seen me before. "Why? Do I look weird?"

"No," he drawls, "just different."

"Well, is it a good different or a bad different."

He looks around the courtyard before bringing his eyes back to me. "I haven't decided yet."

Oh. Well, then. I'm not sure what that means, but I feel a pang in my chest after his comment. I don't have a lot of practice with make-up, but I don't think I did that bad.

"Anyway," he continues, pulling away and walking towards the school, "I have a surprise for you this afternoon."

I smile and follow him. "What kind of surprise?"

"Not one that you'll have to worry about," he smirks.

I persist in pestering him about this so-called surprise as we walk into the school. People have stopped staring at us, but he doesn't seem to notice. I do, though. I notice how people seem to be doing just fine without me. They're lives carry on and they don't need me to make them feel better about it.

It makes me feel good to know that I'm not actually needed. In fact, I feel like the world has lifted from my shoulders.

"Hey," I say, as we stop at his temporary locker and motion to the girl's restroom, "I'll be right back."

He nods and I slip across the hall and through the swinging door. Something feels different about today and I need a moment to process it. I was excited to come to school this morning, I'm wearing make-up, people aren't staring at me or trying to talk to me…

Brooklyn isn't here to scare me.

This feels like the life I had two years ago.

And all because of Kai.

I should really find a way to thank him.

But it might all come crashing down tomorrow.

I keep a steady gaze on the mirror, trying to see if I do look different and even I have to say that I do. It's weird, but it's like everything about me that was broken has been glued back together. The glue is probably cheap and will fall apart after a while, but it looks good now. Maybe this will give me some time to find a stronger glue. I laugh at my silly metaphor.

The door bangs open and I jump. Julia is standing there with her hand over her mouth and red eyes.

"Oh," she says. "I didn't think—I'll go."

"No," I stop her, holding out my hand. "What's wrong, Julia."

She hesitates, appearing as if she's actually considering telling me.

Imagine that: someone thinking about whether or not they actually want to unload all their secrets onto The Listener. It's pure ludicrous.

"Julia, please," I urge her.

Now imagine this: me actually begging someone to tell me their secrets. You must think I'm crazy or something; always wishing to get away from my reputation, only to run back to it the first chance I get.

"It's just that," she starts. She sniffles and pulls at the sleeves of her shirt. "This whole thing with Raul, it's driving me crazy. I've tried everything to stop it, but he's everywhere I go and I just…"

"Hey," I say gently. I approach her and pull her against me, giving her a weak hug.

"And I can't tell anyone anything," she keeps going. "Well, except you. But just think of what they'd think of me. You'd never think anything of me."

"I know," I whisper.

She pulls away. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Honestly, I think you've solved your own problem."

Julia gawks at me. Her jaw hangs as her green eyes grow wide. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you said that you can't get over it because he's everywhere you go," I remind her. She nods in agreement. "Then the answer is to go places without him. You're lucky; you were born with a built-in best friend, but that doesn't mean you always have to be together. You should try to put some distance between you. Try going to new places, find new friends. You can each live your own lives and still be twins."

"So," she says slowly, "go places without Raul."

"Yeah, develop new friendships that don't involve him. Right now, you're both so involved in each other's life, there's no getting away from him. Once you have your own things, you'll have things to focus on that are just for you."

And then she does something strange. Julia, too, looks at me as if she's never seen me before. "Thanks, Hilary." She says.

"Yeah," I reply. "I don't know if it's going to work, but it couldn't hurt to try, right?"

"No, I don't suppose it could get any worse than this."

She goes to the mirror and pulls out her make-up bag. I think we're done with the conversation, but something is nagging at me.

"Hey, Julia?" I call out. She stops applying mascara to turn to me. "You're wrong about me never thinking about you. I have opinions and thoughts about everything everyone tells me. I just won't talk about them behind your back. Or ever, really."

Julia blinks, like this is something she just realized. I guess it probably is.

I turn to walk out the door, relieved I was able to say that to her, when she calls out to me.

I turn around, my hand on the door ready to bolt if I need to. She smiles, the image softening her face. "You really do look pretty today. I like it. Keep changing."

I nod stiffly, shocked by her words. Kai is waiting for me when I make it out of the room.

"You okay?" he asks, studying my face again.

I roll my eyes, brushing off his comment since I wasn't going to tell him about my talk with Julia. "You know, if you keep looking at me that much, I'm going to think you're in love with me."

He takes a step back, eyeing me closely. Finally, he laughs. It's more of a low chuckle from deep within his throat. "You wish."

I don't reply but a delighted feeling sets in.

Classes start soon after that and I make it through them easily enough. I even answer questions in one of my classes, stunning my teacher into speechlessness. When lunch rolls around, I continue to quiz Kai about the surprise he has for me.

"Let me guess," I say, poking at my salad, "you got me a puppy."

"Why would I get you a puppy?" He seems baffled by this idea.

"Because puppies are cute and nice."

He rolls his eyes. "No, I didn't get you a puppy."

"How about a kitty?"

"Do you remember last night when I told you I like talking to you because you don't annoy me like everyone else?"

My chance to be baffled by the turn in the conversation. "Yeah, why?"

"I take it back."

I snicker and so does he a little. "I'm going to miss this tomorrow," I sigh when I calm down.

He sends me a puzzled look. "Why?"

"Because tomorrow Brooklyn's going to be back in school," I answer, my tone suggesting it is obvious.

His look doesn't stop. In fact, I think it increases. His eyes narrow even more and he leans towards me, like he'll hear what I'm thinking if he's close enough.

"Kai," I whisper, glancing around the room to make sure no one is listening to me. They're not, I gladly note. "Brooklyn told me to stay away from you. If he's here, I can't be…around you."

He sits back, pushing his tray of food away. I notice his jaw tense as he folds his arms across his chest. I can tell he's pissed.

"Look, we can still hang out, just not at school."

"It's not that," he says stiffly. But it is. It so is.

"Then what is it?"

He shrugs rigidly, not with his normal fluency. "It's nothing."

I stifle a groan. "I'm not picking him over you," I almost shout, but reign in my voice. I look around again to make sure no one heard. "I'm not. It's just that…I can't just disregard what he tells me."

"Why not?"

I stare at him. He licks his teeth as he waits for my response, and there's a challenging look in his eyes. He's pushing it. He knows he is. I can feel myself shutting down, not wanting to visit the places he's trying to drag me to. I don't want to openly admit what he wants me to say.

Instead of backtracking and pulling away, I decide to dissolve any arguement. "Because Brooklyn is Brooklyn, and that's that."

"You know I wouldn't let him hurt you," Kai says. I look at him, shaken by the statement. He looks serious and determined.

I don't say anything for the rest of lunch, which thankfully only lasts a couple more minutes. As we part ways, I look up at him. He still has that determined look, but there's something else there that I can't name. "Meet you by the car?" I ask.

He nods once and turns down a hallway away from me. I stare after him, wondering what happened and how my good day could turn so sour so quickly.

When I turn around, I pause. Spencer is standing behind me, all tall and quiet.

"Um, hi?" It comes out as a question because I'm not sure of what else to do.

He doesn't say anything. For a second I think he's about to pull me into an empty classroom, but I realize that's not like him.

"Bryan is sorry he scared you the other day," he says like he's delivering a message or reciting a line from a play. He doesn't wait for a response before walking away.

Weird.

For the rest of the day, I revert back to the me I have been for the past two years. This, people seem to notice. I catch other students glancing at me as I stare blankly ahead. When did I become the center of attention at this freaking school? I suddenly wish for the days I was invisible to them until they needed me.

Kai is already leaning against my car when I make it out after classes. He's talking to some boy and I realize I've seen him talking to the boy before. He's short, scrawny, and wears glasses. It looks like they have nothing in common as I watch them. They appear to be arguing and I wait until they're done to approach him.

"So," I say. I'm not sure if Kai is still in a bad mood or if he's going to be civil.

He holds out his hand. "I'll drive." His voice is gruff and clipped. He's in a no nonsense mood. I toss him the keys and walk around to the passenger side.

As we pull away from the parking lot, I turn to him. "Who was that? The boy you were talking to?"

"Just a boy from my school," he replies shortly. His voice has no tone and he doesn't bother to look at me.

I sit there, wondering why I'm letting him treat me this way.

"You know, I had a real conversation with Julia today," I say conversely, trying to draw him out.

His eyes move from the road to the rearview mirror and back. "The girl with the twin brother?" I don't want to know why or how he knows that.

"Yeah, her. She was crying in the bathroom and we talked."

He huffs. "Good. I'm happy for you."

He's not, but I'm not going to call him out on it. "As I was going to leave, she told me to keep changing, but the funny thing is: I'm not really changing."

Kai scoffs. "Yes, you are. You're changing a lot. You're hardly like the girl I met twelve days ago." He glances at me from the corner of his eye. "Most of the time."

"But I'm not," I disagree with him. "See, I've always been this way. I just lost this part of me when Ming-Ming died, and now I've uncovered it."

"You mean Brooklyn buried this part of you, in some way that you refuse to discuss." He points out bluntly. I can hear the poorly hide anger in his voice.

I cross my arms over my chest and look away, upset that he's brought this up. "You know, it's really rude to act like a jerk while driving my car."

"And it's really bitchy of you to act this way period."

"I'm not acting any way!" I shout at him. "And you started it."

"What, can't handle the truth?"

I'm so shocked, I can't think of a reply. When we pull into the gravel drive of the warehouse, neither of us make a move to leave the car.

Finally, I break the silence.

"I don't like Brooklyn," I admit. I refuse to look at him. If I do, he might see the tears in my eyes. "Fine. But why do you keep bringing it up?"

"Because he hurt you," Kai replies quickly. Almost too quickly. "He shouldn't be allowed to go on without having to pay for it."

"Okay, maybe." I sigh. I had thought I knew more about Kai than I actually do. "Just…Kai, are you using me to get to him? Am I just a way to get to Brooklyn?"

"No." He answers, his voice soft. "I'm here because of you."

"Promise me."

"I swear it to you."

I want to believe him.

So, I do.

Even when my gut says I shouldn't.

* * *

As always, please thank zulka for her wonderful beta-ing.

Someone2003 created the banner you will now find if you go to the I'm Listening section on my website. It's amazing and I'm so...happy and grateful that she look the time to work on it.

Also, Map of the Stars created a amv/trailer type video for I'm Listening. It's not up yet, but we're working on getting up soon. I will let you know when it is.

Thank you to all the readers and reviewers. Sorry for the delayed update.


	9. You'll See Why

_No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.- Mignon McLaughlin _

My frustration with Kai didn't last too long after our… argument. His surprise for me was two piles of board games waiting for me at the warehouse. He'd also had a TV with a video game console installed, though we never got to those. We finished the week by slowly working our way through the board games. In it all, I noticed a pattern; Kai was better at the strategy games like Monopoly and Chess. I kicked his butt at games that relied more on luck than anything else.

It was all good fun, though.

And really, the only fun I got.

I still regret acting paranoid on the last real day of freedom Kai and I had. The next morning, Brooklyn was at school before I was. He was all smiles as the students greeted him at his return. I saw Tala glowering at him with his group by the trees, cigarette in hand. I was momentarily happy Kai had never picked up the habit when I realized I don't really know what Kai's habits are. Sure, I'd never seen him smoke…but that meant nothing.

I made it a point to ask him eventually.

I kept my head down as I walked by Brooklyn, hoping he didn't see the change that I saw in myself. I knew he would eventually, but I hope to put it off for as long as possible. It was easy, considering Brooklyn was too busy feeding his ego to bother with me.

Kai wasn't anywhere near my locker, but instead down the hall talking with a group of boys; a blond and the shorter boy with glasses I keep seeing him with. He didn't pay me any attention, and even though I knew I told him not to, it still stung a bit. Was he that good at pretending or was he pretending at all?

Without Kai by my side, the week passed agonizingly slow. Julia surprised me at lunch by continuously sitting at my table without a word. The first day I stared at her in question. She just ate her food. In the end, I gave up wondering and just let it happen, but I still missed Kai. Each time I discreetly glanced over to him, hoping to catch him looking back, he was looking in the opposite direction like I didn't even exist. Worse, the separation didn't seem to bother him at all. Maybe I was the only one growing attached.

No, I had to tell myself repeatedly. Kai's just better at playing this game than I am. He's had more practice. He was just pretending.

I just wished he'd show something…anything that proved he was missing me, too.

We didn't get to spend as much time at the warehouse either. I was always afraid Brooklyn would show up again to remind me who I was and where I belonged. But when I returned each day, positive that my fairytale would come crashing down, my house was just as I'd left it.

Today, the last day of the week, I counted the seconds until the last bell rang. My mother had caught me before I left this morning, giving me an odd look when she saw me wearing make-up. Once she got over her shock, she let me know she was going on a business trip and wouldn't be back until Tuesday morning. It isn't the first time she's left me alone, but it is the first time the thought doesn't strike fear or loneliness into my heart. This time, I intend to make plans, though she probably wouldn't approve of them.

When the bell rings, I am up and out of my seat before most can grab their bags. I exchange my books at my locker, taking the ones I'll need for homework before getting out to the courtyard. Brooklyn has been distracted lately, his nervousness at Kai's sudden appearance having disappeared now that Kai and I don't talk in public. I was scared one of his "friends" would let it slip, but I guess I'm not as big news as I thought.

I rush to my car, careful to make it look like I'm not rushing at all. I am a little stunned to see Julia leaning against the hood when I arrive.

"Um, do you need a ride?"

"No." She's wearing cool, dark sunglasses. I can't see her eyes. "I got a ride with a friend today."

"Oh, okay."

"I just wanted to let you know that your secret is safe with me."

My heart drops to the ground. Probably deeper, burying itself into the earth. "Secret?" I barely manage to get out.

"Yeah. We all know Brooklyn has a thing for you," she smirks a little, "but you've got a thing for the hot new boy. Not that I blame you, though – you've clearly got good taste." I see her eyebrows wiggle over the edge of her sunglasses.

I know my face lights up a bright red. She could see my obvious crush on Kai…

…and she thought Brooklyn had a thing for me.

At least she's only partly right about things.

"Well, thanks," I say, for lack of something better.

She nods briefly before rejoining her friends. As I get in my car and start to drive away, I reflect how weird it is for someone to keep my secrets for once.

Almost like…a friend.

The house is empty when I get there, as expected. However, like always when my mom leaves town, there is an air of absence. A certain quietness that fills the house, like the walls know she's not coming back.

I have to occupy my time with frivolous things for an hour and a half. That is the time limit Kai and I agreed on. I figured that if Brooklyn really wanted to speak to me, he would do it then. I do some homework, actually spend time thinking about what to wear even though I know I'm going to settle on jeans and a tee-shirt. I mess with my hair a little. It's surprising normal girl things that I find myself doing more and more lately.

I leave twenty minutes earlier than planned, unable to wait any longer. I don't think Kai will mind, seeing as he's always watching the news on the new TV when I get there anyway. I gave him an odd look when I walked in, as he seemed interested in what was on—something to do with business that went right over my head. He informed me that it's never a good thing to be uninformed.

I told him that I like being blissfully ignorant. He didn't look at all pleased.

This time when I get there he's reading instead of watching TV. When he sees me, he throws the book down as if to say 'thank god' and sits down in front of the coffee table.

"What's the game today?" he asks.

I laugh. "Eager, are we? I can always wait if you want to finish your book. I wouldn't want you to be uninformed."

He glares at me, not impressed with my mocking. I sit down across from him and our feet brush under the table as I cross mine. I avoid eye contact and look at the stack we had yet to play. A tiny box catches my attention.

"How about a game of cards?" I ask. Many games can be played with cards.

He nods and grabs the deck. I notice him trying to hide a smirk, but it doesn't come as a surprise to me that he knows how to play cards. Besides, I have a few tricks up my sleeve as well.

Fifteen minutes later, he's back to glaring at me, studying the cards laid out in front of us. I pop a chip from the snack supply in my mouth and look back innocently.

"What?"

He doesn't reply for a moment. He looks at the cards once more before looking back to me. "Again." Kai demands then, gathering the cards and shuffling them.

Twenty minutes go by and I get up to get myself a soda and Kai water as he goes over all the moves in the game. When he's done, he stares at me. It's not a glare, but more of a look of amazement.

"How?"

I shrug. "My mom and dad met at a card game. She was a bit of a shark. She used to say she took all of his money and then his heart. Cheesy, but she did pass on her talent, so I guess I can't blame her."

Kai's smile was slow but it appeared. Yet again, I'm shocked by how beautiful it is. I hate to say that about him, because beautiful always seemed like such a girly word…but if the shoe fits, right?

"I'm impressed." Kai's smile actually reaching his eyes, which are a darker color today.

I lift my chin in the air. "Why, thank you. Thank you very much. I'd like to thank my friends and family, without them I wouldn't have made it this far. And of course the fans. This was for every one of you who supported me, and …oof. Hey."

I pout after Kai kicks me and then laughs, but then I laugh too.

"So," I ask slowly after getting my laugher under control, "do I get a reward for beating you?"

He blinks at me and it's suddenly hard to tell what he's thinking behind his eyes. Not that it's ever easy, but sometimes I think he lets me know what he's thinking without saying anything. And now…well, it feels like he's hiding his thoughts from me.

"Yeah, you can have a reward. Anything you want."

For a second, I think his voice sounds deeper than usual and I have to tell myself that I'm hearing things before I can respond.

This is where it gets awkward for me. I'd spent all day convinced that it would just be so easy. I thought I'd be okay if he said "No" but the truth is, after seeing the way he can act like he doesn't even know me at school, if he says "No" now, I'll be a little heart broken.

"See," I start out, dragging the word out, "My mom's going out of town this weekend, so I'll have the house all to myself. I was just wondering if you wanted to come over."

His eyes widened slightly, before narrowing again. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. I was thinking we could watch a movie or something."

He continues to watch me closely. "Just a movie?"

I shrug, a little uncomfortable in his gaze. "Unless you want to bring over some games," I say, gesturing to the stack of undefeated toys.

Kai's stare loses a bit of power as he relaxes again. "Okay," he agrees as if nothing happened just a minute ago.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," he shrugs, collecting the cards once again. "We'll watch a movie."

Okay. We'll watch a movie.

That's his response.

Well, I guess it's the one I wanted, but I thought he had something else to say.

"Do you have a favorite movie?"

He shrugs again, dealing out a new hand. "I don't watch movies, so anything you want to see will be new to me."

"So you don't play games and you don't watch movies?" I ask, picking up my cards. "Is there anything you actually do?"

He smirks. "Kick ass at cards."

Ha. Challenge accepted.

The next evening I am panicking. I've changed my outfit three times, for what I don't know. Kai knows what I look like and we're just watching movies. As I pull down the black dress I'd settled on again, I wonder why I even care. I know I'm attracted to him, but it's not like anything's going to come of it. The dress is cotton and flares out at the waste flowing to just above the knee, and it's not too tight or revealing. It's actually very comfortable and I kind of love it. It's one of the few things I've hung on to throughout the years.

I went to the store earlier in the afternoon after realizing there are no snack foods in the house. I piled chips and pop corn and other junk foods into the cart and hoped my mom didn't suddenly worry about my shopping habits. It's not like I've ever done something like this before. Maybe I should call and let her know I'm using the card…

No. She won't ask.

I'm going through the stack of movies when my door bell rings and I jump two feet in the air. It's just Kai, I tell myself while I smooth down my dress and approach the door. Okay. Showtime. Literally.

I fix my lips into a bright smile to hide my nerves as I open my door. My smile instantly becomes real when I see Kai standing on the other side, smirking as usual. He doesn't look like he spent all day worrying over what to wear or anything and I feel ten times better about myself.

"Hey," I say, opening the door wider to invite him in to my home.

"Hey."

It occurs to me then that this is the first time I've ever invited a boy into my house. Sure, Brooklyn and Kai have both been here before, but they broke in then. This is the first time I've opened the door to someone.

And I'm really happy it is Kai.

"So, I've picked out some movies. I don't know what you would like, but I figured you wouldn't be big on love stories or comedies which mostly left action and horror. The pick is yours."

I'm on the verge of babbling, so I shut up, motion to the movies, and sit on the couch. He looks at the stack.

"I'm not familiar with any of them, so I wouldn't know where to begin."

"Any of them are good picks really," I say, leaning forward to get a g peek. I haven't seen a movie in years either, so I was hoping he'd at least have an idea of something he'd like to see. I hope he doesn't mind me pushing the decision off on him.

He spends a little time going over the titles and finally settles on one. It is an action movie, filled with guns and people jumping out of planes and off buildings – seems like as good a choice as any.

Kai sits on the couch next to me, but leaving just enough distance so that we're not touching. The previews start and both of us are quiet.

"I bought snacks," I say and suddenly jump up. "Do you want any?"

He seems surprised at my movement, but nods. "I'll help,"

"No," I push his shoulder to keep him seated. "I've got this."

Why is this so much more awkward than I anticipated? We've spent the last week alone in his warehouse, so what's up? Why am I freaking out so much?

I bring out the bowls I've filled with popcorn and chips, as well as the different drinks I bought. He always drinks water, but I figured I'd still give him options.

The movie starts and we both settle in. I'm unsure of what to say or if we should be talking or if he'd rather just watch the movie and it's driving me nuts.

Kai lets out a little chuckle. "That guy kind of looks like Ian."

I look at the actor he pointed at and laugh. It's true and I can't contain my laughter. When I compose myself, I glance over and, finally, he's looking back at me.

The movie continues, but we barely keep up with it as our conversation flows like usual. He tells me stories about the boys at his school, the kind of fun they get up to for entertainment; stories from when he was younger and his parents were still alive. He said he remembered being happy with them, but it was so long ago that he thought he'd forgotten what real happiness was like.

And I understood exactly what he was talking about.

Because it wasn't too long ago that I had thought I couldn't remember what happiness felt like. Then Kai showed up.

I didn't say this, though, because it would be too close to confessing my feelings.

We put in another movie, this time a horror and I pull a pillow into my lap.

"Ming-Ming and I used to have these sleepovers," I say as the girl starts walking deeper into the house, calling out for her friend while sending a frightened look to every direction a sound comes from. "My mom would tell us not to, but we'd always watch scary movies and freak ourselves out until we couldn't sleep. We'd spend the entire night building forts and stuff. And then, when we were done building forts, we'd watch more scary movies. We were stupid like that."

I half-expect him to follow the Ming-Ming string and start asking me about her again, but hope he doesn't . And he doesn't disappoint.

"I had a fort in the backyard," he comments.

I drop the pillow and stare at him. "Why'd you build a fort in the backyard?"

He returns my 'You're stupid' look with one of his own. It's better than mine is. "Because it was made of wood."

Oh. He had a real fort.

"I don't mean like one of those, stupid." I give him a shove. "I mean, like one made from sheets."

"Why would you do that, stupid?"

"Because it's fun and easier to take down. Well, usually."

"It doesn't sound like fun."

Is he kidding? "Okay. Up. I'm going to the hall closet to grab sheets, you are going to clear away the bowls and move the table. Got it?"

I'm already down the hall when he gets his very confused "No" out.

"Just do it," I shout back, grabbing an armful of sheets.

I pass him on the way to the kitchen where he puts down the bowls and he follows me out. "We don't have to do this, you know. We can just watch the movie."

Screams fill the room, but I don't pay them any attention. "No. What kind of friend would I be if I let you grow up without building a sheet-fort? Honestly, Tala should have his friend-license revoked for this."

"Tala doesn't have a friend-license. He does it illegally."

I laugh hard, almost dropping my sheets. I lay them on the couch and help Kai move the coffee table out of the way. We get to work rearranging the furniture around, bring stuff in from the kitchen, finding items heavy enough to hold the sheets in place, all the stuff I remember doing with my father and Ming-Ming.

All the things I didn't realize I miss doing.

When it's done, we stand back and look at it. We had enough sheets to cover the entire living room and I let out a flighty, almost too tired laugh.

Kai looks at me. "There's no way we're fitting in that thing."

I give him a mischievous smile.

"It doesn't even look stable," he continues.

I don't say anything in reply, but my smile gets a little wider.

"It was a complete waste of time."

The horror movie is still playing in the background, now in the fort we just build.

"Don't worry," I say finally, "these things are always bigger on the inside than they appear."

He gives me a doubting looking, but allows me to pull him under the sheets with me. I was right, obviously, and we both fit, leaning back against the couch with the pillows spread out among us on the floor. The TV was covered by a sheet, giving the feeling of a theater.

Not for the first time, it felt like we were in our own world, one I never wanted to leave.

"Wow," he commented, looking around in surprise. "There's actually a lot of space in here."

"Yeah, my dad was the best at building these things. I don't know how he did it, but once his fort took up two rooms."

We lapse into silence as the credits for the horror movie run. The song is a daunting, dark and it fills the space, but it doesn't touch my good feeling.

"It's weird," I murmur, "but whenever I'm with you, I feel like I can tell you anything."

I'm falling asleep, so it doesn't occur to me that what I said may sound weird.

"It's not weird," he replies. I feel him move and when I open my eyes he's looking at me. His eyes are shadowy, but I attribute that to the environment we're in. "I understand what all those kids at your school think now. Whenever I'm around you, I can relax. I can never relax at home or at school or anywhere, for that matter. I'm always tense, looking over my shoulder, wondering…"

"Wondering, what?" I more awake now that he's talking.

He gives me a grin, but it's not like his normal cocky smirks. This has a touch of sadness attached to it. "Wondering whose going to find out my secrets." He laughs humorlessly. "But here, with you, I can relax and I think, maybe it won't be so bad if I just say something."

I don't say anything in return. His eyes meet mine again, and the seriousness and determination and _life_ that I always see in them is back.

"But I won't do that, because you deserve better. I won't be another one of those kids."

I sit up a little more. "I don't mind when it's you, though. When I talk to you, I feel like I want to know everything about you. And I don't know why, because I never want to know anything about anyone, but I don't hate the feeling. I like it."

"And I want to know about you," he says. "And I don't know why, because I never want to know anything about anyone."

I chuckle a little. For some reason, we always seemed so different to me. Kai always had this confidence in him that I could only ever aspire to. Kai has a way of dealing with his surroundings and people that I admire so much, while I just try to hide. But here we are, having more in common than I could have ever imagined.

"Except you," he adds. It's a whisper, like I wasn't supposed to hear it but I do. "I want to know everything about you. All of your secrets."

I take a deep breath. I knew he wanted my secrets, and suddenly I feel bad about not letting myself share them. For the first time, I find myself actually wanting to say something to him. It would feel so much better to just say it.

I see his hand move across my body and a second later I feel his fingers skim gently across my left shoulder. I gasp lightly, my eyes drifting down to where the strap of my dress has shifted to reveal the inch long scar there. It's easy to tell that it was a wound left untreated by the slightly raised bump and the discoloration of the skin. Kai's fingers glide tenderly along its length.

"It makes more sense now." His eyes are on the scar and there's anger in them that his voice didn't expose. "He's done more than just threaten you."

I can't say anything. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I could.

"What else has he done?" Kai asks then, and some of the anger has seeped into his voice but it's still controlled. "Where else has Brooklyn hurt you?"

I look away. My hand starts fiddling with the fringes of my pillow and I stare at that instead. "Sometimes I don't feel anything. Like I'm numb." I say quietly, wishing that he doesn't hear me. I don't think I've ever admitted this out loud before. "And sometimes everything hurts."

I feel him tense beside me. I look at him as I become more determined. "But with you, it all goes away. I don't hurt, but I can feel. Life's better with you."

Some of the tension leaves him and he relaxes into my side, his hand dropping away from my shoulder.

"Please don't go away," I whisper, leaning my head on his shoulder. I can't look at him while I say this. I'm embarrassed and afraid he'll say no and then leave me here. "Even when you go back to school, don't leave me."

I hadn't realized how completely dependent on him I am. If he leaves, I think my world which was once so messily pieced together, will crumple completely. A part of my mind revolts at this idea, demanding that I be able to support myself, even if I have to return to whom I once was.

"I'm not going anywhere." Kai says finally and I feel my heart squeeze at his words. I lean back to look at him.

The world is silent, the movie having long ago ended. It's dark in the fort, the only source of light dulled by the sheets. But I can see him. I can see the angles of his face are sharp but softened by the smooth paleness of his skin. His dark eyes hide his entire world from everyone, hinting at an intelligence few will ever understand; the straight line of his nose; the curve of his lips, usually set in a serious stroke but sometimes tipped up in a smirk. After two weeks with him, I know he had well-developed muscles hidden under his clothes, probably the side effects of a rigorous workout. I know his hands were strong and capable.

I knew he had an intense dislike for his grandfather and hated talking about his parents to most. I know he comes from money, but uses it wisely. I know he doesn't judge based on appearances, but on competence and skill.

I know Kai.

I wonder if he knows me just as well.

Now, though, it really doesn't matter. Nothing matters but where we are and who I am when I'm with him. I'm brave and strong and smart. I'm Hilary, not The Listener. And since I'm Hilary, who is strong and brave, I lean forward a little bit more.

I kiss Kai.

He's stocked still at first, and I panic. I've never kissed anyone before. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just sitting there with my lips pressed to his.

And then he moves. He slightly tilts his head, getting a better angle, and adds a bit of pressure. I follow his lead, just happy that he didn't immediately pull back and wipe his hand across his lips.

I feel his hand cup the back of my neck and he drags me closer to him. He nips at my bottom lip and I sigh.

I don't know if he's just had a lot of practice or if it's natural talent, but he's really good at this.

My hands are flat against his chest and I can feel his heart beating. They scrunch his shirt when I feel his tongue sweep across my lips.

Kai.

I don't know if I said it out loud or something, but he pulls back. I try to follow him, but his hand around my neck holds me in place.

I open my eyes and see him. His lips are open, a deeper red than before, and his eyes are wild. Not as wild as his hair though, which wasn't like that before and I briefly try to remember when my hands had a chance to wander up there.

"I'm sorry," I say, because he's still looking at me. "It was an impulse."

Maybe he didn't want to kiss me and he just got caught up in the moment, and now he's thinking he's never going to talk to me again.

Crap. I've just ruined the best relationship I've had in years simply because I couldn't keep my face to myself.

"It wasn't your fault. I probably would have if you didn't."

My eyes flick back up to his. Did he just…

I smile and lean back on his shoulder, trying to hide my blush. I can't believe he just…said that. I can't keep the stupid smile off my face.

I can feel him chuckle beneath me. It's deep and pulsates through my whole body. When I breathe in, I'm surround by his smell. It's a clean and yet musky scent.

I'm definitely in too deep.

But the smile stays even as I fall asleep against him.

I wake up to a hum. A deep vibration that's smooth. I'm warm and comfortable and I nuzzle into my pillow.

Of course, then I remember that it's not really a pillow.

I'm nuzzling into Kai's neck.

As soon as the thought penetrates the deepest part of my brain, I'm no longer asleep. I sit up quickly and stare down. Kai's looking at me through hooded eyes. As sleepy as he seems, there's something playful lurking in the depths.

"Good morning," he says and if it's possible, his voice is even deeper than it usually is, weighed down with grogginess. I feel myself blush, remembering last night and what I was doing just moments ago.

Good morning, indeed.

"Hey." My voice isn't nearly as attractive. It's high pitched and squeaky. I look around and find that our fort is still standing and there's light streaming in through the windows. Though I have no idea what time it is, I ask, "Want breakfast?"

I honestly hadn't expected for Kai to spend the night, so I'm not even sure we have stuff for breakfast. I know we have cereal, but that's about the extent of my breakfast foods.

He clears his throat. "Let's go out to breakfast, my treat."

I wonder what this could mean. Is he thanking me for inviting him over? For the kiss? Are we starting a relationship? Is this our first…date?

Too many questions. Too many variables.

"You don't have to do that." I wave my hand as if to brush off his offer. He's already crawling out of the fort and doesn't seem to hear me.

"Kai," I call after him and start to follow. "Hey, really. It's okay. We can just have breakfast here."

"It's Sunday morning," he replies. He finds his coat lying across a chair. "I always go to this one place on Sunday morning. I want to take you."

Once he's finished gathering his stuff he looks at me. He slept in the same position that I did. His clothes are wrinkled and his hair is sticking up in every which direction but, damn, he looks good.

I find myself in a mirror and almost believe it's going to crack.

"Okay," I hear myself agree, "Just let me change first."

He nods and I quickly make my way upstairs. I threw most of my clothes around the room last night in an attempt to find something to wear, but this time it's simple. I pick up a pair of jeans and a plain tee, and hope its good enough. I fix my hair into a quick ponytail and brush my teeth in less than ten seconds.

I jog down the stairs and find him waiting in the exact same spot. When he spots me, he points to the living room. "Are we taking care of that?"

I take in the sheets and sigh. I should do it now, and had this been a month ago, it would have been done already. But I'm hungry and I'm sure Kai is too, so I wave it off.

"I'll take care of it when I get back,"

He lifts an eyebrow. "You sure? It wouldn't be a problem."

"Yes, I'm sure," I push him towards the door. "Now show me to this magical place of food. I'm starving."

He shrugs his shoulders, but lets it go. As we get outside, I turn to lock my door and then start towards my car in the driveway.

"I drove last night," I hear Kai mention. I look over and he's standing on the sidewalk. Taking a quick glance up and down the street, I don't see anything. I turn my questioning gaze back to him.

"I parked a couple of streets down, that way…"

I wait for him to continue, but the answer occurs to me quickly. In case Brooklyn showed up. If he even drove by and saw a car in front, I'm pretty sure last night wouldn't have ended with a kiss.

"Oh," I say. "Good thinking."

He nods his head toward the end of the block, asking me to follow him. I walk down the rest of the way and match his pace.

"You know, I've never seen your car."

"It's nothing great. Just a way from point A to point B."

His car is sitting in the parking lot of an all night diner that's just outside my neighborhood. It was a small walk from my house but far enough that no one would immediately assume anything by it. I'm kind of flattered that he'd even think of it.

The car is a solid black with dark tinted windows and it only has two doors. When he opens the door for me, I notice that the interior is more of a charcoal gray than a black, but it still blends nicely. It's clean too, like he never really uses it at all. Because of the tint, it's dark on the inside and when he gets behind the wheel, I can see how much he fits there. It's not like when he's driving my car. This car looks as if it was created for him specifically.

It probably was. Nothing great, he said. What a joke.

When he turns the car on, the radio comes on with it. It's a band with a male singer, but the song is softer than what I would have imagined him listening to.

I stay quiet, just listening to the music playing and the low purr of his car, which drives much smoother than mine does. It's almost like we're flying, or just gliding along the road.

I blink and look around in confusion when we start making familiar turns.

"Hey," I say, sitting up straighter. "I thought we were getting something to eat."

"We are," he replies, pulling to a stop.

In front of his house.

"I just need to get something first," he continues, unbuckling his seat belt. I don't know if I should wait here for him or if I should follow him into the large mansion.

"Come in." He answers my confusion, "It could take more than a minute."

I nod mutely as a feeling of apprehension starts to build. The house doesn't just look scary, it seems to give off this vibe of doom. I almost feel the same standing here as I do standing in front of Brooklyn.

Kai leads the way to the front double doors and opens one. It reveals a grand foyer with ceilings higher than I could imagine. Next to the front doors is a small table with a picture hanging above it. I can't tell for sure, but it looks to be painted. The picture features an older man and a younger Kai. I assume the older man is his grandfather and I remember Kai saying his grandfather was scarier than he looked…

I really hope that's not true, because the man in the picture frightens me.

"Hilary," I jump and turn my head towards Kai. He's leaning around a corner at the end of the foyer. "This way. You don't want to be caught out here alone."

I nod and follow him again. He leads me up two flights of stairs very quickly and down a hall. In one of the rooms and I can see three girls in uniforms cleaning.

"You've got maids?" I whisper to him.

He shrugs, like it's unimportant. "Someone's got to clean the place,"

How much cleaning can a house with two people need? I can't see Kai ever being messy.

He finally stops in front of another pair of double doors and pulls out a key. Once open, I realize this is his room.

"Hang out in here," he says once I've stepped inside. "I should only be five minutes."

"You're not staying?" I ask, alarmed. I don't want to be alone in his room.

"Five minutes." He repeats and then shuts the door. I just stare after him and raise my eye brows when I hear the lock click in place. Paranoid much?

Well, I guess I can understand where he's coming from.

I glance around the room, unsure of what to do. It's incredibly neat, everything in it's place. There's a bathroom off to the side, a desk, dresser, walk-in closet, king size bed, TV, two floor-to-ceiling bookcases completely full.

Basically everything one would need if they never wanted to leave their room.

I walk over to the bookcase, figuring that would be a safe place to start. The books are out in the open, so he can't get mad if I look at them.

Kai must love to read, a thing I never knew. I knew he read sometimes, having seen him with books when I'm late, but the number of the books here states love rather than a passive interest. The books vary from time published, to topic, to even language. Some are classic literature while others deal with economics.

In my browsing, I come across one whose title isn't written on the border. I slowly ease it out of its place. It's only a small book when compared to some of the others in his possession. The front cover doesn't have the title either, and I furrow my brows in confusion.

I flip the book open and almost drop it. It's not a book at all; it's a photo album. The first picture is of a man, a woman, and a baby.

The man has Kai's hair, but the woman and the baby share the same eyes.

Kai has his mother's eyes. I love that.

The family is beautiful together, and you can tell they were happy.

I continue to flip and most of the pictures are from the time Kai was a baby to when he was about four. I stop at one picture and almost laugh.

Kai and (I'm shocked) Tala are maybe two and playing with paint. Tala has red paint smeared all around his chest and Kai has two sets of blue triangles on his face. They're both looking at the camera like they can't figure out what's so funny. Sitting between them is a baby laying on their stomach smiling. The baby clearly younger than the two, maybe almost a year and has reddish hair pulled into small pigtails.

"What are you looking at?"

Kai's voice comes from directly over my shoulder and I can feel his breath on my neck. I drop the book and turn around.

"Don't do that!" I tell him seriously. "Don't sneak up on me."

He ignores me and bends down to get the book. "Interesting."

"Why?"

"Because I've had this album in here for years and you're the first to find it."

I don't know what to say to that, but I give a small smile.

"You looked cute with the face paint." I finally come up with and immediately want to smack myself on the forehead for the stupidity of it.

He smirks, places the book back on the case and grabs my hand. "Let's get out of here."

We follow the same path down and are almost to the front door when we hear it.

"Kai!"

We both stop and look up. The man from the picture is standing there on a balcony, staring down at us. I want to shrink away and never return. He leaves our sight for a moment, but I can hear him coming down the stairs. Kai's hand tightens around mine for a moment before letting go. I give him a sharp look, but he's looking straight ahead. The man reappears and comes to stand before us.

"Where were you last night?" He doesn't look angry or sound angry. But it's there. It's in the undercurrent of his movements, in the words he chooses, in the way he says them. It's in the monster lurking behind his eyes.

"I was out," Kai replies simply. The man levels his stare onto me and I want to shrink even more.

"I see that." He turns his gaze back to Kai. "You've been out a lot lately. I hope you haven't forgotten your responsibilities or commitments."

"I haven't forgotten anything."

"Not even your promises?"

Kai doesn't respond. Kai's grandfather pulls out a folder from behind his back. Opening the folder, he pulls out a paper. Turning to show us, it reveals Kai and Tala sitting on a bench. He shows us another picture: Kai and Tala getting into the same car — Kai's car. Another picture, Kai and Tala.

I can feel Kai tense next to me.

His grandfather puts the folder away. "I thought you promised me you wouldn't be seeing that waste of a human being anymore."

I recoil at his words. Tala may be many things, but he was not a waste of anything. Maybe he was rough and a bit aggressive, but he was good. I, of all people, know that much.

"No, you told me I wasn't going to see him and I said nothing," Kai replies. "That's not agreeing to something."

His grandfather smirks and I almost gasp at how similar Kai's can be. It doesn't seem at all right.

"Well, at least you know that," he mutters. His eyes shift back to me. "And you know the rules, Kai. If you want to have one of your girlfriends over, fine, but they leave at night. We don't need any of the neighbors to see your sluts all over the place."

"Hilary is not a slut. And she's not my girlfriend."

I'm flattered…and hurt. Interesting.

"Well, whatever she is, stop running around with her. You know she's only using you for your money." He turns back to me. "I know you believe you love him or whatever it is you kids think, but you don't. You love his money and the things he can buy for you. But you know what? He's not going to buy anything for you, because this isn't real. Love isn't real and you are only temporary to him. Kai is going on to bigger things and they don't include you."

He says it all with a smile, like he's doing me a favor.

"And by the way, Kai," he says as he turns to walk away, "Queen has being calling for you. I expect you to return her calls as soon as you're finished with this one. Make it quick."

I'm left speechless as Kai pulls me out to his car.

Tala and Kai are talking again. I guess I feel it's a good thing for them to rekindle their friendship.

Kai has sluts, and apparently enough for his grandfather to care about how he handles them.

Kai has a girl calling him, one his grandfather wants him to call back. A girl named "Queen" which could only mean she comes from a high-class family, one that would surely fit in Kai's world much better than I ever could.

And suddenly, our kiss doesn't seem so special.

* * *

Lots of big moments in this chapter! Tell me what you think. Did anything feel forced...or creepy? What do you think is going to happen next? Good news is that this chapter is about three thousand words longer than the previous longest chapter, and the next chapters will be just as long. Yay.

Thank you for waiting, reading, and reviewing!

Oh, and I know it might not interest you really, but I've seen on some of profiles recently that some people don't review a lot of the time because they're not sure of what to say. In my profile, I've posted a sort of review guide...not something you have to follow exactly, but more of a review formula, if you will. It's how to make a review sandwich! I love a good sandwich. So, check that out if you'd like. Pass it around, whatever.

Thanks!


	10. You Seldom Listen to Me

_You seldom listen to me, and when you do, you don't hear, and when you do hear you hear wrong, and even when you hear right you change it so fast that it's never the same._

Kai has to drag me from the house before I realize what's going on. We're in his car and he's reversing out of the driveway before I feel like I can breathe again.

"You should probably just take me home," I say, looking out the window.

Kai has a girlfriend.

I kissed Kai last night.

I thought I was so special.

Kai has a girlfriend.

I am so stupid!

What kind of name is Queen anyway?

From the corner of my eye, I can see Kai shoot me a disbelieving look. "Why?" He grounds out harshly. "If it's my grandfather, ignore him. He means nothing."

"It's not about your grandfather," I lie, partly. "It's about the fact that my house is trashed and I need to take care of it."

"We'll have breakfast and then when I drop you off I'll help you. Your mom's not coming back until Tuesday anyway."

I try to give him a kind smile_._ I'm sure it comes out as a grimace. "You don't have to do that. I can take care of it. The fort was my idea anyway."

Kai pulls off the road and parks by the curb. I know now that this is what he does when he wants to talk seriously. It's strangely responsible of him and I can't help but respect him for it.

He turns to face me. His stare is piercing and intense. He doesn't say anything and the silence makes me squirm uncomfortably. It's not like a Brooklyn-type silence, where I wonder what he's going to do, but a silence that makes me think I've hurt Kai's feelings.

"It's really no big deal," I mutter, looking away from him.

He still doesn't say anything.

Finally, I can't take it anymore. "Who's Queen?"

He sighs loudly. "Is that what this is about? She_'s_ not important."

"She doesn't seem like nothing to your grandfather." I respond.

He nods once. "My grandfather and her parents want us toget married in a few years."

My head snaps to him and I stare in shock. Two seconds ago, he said she wasn't important and now he's telling me that she's his future wife? What do you have to be for him to consider you important?

Am I important?

"Married." I scoff. "Kai…I-" I break off, unable to think of anything to say.

"She's important to him, but I don't care about her," he continues, probably reading my mind like he always does.

I turn his silent stare back on him. I don't know where his power comes from, but I'm hoping I've somehow picked it up. He doesn't seem affected much, still I hold on strong.

"She's not my girlfriend," he says. It's more like he got bored and told me_, _ratherthan I forced it out of him, but I'll take what I can get. "She never will be anything more to me than what she already is. I promise you that."

There's something weird in what he says. "What is she to you now?"

This time he looks away from me, like he doesn't want to tell me. "Kai?" I push. He still doesn't reply.

I groan. "You can't do this!" I shout at him. I think I've surprised him by my volume, because he leans away from me while watching me cautiously. "I thought you said you hated liars. You can't keep secrets like this."

He laughs darkly. "What about the secrets you keep? You can keep your past to yourself, but mine is supposed to be an open book?"

I snap my mouth shut, my mind screeching to a stop when he makes his point. To me, they are completely different situations, but he doesn't know thatand I can't explain it.

"Queen is not my girlfriend now. She will not be my wife in the future. You don't need to know more."

I slump in my seat and cross my arms. I don't like Kai when he's upset. When he's upset, there's a darkness in him. It's not like Brooklyn's darkness, but it's not unlike it either. It's Kai's specific darkness, and it scares me a little.

"Can we eat? I'm hungry." His voice is lighter, gentler. I glance at him from the corner of my eye and the darkness is gone. I nod my head once, still not trusting my voice.

We drive for a while, far out of town to an area that I've never been to. As we turn corners and drive down narrow streets, I wonder how Kai found this place to begin with. We pull in to a small parking lot with a few cars in it. Kai's car stands out as new and shiny while the others are all older and dinged. I shuffle along after him, aware of his confidence. Kai holds the door open for me and when we both enter an older waitress smiles brightly in our direction.

"Kai," she says, "You're late this morning! How have you been?"

"Good," he answers, giving her a small smirk. The waitress seems to have expected his short response and turns her gaze to me.

"Who's this?" She gives Kai a sly smile and winks. "Got yourself a girl, Kai? Well, I'm hurt – you knew I was available."

I am shocked by her words. I immediately want to deny that I am his girlfriend. One kiss doesn't make me his girlfriend.

Does it?

No. Not after this whole Queen mess.

Instead of answering, or more importantly denying, her remark, Kai leads us to a booth in the back. I slide in and take a deep breath before taking in my surroundings.

There is no theme, unless the theme is "Let's see how much junk we can fit into this space before causing a fire hazard".

"Don't mind her," Kai says, drawing my attention back to him. "She's a bit odd."

A bit?

"If she's 'a bit odd' then I'm only a bit frightened of your grandfather." I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Kai smirks again, like he approves of my comment.

In the silence that follows, I grow nervous. I start playing with my silverware and making noises. Briefly, I wonder when I stopped being able to handle the silence in the presence of another person. "Do we get menus?" I ask Kai, looking around at the other customers.

"She knows what's good. Don't worry, you'll be happy. Trust me."

His words make my nerves relax and I'm able to breathe easier. The fight in the car must have really messed with me, and in the back of my mind, I can still hear myself questioning everything he said. Kai has a way of shifting my focus when I'm upset. He's very subtle at it, but he's gotten away with a lot.

"Do you come here a lot?" I ask him.

He nods. "Every weekend. My mom knew the owner."

Oh. His mom. The smiling woman from the photograph flashes and I remember her warm eyes. Kai's eyes are the same color and shape, but Kai's eyes are harder and always shifting.

Kai always seems to be planning and preparing for something.

From somewhere in the restaurant, I hear a deep but familiar laugh. I look around and find Tala sitting in another corner. He's not with anyone from his normal group but with a girl. She's facing away from me so I can't see her face. I don't know why, but it seems weird that Tala would have a life away from his friends. I mean, he's Tala. I only know what he's let me know, but…

Oh my god. Tala has a girlfriend.

That's just weird.

"Kai," I whisper, ducking my head so that Tala won't see me. Kai gives me a look that asks if I am experiencing a mental breakdown. "Tala's over there with a girl."

Kai goes to turn his head, but I stop him by giving him a kick. He turns back to me with shock. I didn't kick him hard enough to hurt him, so I think it's mostly my behavior that he's reacting to. "Don't look, idiot. He'll see you."

He rubs his temples. "And you call me an idiot?"

I want to respond, but I'm too busy trying to make myself invisible to bother thinking of something to say.

"If you keep acting like that, he's going to look over here."

After hearing his comment, I try to calm down and relax. I look at Kai, who has propped his head up on his hand and is glancing around the room. He looks bored, but I know that he's not. Kai always surveys his surroundings before relaxing. I first noticed him doing it at lunch. I started watching for it and realized he does it whenever he enters a room. It's almost as if he's waiting for someone to jump out at him.

It's kind of cute.

"You know, I'm happy for you," I say. His eyes glide towards me, and there's a question in them. He arches his eyebrow. "You and Tala reconnecting, I think it's great."

He studies me for a second before shrugging. "I guess. It clearly doesn't impress my grandfather."

I don't like talking about that man, so I ignore that. "If you want to go say hi to Tala, I won't mind. I'll wait here if you want."

Kai chuckles. "No. You're better to look at."

I look down and start fiddling with my silverware. "Oh, okay."

Our plates are set down in front of us and I mutter a thank you before digging in. Kai was right, as usual, and it's delicious. As we continue eating, I find myself watching him. After a while, he looks up and matches my stare. His is, as always, more intense and makes me want to squirm. I look down without saying anything.

After finishing breakfast, he takes me back home, parking in the same lot so that we have to walk. We spend the rest of the afternoon putting my house back together and chatting lightly. We avoid any subject that has ever brought forward a negative reaction such as his grandfather or my secrets. Though, as we're cleaning I can't help but realize how little I know about him. I've talked to him more than anyone, but I don't really know him. I know little things, basic facts, but nothing that makes up the real him. It's a change from last night, when I thought I knew a lot about him.

But he knows things about me. He knows what makes me nervous, knows about my father, my mother, Ming-Ming and Brooklyn. Kai knows more about me than anyone else right now. The only thing he doesn'tknow is what really happened that night. Even with that, however, he's slowly wearing my walls down. I know one day I'll end up spilling everything. It's what I've wanted since the beginning of it all. Perhaps that will be the end of us.

As he's getting ready to say goodbye, putting on his light coat and heading towards the door, I speak. "What's going to happen when you go back to your school?"

Kai pauses. "What do you mean?"

"With us?"

Because, you know, we kissed last night and now you have a not-girlfriend/future wife and I have no idea what's going on with you because you don't really talk.

He shrugs, as if he hasn't put as much thought into it as I have. This hurts, because it feels like he doesn't care. "Nothing will change," he says finally.

I feel my heart drop and my face scrunches. "What does that mean?"

"It means what it means."

That doesn't answer any of my questions. It only leaves me with more. Nothing will change? But what if I want things to change?

I sigh. It's all confusing. The more I'm with him, the more I feel like I'm missing something. I used to think it was Kai who didn't understand what he was getting into, but now I believe I'm the one who has no idea what's happening.

"Okay," I say, and give a small smile. He seems to debate something briefly before reaching over, cupping my cheek and giving me a small kiss—barely a touch of the lips. He's out the door and down the walk before I can say anything.

I feel my face heat up and I know I'm blushing. I can only be happy my mother isn't here to see me.

I don't hear from Kai the next day, but it doesn't worry me too much. I've got homework to complete and my mom comes home early. She mentions that it feels like something's different with the living room, but she can't place it. I shrug and return to my room. It's never mentioned again.

Tuesday morning, Brooklyn is holding court at a table by the wall. The crowd around him is loud and happy. Tala and his group are under their tree. Usually other students keep their distance like there's a force field around them. This time it's the glare on Tala's face that keeps them back. Kai isn't with them, but I didn't expect him to be. I don't know where he hangs out in the mornings, but I don't waste time looking. I head directly to my locker, keeping my head down. Without Kai as the buffer, I'll be back to The Listener.

I pull out a book to bury myself in as I wait for class to begin. Even though I'm not really reading, I jump when a book bag drops down next to me with a bang and Julia slumps down with a sigh.

"I never realized what we looked like over there," she comments, her nose pulled up in disgust. I follow her line of sight and find her looking over at Brooklyn's table where he sits on top of a low wall with his girlfriend on one side and everyone else sitting or standing on the ground around them.

"They look like they're worshipping him," she finishes. She looks to me. "Did we always look like that?"

"You certainly admired him a lot."

Julia shudders. "I can't believe I was sucked in like that. Standing back now, they all look stupid."

"Just blinded by his light." I reply. I glance at her, observing her profile. "What's with the sudden realization?"

She laughs lightly as her eyes leave Brooklyn and his group. "I've been taking your advice. I met some new friends—well, one new friend, really. But I like him a lot. He's made me think about some things too."

I nod and give her a small smile. "I'm glad." Then my smile shifts into a smirk, like I'm trying to copy Kai. "Is there a little more than friendship there? Sounds like there is."

She blushes lightly, trying to hide it. "Maybe. It's hard to tell with him."

Yeah, tell me about it.

Classes start and I wave to Julia as she heads off. It's easier to focus in class for some reason. When passing back papers, one of my teachers even compliments me. Unfortunately, this is the class I share with Brooklyn and he over heard her. When the note lands on my table, I freeze. I feel my heart beat faster and the fear fires up.

But then, I take a deep breath and open it.

Brooklyn drew a happy face and wrote good job. I'm proud of you.

When I look over at him, he gives me a smile and a thumbs up.

What the…hell?

I give a thumbs up back so that he doesn't get mad, but I'm seriously confused.

Brooklyn doesn't say anything else, and when the class releases he ignores me and leaves the room. It's not like I'm going to chase him down and ask what's going on, so I stuff the note in the trash and try to forget it happened.

I sit at my usual table for lunch. The first thing I do is look for Kai. He's absent from the room and I feel let down. With Brooklyn here, lunch is the only time I really get to see him until after school at the warehouse.

I try not to let the sadness show too much, but then Julia joins me and she takes one look and asks me what's wrong.

"Nothing," I say shortly as I take a bite of my food. She looks around the room, and then nods.

"Oh, he's not here. I get it."

She's a lot smarter than she lets on.

"How's Raul?" A part of me is stung that Kai's not here and lashes out at her, hoping that being reminded of her perversion will hurt her. I regret it immediately after I say it, but she just shrugs it off.

"He's fine. Nothing new there."

"How's…you know…that problem you were worrying about."

"Honestly," she says as she looks at me, "I don't know if it's because of this guy or not, but I haven't thought about Raul in that way once since meeting him. It's kind of refreshing, not feeling bad all the time."

I wouldn't know anything about that.

"That's good." I say, and start picking at my lunch.

Julia continues, "I started to wonder if I should tell him that I once thought that way about my brother. Because that's _big_—" she looks at me, her green eyes huge and bright "—but I worry that he'll be disgusted with me and it'll all be over."

That I do know something about.

I never thought that Julia and I could have anything in common, but here we are wondering the exact same thing.

The only problem is that I know the answer.

"Relationships don't really do well when secrets are kept."

Her eyes widen even more and she looks scared. Even more scared than when she first told me about Raul. She nods and then looks away. For a moment, I think she's going to leave me but then she turns back.

"Did you do well on that test in math?"

I'm not sure where her question came from, but I answer. "I did all right. I didn't have as much time to study as I usually do, but it didn't hurt me that much."

She shrugs. "I'm good at math, but some of those questions were really hard."

And just like that, we're talking. Not her talking and I'm listening, wishing to be anywhere else, but both of use exchanging information that is important and at the same time unimportant.

I think I might be making a friend.

By the time class ends, I have decided that I have to tell Kai everything…eventually. I will do it slowly. My hope is that by telling him secrets little by little, the big one will be easier. And that it will give me time to find out some of his.

The familiar sound of gravel crunching under my tires as I pull up to the warehouse is comforting. Kai is the there already, reading again. I pause at the sight of him lying back along the couch, one arm up around his head, playing with his hair, and the other holding up the book. The light from the table lamp throws shadows across his face, highlighting certain angles and shading others.

I smile. Now or never, I guess. This is something I've never said out loud. "I used to have a crush on Brooklyn."

He drops the book against his chest as his dark eyes snap to mine. He didn't hear me coming up the stairs, so I assume his book was good. He doesn't seem to care about it now, though, as it drops to the floor because he sits up to look at me while his brow furrows. "Why?" he asks. 'How' follows closely, but silently.

"Before they started going out, Brooklyn would hang out with me and Ming-Ming all the time. I knew he was there for her company, not mine, but I didn't mind; we all had fun together anyway. We'd go to the movies or just hang out at a park. He was nice then. Then he asked Ming-Ming out and that was fine, because I wasn't surprised by it, but it did sting a bit. My crush slowly faded as time went on."

My crush faded because his darkness grew, but that was another secret for another day.

Kai watches me. My eyes sting with oncoming tears. I hold the water in my eyes as best I can and eventually it goes away. No tears are spilt. But he saw them.

He takes pity on me and ignores them. "I have a plan to ruin my grandfather's company, and him. I'll take it from him and turn it into what he never wanted it to be – everything my father wanted for it."

My plan works, and I feel enthusiastic. This is something new, and I can tell that he doesn't let just anyone know. "Why?" I ask, copying him.

He laughs a little. "It was my father's company before they passed away, but since I was too young to take it, my grandfather took control. It is only suppose to be until I'm old enough, but I know he's not going to give it back—not without a fight. So, I developed a way to take it from him, right out from under him. He'll never know what hit him. Maybe it's heartless of me to leave him with nothing, but I don't care. In fact, I think it's the best part of it all."

I don't know much about Hiwatari Enterprises, but I'm doing research tonight.

"I don't think it's heartless," I say after a moment. My voice is soft. "I think you're protecting yourself. It sounds like he hurt you. Though I do wonder how you can even come up with a plan like that, at your age." I think back to his room, all the business books he had. Maybe it's actually obvious how he did it.

"In my world, you learn to think that way. Thinking behind people's backs, double-crossing, revenge; it's all a part of their daily lives."

He says it all with a whisper in his voice, as if he's in a different place "Is it the world you're going to live in?" I ask him.

His eyes focus back on me. "I used to thirst for it: the cut-throat life of business. And a part of me still does. It's fast moving and requires quick thinking and strategies for everything. It's a challenge; one I have every intention of meeting. In that world, I can become invincible. Nothing will be able to touch me." He pauses, his eyes shifting again. "Now, however, there's another part of me that never wants to be there. That world will leave me alone, like I was before."

_Before you_, I hope me means.

I'm warmed by his answer.

"How was your day?" He asks then, changing the subject.

"Fine," I answer. "I talked to Julia a little bit, and that was…different. I didn't see you." I debated whether or not to tell him about Brooklyn and his weird note, but quickly shut the idea down.

"I was around, but kept my distance," he shrugs, as if that's all there is to it. He looks to the corner. "We still have some games."

It's a general statement, but I see the challenge already starting a fire in his eyes. Kai's competitive and hates losing, as he stated when talking about business, which probably only makes him that much better.

"You're on."

My days go like this for two weeks. At school, I talk to Julia. Occasionally, one of her friends would join us, but they leave quickly. Julia's different than I had expected. She's smarter and funnier. I knew she was always a bit harsh, especially when placed next to her softer brother, but she's not that bad. She's stronger, too.

After school, I meet with Kai. I share a secret and then, sometimes, he does too. Then we both do something. Sometimes we watch TV, or we'll play a game. Other times I do my homework and he reads.

Our secrets are going deeper. I've managed to dance around the outskirts of my secret, and I can tell Kaiis getting annoyed with it. I am too. I wanted to get this out of the way, to see how he'd react but I just can't…say it. Once I share one part of the secret, I know the rest will come pouring out; it's impossible for it not to.

Kai donates to an animal shelter. He never once stopped talking to Tala when his grandfather asked him to. He never even thought of it as an option. He's had a gun fired on him. He got a tattoo when he was fifteen. He wants to travel. And write. And continue what his father started—making the world a better place.

I was his first kiss. I snorted when he told me that, but he insists it's true. He lets me know straight forward that he's had sex before. And a lot of it, from what he implied. He doesn't seem ashamed of it at all, and I wonder how many girls there are? Is one of them Queen?

But, he continues, oblivious to my rising jealously level, his mom and dad were very affectionate with each other, and always taught him that it was something you should only do with a person you truly care about.

I point out they were probably talking about sex as well, and he smirks. I said it too sharply, and now he knows that I am jealous.

"True," he acknowledges, "but sex can be impersonal. Kissing, however, is always personal."

I blush, remembering our first kiss. And our second.

And third, forth, and fifth.

Looking back, I realize our first kiss was sloppy compared to how they are now. Thinking about it still makes me blush though.

These things nobody, or at least very few, know about him. With every secret that he lets go, I feel privileged to know him, much less talk to him as much as I do.

Things changed between us too. After that first night, Kai kissed me. Or I kissed him again. It was light. Testing, but no pressure. Each night after that, they got heaver, longer.

Intense.

Until we ended up here in the warehouse, with me lying back on the couch with one hand in his hair and the other hand spread across his back. His lips tracing down my jaw line to my neck. In the back of my mind, I still doubt that I'm his first kiss ever, but I don't care. Things are good right now, and I am happy. The happiest I've been in a long time.

He lifts off me and I miss his body heat instantly. His face is flush and his eyes are darker than usual, giving me a thrill. I watch as he reaches down and pulls off his shirt. His body strikes me, distracting me from what's happening. The developed muscles of his arms and torso that I somehow always knew were there draw my attention, but then _it_ catches my eye. My hand reaches forward on its own and touches the smooth skin just over his ribcage. It follows it up until it stops under his left shoulder.

"The one I got when I was fifteen," he says quietly. "It's a"—

"Phoenix," I whisper before he can finish. "I know."

The tattoo is all black, oranges, and reds, swirling lines and colors that create the firebird swooping up. Its wings are spread out, taking up a lot of room. It rest_s_ above his heart.

I look at him. "Why?"

He draws back a little. He licks his lips and I realize he's nervous. Kai doesn't fidget. He opens his mouth to say something, but then his phone rings. He looks at me, as if asking my permission. I look away, because I'm not so rude as to think he needs my permission or that I'll be mad if he took the call anyway.

I mean, I don't think we're official or anything. At least, he's never said anything about it. Maybe I'm just another one of the girls. Maybe Queen's out there, wondering why he doesn't call her anymore.

"Excuse me," he says as an afterthought, as he grabs his phone from his jacket and heads out of the room. I hear the stairs rattle as he makes his way down. He's heading outside, so it must be an important call.

I take the privacy to regroup and find my footing. My hands try to smooth out my hair, but I know it's useless. I breathe in and out slowly. I'm getting carried away.

As I begin to pack my books, I hear a rattling on the stairs again. When the door opens, I expect to see Kai but it's not him.

Tala's standing there, and he seems just as shocked to see me.

"Um, hi," I say, adding a little wave.

He glances over me before his eyes move to the floor. I can see the frustration take hold immediately and lean as far away from him as I can.

"Son of a bitch," he slams the door shut. He paces the room once before he looks at me again. "Do you have any idea of what you're doing? How stupid you are?"

I'm confused by his questions. For all that's happened, I've never had Tala's anger aimed at me. As far as I can tell, it shouldn't be.

"You! You just go along in your own fucking world, never caring about who's getting hurt or what may happen. And here he is, just playing along! Has he fucked you yet, Hilary baby? Is that all that matters to you two?"

I stand as he approaches me and try to put distance between us, which is hard because Tala's anger makes him seem taller and he already takes up some space. He's scaring me and I feel cornered. This isn't good.

"I've tried everything, but that doesn't matter does it. Do you even care? No. I'm not playing anymore. I don't even care if you two ride off into the sunset on a white fucking horse, but you will not leave here until you fix what you left broken."

He comes closer to me, kicking the coffee table away. I trip over my own two feet and land on the smaller couch.

He sneers at me. "Are you crying? Seriously, you're crying." I try to shake my head, because I am _not_ crying, but I can't move. He lowers himself until we meet eye to eye. They're a dark, churning mess, black, and colder than I've ever seen. I feel the world close in as I look at him. "You know, I've always wondered why you kept Brooklyn's secret. Did you sleep with him, too? Is that what you do—"

"Tala!"

Tala snaps around. Kai is standing in the doorway, shirtless and glowering. I try to remember the last time I saw Kai angry, and realize I've seen Kai annoyed and possibly frustrated, but I've never seen him livid.

"I asked one thing of you," Tala says without taking a second to think. He raises himself to his full height and towers above Kai. "One thing and this is what you do?"

"It's none of your business, Tala."

"The hell it isn't," Tala says sharply. "You have no idea what's happened. You're taking too much time, and now I see why. I can't put this off any longer; it needs to be done now."

Tala turns his attention back to me but before Tala can move, Kai has moved forward and he is dragging him out of the room, leaving me there in the aftermath.

I hear them cursing each other down the stairs and follow after them. Kai is shoving Tala towards a car I've never seen and then he turns back to me.

"Come on," he says and he takes my arm. It's not a painful grasp but it's forceful. He tows me to my car and opens the driver's door for me. "Go home. I'll go with him."

"What's going on?" I ask. "What was he talking about? What's taking too long?"

"Tala…has plans and ideas."

"That concern me?" There are some pieces that are falling into place and I really hope they aren't true. "That concern me and Brooklyn."

He shakes his head. Not in a denying fashion, but more like he can't deal with it now.

"Please," he whispers, "please just go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Tala shouts something. Kai's eyes beg me to go. So I do. Before I shut the car door, though, he leans down and kisses me softly. "I mean it."

I don't know what he means, but Tala curses again and Kai shuts my door. I drive off, watching Kai watch me.

The next day I don't hear from Kai or the day after that. None of them, not even Bryan, Spencer, or Ian are in school. It's just me and Julia, and even she seems to be sad about something. This doesn't bother me though, because I need the time to think.

The pieces are falling into place, and no matter how much I try to deny it, the picture isn't turning out very good. Tala hates Brooklyn, and he knows what happened that night. Kai has already admitted that he and Tala never stopped being friends, which means Kai probably already knows too. They both want to get rid of Brooklyn, for some reason. I don't have that piece yet.

And their plan: Make Hilary fall for Kai so that she'll reveal the secret.

Or at least that's the best I can come up with.

I think back to Kai talking about his grandfather and the company and I realize Kai is the type of person who will do and say anything to achieve his goal. I remember how he used to question me about Brooklyn. Since I never responded to those, he must have come up with the new plan. Instead of attacking me straight on, he'd come around slowly, make me trust him. And it almost worked. I was so close to telling him everything.

I feel heart-broken. I feel like crying. I feel like giving up. I feel like throwing up.

"What's wrong with you?" Julia says snippily as she pushes food around her plate.

I return her question just as nasty. Her green eyes flash as if I've challenged her, but then they fall again. "I haven't been able to talk to my new friend in a while. He's been…uncommunicative lately. Some family problem or something."

"Same here," I say. Julia looks at me, watching me for a moment.

"Hil?" She whispers. Her head ducks down and she tilts it away from the crowd. I worry that she's about to tell me a secret and that I'm back to being The Listener. "Has Brooklyn ever…threatened you?"

Her words send a chill down my spine and I freeze. Her eyes are glued to my face, watching for my reaction. "Why are you asking? What happened?"

She blinks. "He cornered me in the hall today and—I've never seen him that way before." She shakes her head, likely still shaken from the encounter. "He asked why we've been spending so much time together and if you're seeing anybody. I have a feeling he was asking about, well, you-know-who."

Kai.

"What'd you tell him?"

"I just told him that you helped me with something and that I had met you at a store outside of school. I told him we were friends. And I said that you weren't seeing any one at all."

I nodded. "Next time he does that, you should tell somebody."

"I told you," she points out. I want to laugh.

"Someone with power. Someone who can actually do something."

She looks over at Brooklyn and he's surrounded by his usual group. He doesn't seem very happy, but he's hiding it well. I notice his girlfriend isn't around and assume that's the reason for his being upset. "I don't think that would bother him much," she says. "He gets away with everything."

If only she knew.

I haul myself home after school. I don't bother wondering if I'm going to the warehouse, because I know he won't be there. I don't know what Tala's gotten him mixed up with, but it's keeping him busy and away from me. I wish I knew how much Tala hated me before this. I don't know what I would have done about it, but at least this wouldn't have come as a complete surprise.

My mom is waiting at the dinning room table when I enter the front door. I can see her head bent forward snap up as the door shuts. Sitting next to her is an unopened bottle of wine, as if she just got too tired to open it at the last second. It's weird for her to be home this early and for a moment I forget my problems with Kai and his bizarre friends.

She's not dressed in work clothes and I wonder if she had the day off and forgot to tell me.

"What's going on?" I ask as I drop my bag by the staircase. I don't approach her, choosing to keep my distance. The wrinkles of age are slowly becoming more apparent. She's always looked young for her age, but right now she's never looked older. There's a light in her eyes that I don't recognize, but also a frightened stare.

"Hilary, we need to talk now."

I already don't like her choice of words. She sounds resigned and worried. I don't move from my spot. I don't say anything but I don't run, so she continues.

"Things are going to change around here. There are going to be big changes, and we need to prepare for them. I know I haven't been a mother to you, and I don't expect forgiveness. But I need your help now. We've got to work on this family."

"I'm not following. Why aren't you at work?"

"Because I quit."

I'm still—shocked by her simple answer. "You quit. That's our only source of income! And you had a great position!" I don't know what she does—or did—for a living, but she was good at it, and made a lot of money.

"There are more important things now."

"Like what?"

She closes her eyes and breaths in deeply. Even though I can't see her eyes, I know she's scared. "I'm pregnant."

The words don't make sense. "No, you're not."

"Yes, Hilary. I am."

"No! Because to be pregnant, you have to have sex. And Dad…NO!" I reject the idea as it comes to me.

"Hilary, sometimes people get lonely,"

"Don't talk to me about loneliness! You have no idea! And you…cheated on Dad!"

"Don't talk to me about not having an idea of what it means to be lonely, little girl. Your father was my best friend! He was my husband, a very part of my person! Besides, you can't cheat on the dead. This other man meant nothing. He won't be in our lives."

"Who was he?" I don't know why I want to know, but it seems very important.

"Do you remember Mr. Donohue?"

I snort. Her boss. How cliché. I think of the thin man. He looked nothing like my father, but he was kind. He had two daughters and a wife that doted on him. From the outside, they looked like a happy family. I wondered if she knew her husband was sleeping around. Bastard. Another secret I guess I'll keep.

"And he's not going to be around?"

"He was never planning on leaving his wife and I was never planning on being serious with him. Hilary, it really was just companionship."

"He's never going to help us out with finances or anything? I mean, you just quit your job. He's the head of the company, gets to keep his family intact, and we go off into the darkness with his bastard child?"

She stands from her chair abruptly, sending it flying. "You shut your mouth! I never want to hear that again. This kid may not have a loving father, not like you did, but then it's up to us to show it what love is."

"Do you hear yourself? We don't even know what a family is; much less how to show someone else."

Her shoulders slump and the anger drains from her eyes. "That's why I need you, Hilary. You're the last part of your father, and you're so much like him. I need you to be for this kid everything that he was for you. We have to take care of it."

I feel my world caving; something I always thought Kai was going to cause. I can't be here right now. I can't talk to her. I can't hear that I'm like my father. I'm nothing like him. He was good; I protect a murderer.

"I can't!" I say as I rush back for the door. Nothing is going right. I get in my car and speed away. I start heading for the warehouse almost by instinct. Then I remember no one will be there. I do a sharp turn, nearly colliding with another car. I know he told me to wait for him to contact me, but this can't wait. I need him to comfort me, to hold me, to tell me everything is going to be okay.

I need Kai to listen to me.

I'm flying, going twenty, almost twenty-five over the speed limit. As I pass by the street I know Tala lives on, I see Kai's car parked out front. I curse, realizing that this is going to cause more trouble, but I can't wait for him to be ready. That's what being a friend, or whatever we are, means.

I flip a u-turn, slower now that I know where I'm going and how close he is. I park right behind him and wait for a moment, catching my breath. This is it. I can turn around and find somewhere else to go. I can go back to the park. I can forget Kai even exists and deal with this on my own.

No, I can't. Not anymore.

My door slams shut and I briskly walk to Tala's front door. I'm about to knock—or turn tail and run—when the door opens up. I receive my third shock of the day, gaping at what's in front of me. The girl pauses, taken aback by a person on the other side of the door she was just about to charge through.

After she studies me for a moment a light dawns on her face. "You!" she shouts before dragging me into the house. "You can tell them!"

I'm too stunned to do anything but let her pull me along. This day might be the true cause of my mental break. She pulls me to a sitting room, and in the room are all the people that have been missing for the past couple of days. Tala, Bryan, Spencer, and Ian all sit somewhere on one of the four couches. They look mildly upset about something, save Tala, who looks thoroughly enraged.

And Kai, who looks as blank as ever as he stares out the window.

The girl shoves me towards them. "Tell them," she urges.

Kai drags his gaze to me, and his jaw drops. "Hilary! What are you doing?"

Somehow, I manage to find words. "I needed to talk to you. I saw your car out front."

"Hilary!" The girl next to me jerks my arm. "You need to tell them what Brooklyn's really like!"

I gape, unable to keep the expression to myself.

"Yeah, Hilary baby," Tala mocks from his seat, "Tell us all what Brooklyn's _really_ like."

Kai appears in front of me. He grabs my arm and drags me away. I'm getting a little tired of people doing that, so I rip away from him.

"No. Tell me what's going on."

The girl sighs, as if she's exasperated. "They all think Brooklyn's some sort of control freak boyfriend, but he's not. And you can tell them that. You're Brooklyn's friend, right? He said you were."

Brooklyn told this girl, his girlfriend, the girl I've been seeing him with for a while, that I'm his friend. I look at her seriously for the first time. The red hair; her green eyes; the way her jaw curves into a pointed chin. I look at Tala and wonder why I never saw it before.

"You're Tala's sister?"

"Cousin, but that's not the point." She waves her hand. "Tell them the truth about Brooklyn."

Kai huffs next to me. He tries to grab for my arm again, but I pull away before he can get a hold. The others have all come to stand behind the girl. None of them look happy to be here. Tala looks like he's slightly relieved that this has finally come out, and a little amused at how.

I hate him. He is the third person I hate right now. I hate him more than I hate my mom, but less than I hate Brooklyn.

And right now, Kai's number one.

I feel my body tremble. I'm about to explode.

Tala's cousin. Brooklyn's girlfriend. Possibly his next victim.

I look at her again, finally noticing the cast on her right arm.

Or already his victim.

"Hilary," Kai says gently, reaching to touch my shoulder.

I slap him.

"Don't ever talk to me again."

Before I can make it to the door, Kai clutches my shoulders and holds me back. I struggle, trying to push him away, but he's stronger.

"No!" I shout. "You don't get to make everything better or justify anything!"

"Hilary, just listen!"

"I've listened! I've been listening. I heard you say some of the nicest things I've ever heard! Why should I continue to listen now, when they're all lies?"

"You don't have the full story."

"I don't need it! Believe it or not, I'm smart. I can figure out the rest from here."

"Just stop!" He shouts. His eyes are on fire and he has me backed against the wall. From the corner of my eyes, I can see the rest of them watching us. Tala doesn't look so amused anymore.

"Brooklyn started dating Terra. She wouldn't listen when we told her that he was dangerous. She likes him. We tried to get her away from him. This was a last resort."

"And what is _this_? For you to use me? Make me love you just enough to tell you everything?"

"Love was never in the plan," Tala pipes up. "He was only supposed to listen to you."

"What's going on?" Terra asks. She looks scared, casting a worried glance in our direction.

I stare at Kai. He's watching me intently, as if he's waiting for my reaction to know where to go. That's probably what he's always done. He's good a reading people. He waited for my reaction, clueing him in on what to say and do to gain my trust. Well, not again. Let's see if he can read this reaction.

"Nothing's going on here. There never was."

His shakes his head. "Don't, Hilary."

"You shouldn't have come around." I push his arm away.

I can't talk to my mom. I can't talk to Kai. I think about calling Julia, but that doesn't feel right. As I drive away, going nowhere, the thought of Terra standing there with her arm wrapped in a cast haunts me.

There's only one person I can talk to, I realize. The one person I've avoided more than anyone else since this all began.

* * *

Woah! So a lot happened in this chapter! And a lot as happened since I wrote it.

I went through about five months of writter's block with chapter 11, and since I don't like to post anything until the next chapter is on it's way to zulka for editing, you all have had to suffer for it...and then I was able to sit down one random evening and write out chapter 11 in all of its 13 page glory.

Then my computer crashed. And guess who didn't back anything up! Yep. So I've had to try and rewrite the hardest chapter I've ever had to write for this story. It's still not finished, but it's close enough that I fill comfortable with it and I really don't want t make you guys wait anymore.

So please! Tell me what you think! I'm dying to know what this chapter has brought you to believe!


	11. My Job to Talk

_It's my job to talk and yours to listen, but please, let me know if you finish before I do. — Anonymous_

The night settled and people went about their lives as usual, though I felt the world ending. The lights of the small office reflect my image in the window, and through the reflection, I could see Detective Tanaka shifting files around her desk and making notes. She'd been silent since I walked through the door, reading reports with a critical eye.

My stomach churns and I turn back to the window, working hard to see outside, away from all this. I'm looking for something to sidetrack me from what I'm about to do.

Detective Tanaka was new to town and to the homicide department two years ago when she walked into my life. Her hair was shorter back then, slicked back into a tight ponytail. She wore dark rimmed glasses that made her round face seem harsh. She had a husky voice and a way of talking that grabbed your attention from the first word. The moment her dark eyes, magnified behind the thick glasses, landed on me, I knew I was going to have trouble keeping anything from her. While others focused on cleaning the scene, evidence, and Hiro Granger, Detective Tanaka put all of her focus on me.

I'm not sure how, but I managed to keep from spilling my guts to her. It probably had more to do with the fact that I didn't say a word to anyone at all, ratherthan me being strong enough to resist. I knew if I opened my mouth, just once, it all would come pouring out. Detective Tanaka had that power. Luckily, she wasn't allowed to press me too hard; traumatized, the psychologist said.

After everything ended, Detective Tanaka gave me a hard, knowing look, and handed me her card. "In case you ever feeling like talking," she said.

She never seemed disappointed in me. More like sympathetic. She added to my guilt, because she gave me the option and I rejected it.

"Hilary," she calls. I turn around, looking at her. Her glasses are different, and she looks all around more stern, like she can rip the truth out of someone. "Have a seat."

I take the seat on the other side of her desk. My nerves rake through me, and I touch the metal box on the ground with my foot, reminding myself why I'm here.

I sped home, the revelation of Kai's deception causing me to be careless. My mom was still up and waiting when I charged through the door. I could tell she was about to yell at me, and for a moment I was thankful. Yelling meant she finally cared enough, that she was awake. But I shoved it down. If I focused on her right now, I'd lose my very temporary courage.

Before she could get the words out, though, she saw my face. "What's wrong?" she asked urgently.

"I get it now," I said, "but I need to do something before I can move on."

I didn't stop to explain. Instead, I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time. I didn't go to my room. I thought hiding it there might have been too close; Brooklyn could have found it. I doubted though, that he would go through my mom's room, and I was right.

When I turned the knob and pushed, I was confronted with the smell of her perfume. It lingered in the room like a ghost, my father's smell long gone. I walked to her closet, suddenly feeling out of place, and pushed boxes of shoes aside, going for a metal box hidden in the back. Taped to the underside was Detective Tanaka's card. I pulled out my phone, almost choking when she answered, her no-nonsense voice snapping her name on the other end. But I pushed through, telling her who I was, just my first name, and that I wanted to talk. There was a pause, before she said she'd be waiting for me.

I passed my mom on the way downstairs, the box clanking as it bounced in my hands. She stared at me, but did not prevent me from leaving. It was the best thing she could have done. Somehow, I felt that it proved she trusted me.

"I'll be back," I told her, just so she knew I wasn't leaving for good.

She nodded.

I was so focused when I got outside, that I didn't notice his car until I was reversing from my driveway. The dark vehicle followed me all the way to the station, but he didn't get out to confront me when I stopped. _Probably making sure I'm doing what he wants_, I thought bitterly.

Still, the butterflies in my stomach hoped he was looking out for me; protecting me, like he promised.

Detective Tanaka already had the old files spread out on her desk when I came in. She told me to sit down, but my nerves prevented me from staying seated.

Now, though, she was ready to talk. She stared at me and I stared back.

"So," she says, "are you just here to chitchat?"

I hear cops use humor as a defense.

I have no idea how to respond, so I just shrug.

"Why now?"

I frown. Does it really matter? The point is that I'm doing it at all. "Things have changed."

"What's changed?"

"Brooklyn's dating someone new." The words slipped out before I could stop them. Out of context, those words mean nothing. But here, in this room, they're damning.

Tanaka doesn't say anything in return. She just watches me, and I feel like talking to fill the silence.

It hits me then, why I've always wanted to tell her everything. Why I've had to avoid her all this time. She's a listener. Like me, like my dad. She draws the truth and the secrets from you like a vacuum, pulling out everything. I can't believe I didn't realize it before.

"They rushed the trial," I say next. It's true. "They saw a teacher and a dead student. It was the easiest solution, and everyone wants to put a pedophile behind bars."

She nods. I wait for more from her, but nothing comes.

Finally, the truth comes spilling out. "It wasn't Coach Granger's fault," I say. I can't look at her anymore. "It was Brooklyn. He killed Ming-Ming."

I wish I could be stronger. It's been two years, but I still can't forget all that Brooklyn's said and done. I feel like he's watching, and waiting to find me alone.

"I know." My eyes snap up to Detective Tanaka. "I know he did," she says again. Her voice is soft. It's not filled with pity, but compassion. She understands how hard on me this has been. Or, that's want I want to hear.

Strangely, relief washes over me. She always knew. That's why she pushed me.

"But it's not that easy," she continues, her voice becoming hard again. "It's been a while. And you lied then. You backed up Brooklyn's story. It's going to be hard to turn around now. You will probably not come away clean, either."

I laugh. It's more of a humorless cough. "Does it look like I'm clean now?"

She leans back in her chair. Her office is entirely white, with no personal touches, except for the metal desk and her large, plush red chair. "Start from the beginning," she says, eyeing me critically.

I don't know where the beginning is, so I start from where it all changed for me.

_Sometimes, Ming-Ming calls me at four in the morning, just to talk. She says I say the silliest stuff when I'm half asleep. Honest, but silly. She calls me when she can't sleep, or when her father snapped at her again about her grades or whatever. But she's different when I answer the phone now. Quiet. Subdued. _

"_Hilary?"_

"_Hmm?" I didn't bother turn on the light, so I'm falling back asleep with the phone pressed to my cheek. _

"_I have something major to tell you," she whispers._

"_Hmm? What's it?"_

"_Brooklyn asked me out."_

_It takes a moment, a long drawn out silence between us, before I realize what she said. I sit up straighter, dragging my blankets up with me. "What?"_

"_He did," she says. "Two days ago."_

"_What'd you say?" I ask, even though I feel like I'm going to choke on the words. I don't know why, though. I knew Brooklyn was interested in Ming-Ming, and I knew my crush was just a passing phase._

_After a pause, she says, "I haven't. I didn't know how."_

"_Well," I begin, my mind kicking into listening-gear, "do you like him in that way? Do you think you could be happy with him?"_

_This is what my dad did. He would ask question__**s**__ that the person needed to consider before making a big decision. Usually, by explaining their thoughts to someone else, they were able to conclude what they truly wanted. _

"_Yeah, I do," she said. "And I want to be with him, I just…"_

"_Just what?" It's weird for her to avoid a subject, and I wonder what's making her uncomfortable. _

"_I just don't want things to change between us."_

_I smile. People always assume Ming-Ming is self-centered, but she's not that way at all. She just doesn't take the people she doesn't care about into consideration. _

"_Everything between us will be fine." I think of Brooklyn and Ming-Ming together, and I can see their smiles and hear their laughter. They'll be good for each other. "You should say yes to him."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Of course. He's been after you for a while."_

_I can hear her laugh. "I know. He could have at least played hard to get, you know. But he's adorable, huh?"_

"_Yep. He plays with birds and chipmunks. How could he not be?"_

_We talk a bit longer, before deciding that we need another hour of sleep before school. As I drift off, I think of how things will change. I'll be the third-wheel now. Not that it won't be much different from before, but it'll be so…official. I think of Ming-Ming and how worried she was. _

_I think of my already fading crush on Brooklyn. _

_I think things will be fine. _

"Were things fine?" Detective Tanaka asks, pen ready to continue the notes she began.

I shrug again. "For a while. Brooklyn's a charmer, and as long as things are going his way, he's as charming as can be. A perfect prince."

"And when did things stop going his way?"

I blink, trying to narrow down a date and time. It's impossible. It took me a while to admit to myself that things were never going to stay good between them.

"A lot of people knew that Ming-Ming had a stubborn streak and a temper, but I think people doubted just how strong those traits were."

"Brooklyn doubted."

"Brooklyn…wanted to believe he could control it."

_Months have passed since Ming-Ming started dating Brooklyn, and it took a while, but we found a rhythm. They don't alienate me from their outings, and I understand that they need couple time. It worked for us. _

_Lately, though, it hasn't been. Ming-Ming's been keeping closer to me than usual, and she's been quieter, too. When Brooklyn asks her to do something, she always insists that I come along. I try to back out, and I can tell Brooklyn wants me to, but Ming-Ming's relentless. It's made things awkward between the three of us._

_After a month of this, I finally break. "What's going on?"_

_Brooklyn wanted take her to the movies tonight, but she claimed we had a school project to work on, and I backed her up. Now, though, as we sit watching mindless television, I want to grill her for information._

_Her eyes find mine, and I can see that she wants to tell me, but won't. I freak out, because that's not Ming-Ming. She's a talker. _

"_Ming-Ming!" I say as seriously as I can manage, letting her know that I won't back down from this._

"_I broke up with Brooklyn." She says finally. _

_I pause, trying to process what I heard. "Does he know that?" Because he's not acting like it. _

"_That's the problem. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't let me do anything that he doesn't like. I told him the relationship just wasn't working for me, but it's like he didn't hear a word. He went about business as usual."_

_I can tell she's scared. Scared of him and why he's not acting like a normal person. Like the Brooklyn she liked. _

"_He's controlling?"_

"_Freakishly so! He gets mad if I even look at another guy for too long. The other day, I didn't call him when I got home! He broke into my house and laid into me for it."_

"_You have to tell some one."_

_She glares at me. "And who can I tell? I tell anyone and if my father finds out. He'll pull me out of school and move me to a remote location where the only friend I have is the pet chicken he plans on eating for dinner one day."_

"_Yeah, and the other option is letting Brooklyn continue like this."_

_She shakes her head. "I can handle Brooklyn. I just have to be firm with him. Let him know that I'm not playing around."_

"_He hasn't been taking the hint. What's going to change?"_

_She doesn't say anything for a while, but I haven't changed her mind yet. _

"_Just…" she starts, after a few minutes. "Just don't leave me alone with him."_

"She thought she could handle him." I say again, thinking back to her words.

Detective Tanaka sighs and takes of her glasses, pinching the bridge between her eyes. "A lot of girls think that. It's a problem we try to educate young girls on."

"Does it work?"

She shrugs. "I can't tell. I like to believe it does."

I nod. My leg has started to jiggle from nerves.

"So, Ming-Ming tries to end the relationship with Brooklyn, but he doesn't listen and continues to pursue her."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

I look at her. "I think it's clear that I don't tell other people's secrets," I say scornfully.

She stares back at me. "Yeah, it is. It's also clear that it's a significantly large problem."

I shut up and look away.

"How does Hiro Granger get involved?"

The image of Coach pops into my head, followed by my guilt.

"Coach realized that there was something going on with Ming-Ming after watching her interactions with Brooklyn. He questioned her on it, but she denied everything."

"Why were you at his house the night of the murder?"

"It wasn't his place, and he knew that, but Coach had a way of making students feel comfortable. He was hard, but fair. He told her that she could come to him when she finally felt like asking for help, and on that night, she needed help."

_My phone rings and I put my homework down, happy for the distraction. _

"_Hey, do you know the answer to number 26? I can't figure it out." I ask when I answer. _

"_Hilary," Ming-Ming says, and I immediately focus on the distress in her voice. I know it's Brooklyn._

"_What happened?"_

"_Things are bad, Hil. Really bad." I can hear her breathing heavy and it sounds as if she was walking fast. _

"_Is it Brooklyn?" I ask. When I heard her voice, I jumped from my desk and grabbed my sweater. I head down the stairs, towards my bike. At times like this, I wished I could drive. _

"_Yeah," she whimpered. I hated thinking that, but it's what she did. "He – I don't know. He's crazy."_

"_Where are you?" _

"_I just left the school," she answers. "I'm – I'm heading to Coach's house."_

_Everyone knows where that is. He lives with his brother, Tyson, and we've all seen them playing sports in the front yard. Sometimes, Tyson has the small parties. Everyone knows where Coach lives. Even Brooklyn._

"_I'm on my way," I tell her. "I'll stay on until you get there."_

"_I'm almost there." I hear her pounding on the door. The door swings open and I can hear Coach, sort of muffled. Ming-Ming rambles out an explanation about Brooklyn and something at school. He ushers her in. _

"_Hilary, I'm here," she says. I can hear Coach talking in the background. _

"_I'm almost there." I hang up, and peddle faster. I try to shove it out of my mind, so that I don't crash. _

_My bike lands in the middle of Coach's driveway as I jump from it and race to the door. I pound, not realizing that I'm being loud. The door opens quickly and Coach opens it wide enough for me to enter. I feel weird for a moment, being in a teacher's house without others, but then I see Ming-Ming sitting on the couch nursing a cup of something hot. I go to her, and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She's shaking, but I can tell she hasn't cried yet. _

"_I'm calling your parents and the police."_

_Ming-Ming almost protests, but I shush her. "This is enough Ming-Ming." Her eyes shine at me; I can see a small red mark on the side of her face, hidden behind her dark complexion. "Oh," I say as I gingerly touch her cheek. _

_Before Coach can make the calls, a soft voice echoes throughout the room, making us all jump. "So, this is where you run off to?"_

_Brooklyn appears from the shadows of the hallway. A shot of cold fear runs down spine and through my limbs. I've never seen him so crazy-looking. There's a wild, reckless look in his eyes, and it scares me to think that this is what Ming-Ming has been dealing with. _

_Coach stands between us and him, blocking his view of Ming-Ming. I can tell this pisses him off more. "This is the one?" He asks. _

_He almost sounds like he's in pain. I try not to think too much about what's going on in his mind and instead try to move Ming-Ming closer to the door. My phone is in my back pocket and if Coach can keep him distracted long enough, then I can call the police when we're outside. _

"_Don't move!"_

"_Brooklyn! Stop this, right now!" Coach tells him in a firm voice. "This is not a road you want to go down."_

_Brooklyn sneers at him. "And what would you know? You're fucking her! That's illegal, you know."_

_Ming-Ming huffs, though she keeps her mouth shut. I'm thankful that she understands that now is not the time to argue with him. _

"_That is not what's happening here." Coach replies in his cool "coach" voice. It has an authority to it. _

"_Then why is she in your house!" Brooklyn shouts back. "That's illegal too."_

_I see the light flash off the knife before I realize what it is. _

"Okay," Tanaka says and she rubs her temples. She stopped taking notes a long time ago. It's getting late and I can tell she's tired. The story has invigorated me. My heart is pumping with the memories that pierce me like a bullet. "So, Brooklyn thought that Ming-Ming was sleeping with Hiro Granger."

"Yeah," I say as confirmation. "He was always jealous of the attention she gave to others." I think of how Ming-Ming could light up any room. I think of the energy that practically exuded from her pores. "He was jealous of the attention others gave her."

"And that's when Brooklyn killed Ming-Ming."

"Well, no." I say. It would be pretty weird if Brooklyn some how managed to by-pass me and Coach to kill Ming-Ming. "First he and Coach got into a fight and Brooklyn knocked Coach out with a flower pot."

She nods. "That goes along with his story, and with the wound we found on his head."

_Ming-Ming rips her hand from mine when Coach goes down. Even though it's the stupidest thing to do, she goes and kneels down next to him. I can see Brooklyn staring at her. He's breathing heavy from the scuffle, but his anger blooms again as he watches her whisper to Coach._

_I can see it all happen to quickly, even before it happens. I know, no matter what I do, someone is going to die tonight. There's no way I can get the police here in time. _

_Brooklyn goes to pick up the knife he lost when fighting with Coach, and I dive behind the couch. A coward, my hands shaking as I pull out my phone. I do the only thing I can think of as I hear the first of Ming-Ming's screams. _

_I'm a coward. _

_I should be helping her. _

_I should do something._

_Anything!_

_But I just sit there, crying, as my phone records everything. _

As I finish, Detective Tanaka just stares at me. I try to breath through my nose and realize it's stuffed and my eyes sting from tears. She hands me a tissue box and I try to fix myself up, but I just can't find it in me to care.

I lean down, pick up the metal box, and set it on her desk, facing her. "He found me when he was done. Threatened me and then called the cops. I never let him know I had this, but I always feared he already knew anyway."

She reaches forward and pops the lid. Tucked in my pocket is the key. I used Detective Tanaka's card to hide it. Before I got here though, I unlocked the box. I didn't open it; couldn't bring myself to. I think back to when Bryan cornered me in the classroom. He mentioned that I had a key, and I wondered just how much he knew.

"When the police arrived, he played the distraught boyfriend who had tried to save her from the creepy teacher. All the evidence was weak against the coach, but we were in his house and she was dead. Brooklyn had all the blood on him and had planted fingerprints on the knife." I pause and take a breath, thinking of all that happened that night. "The evidence against the coach was so weak! Why did no one see it!"

Tanaka had opened the box and was staring down at my old phone, the one I said I had lost.

"And this has a recording of Brooklyn murdering Ming-Ming."

"Yes." I say while I sniffle again. "Obviously, it's not a video. Just audio, and it's a bit grainy, but it has him screaming and her screaming and nothing from the coach. It's very clear what had happened."

She looks at me. "It's not completely solid, but it will help. It's enough to reopen the case and get a warrant."

I don't know what to say. Maybe if I'd done this before, when everything had just happened, before Coach had been labeled a child molester and thrown away, this would have been enough. I could have saved him.

But I didn't. A now it might not be enough.

"Is there anyone else who can help with this?"

I look at her, confused by what she's asking. Her dark eyes ground in to me. She's let me have my moment of shame, and there's more to come, but now she wants me to focus.

"Anyone who can back up the picture you're painting of Brooklyn," she clarifies. "Like I said, this will get the ball rolling, but if you're the only one pointing a finger at Brooklyn, what's going to stop him from weaseling his way out again? The system's not perfect."

I'd been alone for so long that I almost tell her there's no one.

But that's not true.

Brooklyn's been slipping lately. Either because he's comfortable, or because he's not as all-knowing as I believed he was, I don't know.

"Julia Fernandez," I say, a bit weakly. My voice starts to crack, and I'm not sure why. "She told me that…he talked to her in the hallway and really scared her."

"Okay," she nods and writes down the name. "Anybody else?"

"Tala knows a lot. I don't know if he's got any proof, but he knows." The names start coming quickly now, and I don't know if I could stop them. "It's his younger cousin that Brooklyn's dating. He broke her arm."

Her eyebrows rise up in surprise. "Ivanov?"

I nod. I had completely forgotten that Tala's family wasa part of high society and he was known around the city, and not just school, for being reckless. I should have realized that Terra was his cousin.

"That will be interesting," Tanaka sighs.

"Have you ever met him?"

She snorts. "Oh, Tala and I are very well acquainted."

"I thought you only worked homicide?"

"And Tala causes a lot of problems," she answers quickly.

I think of Tala's anger. I was scared of what he would do. He looked as if he'd lost control. "Has he ever…?"

She pauses from writing and looks at me. "No," she says softly. "He's never killed anyone. But he knows people who have. And sometimes he has a hard time staying away from trouble." Then she smiles and laughs a little. "You know, I was just thinking the other day that he's been too quiet. Haven't heard from him in a while. I was hoping he found a nice girl to distract him."

I remember seeing Tala with a girl at the restaurant. "Maybe he has," I say.

She nods. "The girl would have to be tough and not take any of his shit. Can't number the times I wanted to slap the boy."

I laugh lightly, imagining Tala getting smart with Detective Tanaka and her taking a shot at his smirk. It'd be interesting to see his reaction.

"Is that all?" She asks, getting back to business in a second.

"Yea-" I start, but then break off. "No. No."

She looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

"Tala set this thing up, to get me to confess to what I knew," I say distantly. Suddenly, my mind is going over everything I've ever said to _him_.

"Looks like it worked, whatever it was."

"He sent this boy to me. He was supposed to get me comfortable enough to talk. And I did. Or he did. Either way, he knows what Tala knows, and a lot of what I know."

She makes a small 'hmm' sound. "I don't know. Unless he's had dealings with Brooklyn himself, then…"

"He has, but not many," I reply. "But if anyone knows how scared I am of Brooklyn, it's him. He's seen firsthand what the fear has done to me. If the fact that I honestly feared for my life comes into question, he can back it up."

"Okay," she nods, "his name."

"Kai Hiwatari."

She doesn't write his name down. "Hiwatari. As in Hiwatari Enterprises."

Tanaka does not sound happy. I shrug, because it's not my fault he got involved.

"I was hoping this wouldn't get big for a while," Tanaka says, rubbing her forehead. "Bringing in both Ivanov and Hiwatari for questioning…"

"Well, that's about it." I say after a moment. I'm not sure if there's more to tell her, but I can't think of anything right now. I'm exhausted, my nerves having drained me of any energy.

"Okay, do you need an escort home?"

I shake my head. "I drove here. I'm okay enough to drive back."

She nods. "I'll still have a cruiser drive pass your house every hour or so, just to be safe."

I shrug again. Honestly, now that I've told someone, Brooklyn coming after me would only hurt him more.

I stand to leave. My legs are shaking and I briefly wonder if I really am well enough to drive home. I walk towards the door before I can say anything.

"Hilary," Detective Tanaka says as I put my hand on the doorknob, "thank you."

I can't turn back to her, so I nod my head instead and walk out the door. I'm quick to get to my car and even quicker to drive away. The streets are dead, and I notice, finally, that it's well pass two in the morning.

When I walk through home's front door, my mom is still awake. Still waiting for me. She's sitting on the couch, just waiting there. Not sleep or dozing off or watching TV. Again, I'm touched by her actions. She's finally woken up and noticed me.

"Hey," I say. My voice is quiet and cracking. "You didn't have to wait up."

"Yes, I did," she replies. "You were so…determined earlier. I saw that look in your eyes. I know something's wrong."

"Yeah," I agree. "A lot's been wrong for a while. I was just making things right for once."

She gives me a small smile. "Seems like it's going around. You want to tell me about it."

I go sit next to her on the couch and I'm amazed by how long it's been, but how familiar it still is. I've missed her, I realize as my heart squeezes with a mixture of sadness and joy.

"It was about Ming-Ming," I say, "and the night she died. What really happened then."

She doesn't push me, and I don't tell her everything. I break down in tears, because with her I can. She holds me and rocks me. She blames herself, because she knew there was something wrong.

"I was just too numb to do anything," she whispers. "I couldn't help you if I couldn't help myself. I just kept saying you'd come out of it. I should have done something."

I won't tell her that it's okay. If she'd been there to support me, to promise me I'd be okay and that she would never let anything hurt me, I might have been stronger.

But that's over with. I've told my story. I've done what I could. We've both woken up and now we can finally move on.

I excuse myself and head upstairs to my room. I'm too tired to bother with anything anymore tonight.

I'm not at all surprised though, to find Kai sitting at my desk when I walk through the door. I'm too drained to raise the anger I know I should feel—the anger I want to feel. I look at him, and he silently looks back. There's a swell of emotions in his eyes, but his face is blank.

"You've got to stop breaking in," I say as I go to lie on my bed. "It's a bad habit."

"One of many," he replies quietly.

"Worst of all, lying."

"Hilary." His voice is low and strained.

"What?" I ask. I never turned on the light. The light from my window cast shadows around my room, and from my position on the bed, I almost can't see him clearly. "Don't I have a reason to be upset?" I don't sound upset, though. Just tired.

"Yes, but you have to understand,"

I cut him off. "No. I don't. I don't have to understand why or how you could lie to me so well. I mean, I guess I could understand if it were just a job to you. But you tell me everything that happened between us was real."

"It was, Hilary,"

"Then I can't understand. I can't understand why, after you developed _'feelings' _you could still treat me like I was nothing to you."

"Is that what you think I did?"

I shake my head. He's not listening to me. "I don't want to do this now. Please, Kai. Please."

"Okay," he says, but he doesn't make any motion to leave. Just like I can't bring myself to be angry right now, I can't bring myself to care. I snuggle into my pillow, and though I don't feel like I'll be able to sleep, I fade away quickly.

* * *

This is probably the hardest chapter I've ever posted for any story, so all I'm going to say is thank you for reading and, please, judge away.

Konix


	12. Duty of Love

"_The first duty of love is to listen." – Paul Tillich_

The screech of tape stretching along the middle of the large cardboard box, sealing it shut, echoes in my newly emptied room. Few things are still here, mainly my desk, large bookcase, and bed frame. The movers will get those.

Mom knocks on my open door, leaning in. She looks brighter now. I was worried the stress from everything would be harmful to the baby. I'm still trying to adjust to the idea of being a sister. It feels weird; wrong almost. But this is how she wants to handle the situation, and I wouldn't try to persuade her any other way.

"You ready?"

I look around the room. I spent the last six years of my life in this room. How could it be cleanly packed away into a few large boxes? At seventeen, is that all I have to show?

"Yes,"

She walks into the room. Her eyes never leave me, and I can't understand what she's thinking. She's been looking at me like this a lot lately. I would often catch her out of the corner of my eye, just staring at me.

"I'm," she starts and then stops to take a breath. "You are so much like your father, you know. Quite, intuitive but resilient. I'm so proud of what you've done."

I've heard this before, from different people. "You shouldn't say that," I tell her, shaking my head. "I should have—"

"None of that matters," she interrupts me. "Because you did do something. Nobody can understand your situation. No one can tell you how you should have handled it or what you did wrong. You did what you could."

She stops there, but I can hear the unsaid words. Words we haven't spoken for two months, since this all started to unravel.

I woke up close to noon the morning after my Big Reveal (as I've come to call it). Kai was still sitting in the chair, his feet propped up on my bed. He took up so much space in my cramped room.

I was watching him sleep, his eyes closed, chin hanging down towards his chest, breathing evenly. I had to figure out what to do with him. I knew what I should do and what I wanted to do, and like usual, they weren't the same thing. The decision wasn't hard, though, because what I wanted was only a small fraction of my feelings.

My door creaked open, my mom's voice whispering my name. I saw her peak her head around the edge of the door, her eyes gliding over my room before landing on my bed. She was about to say something more, but her eyes darted back to Kai.

"There's a boy in your room," she states, more to herself than to me. "But he's not in your bed…"

She looked at me. "Parenting rules says I should punish you for this,"

"Are you going to?" It wasn't a challenge. I was genuinely curious about her reaction.

She seriously considered this. "I don't think I have the right at this point. Besides," her eyes darted back over to Kai, "he's still dressed."

"So…"

"So…" she drew out. She looked me in the eyes, as if waiting for a cue from me. "Do you want waffles?"

I was surprised, but it was a pleasant surprise. Even though she'd been different, I didn't expect it to last and thought she'd try to avoid our talk.

"Yes,"

"Does he want waffles?"

I looked over at Kai. He hadn't moved, but I noticed the slight change in his breathing. It was quicker. And his face was no longer relaxed, but there was a small puckering between his brows.

"No. He'll be leaving soon."

"Okay." She stared at him a moment longer before slowly closing my door and walking down the hall.

"I like waffles," Kai said when she left.

"I know. With fresh fruit and a little syrup."

His eyes opened and he looked at me with a narrowed gaze. I could almost see the cogs working in his head. "I understand," he said, standing up. He stretched, the hem of his shirt revealing a band of skin. I remembered taking off his shirt. "You need time with your mom."

Even though he said it, he didn't move. He was waiting for me to say something back. He knew what I was going to say, somehow. I hated how he knew me so well. And I loved it.

"Kai," I sighed. I lifted the sheets from my legs, slowly moved them to the floor and stood, facing him.

"Yes?"

He was going to make me say it. "You have to go,"

"I will,"

I waited for more, but he didn't move. I could feel him challenging me to make a final stand.

"You can't come back."

He didn't smirk like I expected him to. "I understand that you're mad. And you have every right to be,"

"Yes, I do."

"But the situation is not what you think it is."

"Maybe not," I allowed this. A small part of me wanted this to be true. To wrap my arms around him and forget what happened yesterday, and every day before that. "But that doesn't matter."

He frowned.

"Because whether or not you really care about me doesn't change what happened. It doesn't change what's going to happen. It doesn't change what needs to happen."

"Which is?"

I couldn't answer. I knew the answer, but I had no words. Everything I could come up with sounded cliché and stupid.

The full, honest answer was I needed to focus on me. So that's what I told him.

He didn't look amused or convinced of this reason.

"I have been walking around here like a zombie for two years. I have no idea what I like and what I don't like. I don't even know what's going to happen now, but I know everything is about to change and I need to figure out how to change with it. I know I can't go back to the way I was. But I don't know where I need to go. Or where I even want to go. Do you know what I mean?"

I said it all so quickly, the words tumbling over each other that the silence at the end just hung between us.

"You need to figure out who you are now so that you can allow yourself to be somebody without being afraid of the consequences."

So he did understand.

"But I don't see why you can't do that with me."

"Because I don't want you to influence me," he shook his head, already starting to argue. "No, _listen_." I said firmly. He stopped, looking at me.

"Unlike you, I didn't come into this relationship – whatever it was meant to be or is – under false pretenses. Everything I did and said was true to me. It was like…I stopped growing. I never made any progress. And then you showed up and I started to progress again. I want to continue to grow.

"But I also care about you. I want to make you happy. So if I'm trying to figure out who I am and I'm trying to make you happy at the same time, how is that going to work?"

He didn't respond. I could tell he was working to come up with an answer.

"What if I want to go see a movie but you don't like the plot or an actor or whatever? Would I go see it because it's what I want or would I not because you wouldn't like it?"

"You can see whatever movie you want,"

"That's not my point and you know it. My point is: I don't want your thoughts and opinions to influence mine before I've even had a chance to develop them."

"I think you're taking this too far."

"Maybe," I said as I walked up to him. I was determined to give him a hug, kiss on the cheek, and then send him away. "But there's more to it. I need to deal with my mom and now that the secret of Brooklyn is out, I have to deal with that. And I'm still mad at you."

"You're doing a good job of hiding it,"

"Yeah, well," I still love you, I didn't add. We hadn't said it, and I'm not even sure what I feel is love, but I do know that my heart aches when I think about the reality of the situation, despite his words.

"You know they're going to take Brooklyn to trail," he said. "At least let me help you through that."

"No. We end here."

"I don't want that."

"Well, too bad. It's my decision and you're going to respect it."

He raised his brow.

"You will if you care about me. If you care about me at all, you will listen to me."

He was quiet for a moment. He jaw clenched. "Do you think I'm just going to let you walk away?"

I smiled. "I don't know. As it turns out, I don't really know you all that well,"

"Hey," During this conversation, our voices had never risen above firm, so when he shouted I was unprepared. "What you don't know about me is how I am with other people, so believe me when I say you know me better than most."

I took a step back and crossing my arms. "I have no proof of that, thanks to you."

"I'm trying to fix that now."

"It shouldn't need to be fixed,"

"The situation was complicated,"

"You made it more complicated than it needed to be,"

"What would you have done if I'd just come up to you and asked about Brooklyn?"

I sputtered, my words caught in my throat.

"You would have ran. You would have never spoken to me again. I did what I needed to do."

"You _hurt_ me,"

"Not intentionally."

I licked my lips. Our conversation was getting more intense with each passing comment. Quietly, I said, "And what if you hadn't developed feelings for me? Where would that have left me? What were you going to do then? That was the original plan, right? Get in, get the information, get out."

"I didn't care about you, so I didn't care what would have happened to you." He refused to look away.

Refused to be ashamed of the truth.

"Then that's where we stand," I said. "Because I was not aware that you were the type of person who could walk into someone's life and destroy them. And then leave without ever looking back."

"I'm not,"

"You just said you were."

"Hilary," he whispered. It was a plea.

I looked away from him. Despite my anger and feelings of betrayal, I wanted to understand him and forgive him; to crawl into his arms and feel safe and protected.

"You should go now."

"Hilary," he sighed again.

"Really. You can use the door this time. My mom knows you're here."

I stepped aside, waving my arm toward the door as if to show him the brand new hole in the wall he could walk through. With a huff, he brushed pass me.

Before he left, he turned back. "Just because I'm leaving right now doesn't mean this is over,"

He walked away before I could reply, but even if he allowed be to say something, I wouldn't have.

I waited until I heard the front door shut before heading down to meet my mom.

She was sitting at the dining room table, much as she was before. The wine was missing, replaced with a plate of waffles and a bottle of syrup.

"Well," she drawled, "he is _very_ cute."

I don't know what I was expecting. "Mom!"

"He looked upset," she continued undeterred. "Did he deserve it?"

"Yes,"

"Good."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Silence fell, both of us still unsure around each other.

"You should sit; eat."

"Okay," I took a seat on her left, forking two of the waffles and plopping them on my plate.

"So…"

"Look, Mom," I waved my hand, "this is going to take too long if we say only one word at a time, so just say what you want to say."

"I think we should move."

She said it so matter of fact, so quickly, that I had to pause.

"Okay."

"Hilary. It's not going to be now, I know that, but we can't stay here. This place, it's not healthy for us. I want to go somewhere else where we can be new."

"Okay."

"But you're going to be needed here. We can wait. I've been saving, so money won't be an issue for a while. It's going to be complicated, with the baby and all, but there's a few things I can check out. Either way, I'm sure we'll be fine in the long run."

My mom is a no-nonsense woman and always logical and practical, so her entire speech was delivered as if we were making the final negotiations of a business deal.

"Okay."

"But we won't move it you don't want to," she hastily added. Despite my mixed feelings for Kai still swirling around my head, I felt warmth for my mom and her desire to include me in this decision.

I thought about what I wanted. Hadn't I just told Kai I needed to work on me? Leaving sounded so…final. I would be leaving everything behind – all of the good that came with the bad. My dad was buried here, Ming-Ming as well. There were plenty of good memories here.

Bad memories taint the good ones, though.

"Leaving sounds nice," I replied slowly, drawing out each word. Even to my own ears, I sounded unsure. Like I was asking a question.

My mom nodded. "Well, we don't have to decide now."

We finished our breakfast in silence and then dispersed into our own areas of the house. Even though we were trying to mend broken fences, it wasn't all that easy. I liked our pace though.

Later in the evening, Detective Tanaka called me to let me know that she'd gotten everything together and had brought Brooklyn in for questioning. They tried to do it as quiet as possible, but she wasn't sure how long it would stay that way.

It didn't stay quiet for long. By the next morning, the news reports focused on the police reopening the case, Coach Granger's conviction, and Brooklyn's arrest. They rehashed what happened then and talked about what was going on now. Everyone was taking sides and sometimes it got ugly.

My mom let me hide away from everything, even forcing me to turn off the television, which I had been glued to since the news broke.

Kai'd stopped by a few times, but she kindly chased him off. I was grateful for her support in this.

Soon, I had been called in for questioning again. I know the others I'd given to Tanaka were also called in. She explained that I would have to be a witness at the trail and that I would be attacked. I expected this, but it was brutal, nonetheless. I was accused of helping Brooklyn, being his partner. Of taking part in the act.

Of being the instigator.

I was accused of framing Brooklyn.

Honestly, I think it was only because of the other's testimonies, especially Julia's and Detective's Tanaka's, that I came away as clean as I did. There is no law that states a person is obligated to report a crime. I, however, did concealed evidence that would have prevented an innocent man from being arrested and put the guilty one away. And technically, I was an "accessory after the fact".

Detective Tanaka stated that she always believed Brooklyn was guiltier that he appeared, using her reports from that time to support her claim. Her reports also revealed how troubled she thought I was. She insisted that I didn't hide the evidence to help Brooklyn, but did it because I was afraid of him. Her reports clearly stated that I wasn't speaking and that she thought I should she a psychologist that specialized in trauma. She made sure that they knew I was the only reason new evidence had come into light.

Julia recounted the day Brooklyn questioned her about me, how dangerous he seemed then.

Kai and Tala both spoke, answering questions with precise words that painted Brooklyn as a boy with anger problems and a history of violence. I am still unsure of how they found most of their information, but I've learned that I don't want to know Tala's methods for anything.

All was falling into place and after weeks, Brooklyn was found guilty and Coach Granger was released. The last time I left the courthouse, I saw Tyson. His grandfather stood next to him actually crying, but Tyson just looked at me.

When everything had first come out, Tyson would glare at me. Eventually, he switched to just ignoring me. I understood. I mean, his brother spent years in prison because of me. Coache's reputation was ruined and their family had to suffer through this.

But now Tyson wasn't glaring. He was looking at me with a blank expression. Maybe I caught a glimmer of thankfulness in his eyes, maybe I was misreading things. Either way, I nodded and turned away from him. This would be the last time we see each for a while, if not the last time, period. I wanted to leave it on a good note. Just this once.

Things have changed so quickly, I think as movers walk in and out of the house carrying boxes and furniture. Mom found a house a few towns over. Easy and new enough to give us a fresh start, but not so daunting and hard on her. She's started to show now and sometimes I find her fondling her stomach. As scared as she is to be a mom again, I know she'll be fine. There's nothing that baby will want for.

Except maybe, it's father.

But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

The house is almost empty when I hear a familiar engine pulling up. My eyes cut to my mom and I can tell she recognizes it now, too. She lifts her eyebrows in a question and I shake my head. I've got to face him. It's the last chance I've got. I avoided him as much as possiblen during the trail.

He's walking up, taking in the movers and the moving truck. I meet him halfway down.

"What's this?"

I pause. He looks hurt and confused for a second, but then it's covered up under the mask I first met and have seen these past months.

"We're moving," I answer. "We can't stay here."

"In this house?"

"In this city."

He shakes his head. "Hilary, he's gone. He can't hurt you now. I won't let him. How can you not believe that?"

"I believe that," – I think – "but, it's not about you. It's about me and my mom and my family. It's not about you at all."

He lifts an eyebrow. "Not even a little?"

I don't reply to his teasing.

"Did I ever manage to tell you my mom's pregnant? That's what I was coming to tell you that night when…"

When I discovered his plan and the small support system I'd developed fell from under me.

"No,"

"Well, she is." I say as brightly as I can manage. Like this hasn't been another loop in the roller coaster that has been my life for the past two years. "Four months now."

"That's…"

"We've been talking a bit more. She had to quit her job. But everything is okay. We just—" I pause, realizing, again, that I've started to unload all of my problems on him. Because despite everything, he is easy to talk to. "We can't stay here."

He nods and looks away. Tense. Mad. "Do I get an address?"

"No," I say, and smile. "Because it is about you, too," I pinch my fingers together, "a little."

Just now proves that I'm still too depended on him. I can't control myself. I can't even keep things superficial between us.

"I can probably find you, you know."

He has all the resources, of course. "Then don't."

"Hilary, do you even understand what you're asking?"

I take a deep breath, trying to prepare words. I try to figure out how I feel about him now. I love him, I think. I definitely care about him. There's a part of me that's angry, but it's fading with time. I try to think about how I'll feel about him in the future.

I can't, but my plan is to change. And I can't if know the new me I'm planning on creating will match with Kai in the future.

"I'm not saying never, Kai," I start out slowly, testing the words. Are these the words I want to say? "I'm just saying not _now_."

"When?"

I smile at the artlessness. He knows what he wants and isn't afraid to demand it.

"You don't believe in fate, but you're holding pretty tightly onto me? Do you think if it weren't for this, we would have ever met?"

He stares at me, probably trying to figure out where I'm going with this. He probably thinks I've lost my mind.

"Even if you're school had really burned down – which I don't believe was an accident, by the way – do you think you would have talked to me? Or would you have seen the way I was treated and just passed me by because I wasn't your business?"

"What I would have done under different circumstances has no bearing on the current situation."

"I think it does,"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I would have passed you by because you were not my business. But you are now," Kai urges. "You are."

"You are looking at this too logically. Maybe this isn't about logic. In fact, this has nothing to do with logic or reason or thinking at all rationally."

He doesn't answer, so I continue.

"Then give it time. And live your life, Kai, because I plan to live mine. If you see a girl you like, go for her. Don't wait for me. Don't plan for me. Because I don't know where we'll be when we meet again, and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"So, you don't understand what you're asking."

I narrow my eyes, confused by his response before I remember his earlier question and laugh.

"You'll be fine, Kai. We'll both be fine."

His stare is intense. I know, deep down, I've hurt him. He deserves it, of course. I can't think what I'm doing to him compares to what he did to me. It doesn't mean I like doing this, all the same. I care deeply for him, I can admit that.

He turns silently and starts down the driveway to his car. I watch him go, a small fraction of me just dying to call out to him – to sooth his pain and mine. But I can't. And he won't ask again.

With a final flash of his stony expression, Kai disappears into his car and drives off. I stay standing in the same spot staring after him, until my mom drags me away.

Months later, I find myself actually enjoying my final year of high school. I have friends, not clients. I'm still able to use my talent for listening, since it's a fundamental part of who I am, but it's just not the same. Things are like before, only better.

Through research, prompted by my therapist and pursued by my own interest, I've come to learn a lot about people and how the mind works in general. It's helped me to come to terms with what I can and cannot change about myself.

So, as I walk home accompanied by one of my new friends, listening to her talk about this boy and her crush, I don't feel weighed down by it. I feel energized and able to offer advice on the situation. And the one of the most amazing thing happens when she's finished talking.

She asks about me.

And I tell her. Things are fine between my mom and me, though they are still strained at times. My little brother helps with that. He's the bridge between us. I'm excited about graduating, and yes, I still plan on majoring in psychology. I really don't see any other option for me. But I am nervous because it's a new environment.

"I can't see how anything could rock you," she mentions, tilting her head at me.

"What do you mean?"

She hesitates. "Well, after what you went through. I don't mean to bring it up again, but after that, I don't think there's anything you could be afraid of," she finishes quietly, quickly adding, "Plus, you just moved here and you did fine."

I smile, proud to take the compliment. "I'm not so much afraid or scared of changing again, I just hate not knowing what to expect. But it's something I know I can do, you know."

She nods, probably thinking about her upcoming trip. I'm just a short drive away; she's going across the county. I'll miss her company, I think for a moment.

She stops dead in her tracks, pale green eyes widening. "Whoa," she whispers in awe. "Who's that?"

I follow her direction leading up to my new driveway and almost laugh and cry at the same time. Leaning against his car, which is actually parked in front of my driveway, is Tala. His arms are crossed over his chest, emphasizing his lean body and well-formed biceps, and, yeah, I guess the sun is hitting him at just the right angle.

"You know him?"

This time I pause. "Kinda," I sigh. It sounds painful.

Tala looks at me, like he knew I have been here all this time, but there's no way he could hear me at this distance.

"Oh, my god," she whispers, "those eyes."

"Don't look directly at them," I whisper, "or you'll die."

She laughs and shoves me. "Besides, I thought you had a crush,"

"You mean whatshisface,"

"Yeah," I say slowly, "Whatshisface."

"Can you introduce me to him?"

I look at Tala. He's still looking directly at us, and by the look on his face, he knows exactly what we're talking about.

"Now's probably not the right time," I answer. "Maybe another time."

She looks at me, begging me to change my mind, but I can't. Even if Tala were here just a social call, that pairing would be disastrous.

"I think he has a girlfriend," I add, just to make it final.

Her shoulders sink. "Okay, Fine." With a quick hug, she continues on her way, yet I notice a little swing in her hips as she passes by Tala. He looks, of course, though I don't know if it's because interested, trying to annoy me, or a pig in general. He's still hard to read.

"So," I say when I reach him, "it's been a while, old friend. How are ya?" I was trying to add humor, but it falls flat between us.

Tala's gracious or maybe just crazy enough to play along. "I'm good. The whole town was in a frenzy for a couple of months after you left. My girlfriend broke up with me,"

"Wow," I interject, though it was a bit more sarcastic than I intended. Mostly I was surprised that he used the term 'girlfriend' so freely.

"Yeah, first one ever. That was really fun," he pauses as if to think. "Oh, yeah, and my best friend can't stop moping around after some girl. It's been a blast."

Now that he's brought it up, like he planned, I can't skip over it. We stare at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Tala breaks first. "He misses you. He won't let you go."

I sigh. I want to walk away right now. But I don't, because somehow in my twisted mind, I owe Tala. The least I can do is listen to him. "Give it _time_. He's the type that can let relationships go."

"Yeah, when he see that it can't work," Tala stated. "But, Hilary, he still thinks it can."

I stare at him. "How do you…"

"What, you think you're the only one who's taken a course in psychology?"

I lift an eyebrow, actually surprised.

"Kai's not that hard to figure out when you think about it,"

"No, he's not."

"You understand, then? Why I'm here?"

"I'm not going back," I tell him bluntly. "And I'm not contacting him."

Tala all but growls with frustration. "Why not?"

My anger flares up in defense. "Because it hurts."

"Terra is my cousin, basically my sister,"

"Okay."

"And he has been my closest friend since we were two,"

"_Okay_."

"So, of course I sought out his help when I thought her _life_ was in _danger_," he stresses. "If you recall, I tried to get to you first."

"I remember, and I understand."

"Then why are you being such a pain about this?"

"Because of how he handled it," I almost scream. "I've handled situations horribly, too. There's no hiding that. It was all blasted over the news, remember? But I've never deliberately set out to mess with someone's feelings! What Kai did, dragging me into a false relationship, and then trying to convince me it will all be okay because it was actually real? That was too much. Give me one good reason to forgive him."

"Because it was real for him," Tala says, his voice much calmer than before. "Kai doesn't fake emotions. He doesn't play people like that. True, I told him I needed information from you and that the best way to do it was to make you comfortable talking, but he doesn't relate to people on an emotional level. He would have never gone after you from that angle if it wasn't real for him as well."

My shoulders tighten toward my ears. "I can't trust that."

Tala looks me straight in the eyes, studying me for a while. "I think you do,"

I look away, afraid to consider his words.

"So, Julia broke up with you, huh?"

I kept in touch with Julia and she had told me that she'd finally put an end to her relationship with "mystery guy," but had never given me a name. She still seemed bummed about it, but she was moving on slowly. When Tala mentioned that his girlfriend broke up with him, it was like something clicked. Julia was the "mystery girl" from the restaurant. Tala was the no-name boyfriend.

If he's surprised I know, he doesn't show it. "Something about the way I used this girl," he looks at me. For once, I see regret in his eyes. "I could have done it better, too, but you don't make things easy."

I don't say anything. I can't tell if that was supposed to be an apology or not.

"But, please. Kai wouldn't have done this if it wasn't for me. Julia wouldn't have broken up with me if I had treated the situation – if I had treated you – with the respect it deserved. I am sorry. So, please don't take it out on him."

"It's good you hear you say that," I reply. And it's true. I heard "sorry" in there, and even I know that's a big thing for Tala. "But this isn't just about him either. It's a little bit about me, too, you know."

"Yeah, Kai said you needed time to find yourself or something," Tala kicks the ground.

"I just wanted some time to be me without all of _that_ hanging over my head,"

"Whatever," He's all business now. He's said what he wanted to say, and it didn't work.

"Sometimes you can't fix everything, Tala," I remind him. "Sometimes it doesn't need to be fixed."

He nods, likely not listening. "Terra still asks about you, by the way."

"Tell her I'm fine," I smile, pleased. "And that I say 'hi.' How is she?"

"Better now. It was hard at first, but she's strong."

"Probably a lot like her big brothers," I say.

He looks at me, and slowly that wolfish grin spreads through his lips, brightening his entire face. Tala, for all his faults, is probably one of the best people I know. I should probably remind Julia of that.

Tala opens his car door, but before he gets in, he pauses. "Do you still think about him, at least?"

"What would it matter?" I'm uncomfortable with the question. The answer could be more dangerous in his hands that anybody else's.

He fixes me with a daring glower. "It does matter,"

"Yes. Often, in fact." He wouldn't have believed a lie anyway.

"Good," he says, finally getting in, "that's all I needed."

I step back as he starts the engine and takes off. I'm afraid that he'll go back to Kai and tell him all of this, trying to give him hope.

I wish he doesn't. If Kai and I meet in the future, I want our start then to be real and completely organic, not because he's holding onto some past expectation. I want it to work between us because it can work, not because he forces it to work.

Shaking my head, I wall into my new home, dropping my book bag on the floor. My brother's cry of happiness greats me from the living room as he bounces in his rolling chair. Our mom comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel.

"Was that—"

"Yep."

"Are you okay, Hil?"

I pick up our newest member, bouncing him in my arms as he laughs. "I'll be fine," I tell her. And I mean it. Honestly.

* * *

Yes, I know it's been over a year. Yes, it's been killing me! I could make excuses, all of them valid (in my head) but none of them useful here. Just know that the last chapter is done and ready to be edited. It will not be another year before you see it. I promise that.

Thank you, all who have waited! You mean so much to me.


	13. Speaker and Listener

I said I would let it happen naturally, but I suppose with him, this is as natural as it's going to get.

"You look fine," Mariam's bored voice intoned from behind me. She was stretched out on my bed, blue hair fanning my sheets as I fidgeted in the mirror of my closet door. We'd been roommates for a little over two years, both of us finishing our fourth year of university.

"I want this to be right," I reply, adjusting my shirt for the hundredth time. Maybe I should try the blue one again.

"He called you," she reminds me as she sits up. "He's called you every year twice a year since I've known you."

I silently look at her.

"And then he didn't call. So you called him,"

I blink, remembering that I am putting myself through this.

"Trust me, it'll be right. He isn't going to care about your shirt or what you're wearing or if your hair's down or up. You've finally agreed to see him."

I sigh and look back to my reflection. "It is just coffee,"

"To you," Mariam laughs. "To him it's angels smiling down on him; it's a rainbow after the hurricane; it's—"

"I get it."

She stands and stares me down through the mirror. Eventually, she smiles. "Even if I don't get it—this thing between you two—I'm glad you're finally giving him a chance. It seems like he's earned it."

I shrug and pursue my lips. "It was never about earning it," I say.

Her smile weakens a little. "Whatever you say," she calls as she leaves my room.

He's there early, which I expected. He's found us a table against a window that's in a less busy section of the coffee shop. I place my order with the barista and slowly walk over to him. I know he knows I'm here, but he doesn't move – doesn't even look away from the passerby's outside.

I pull out my chair and take a seat. He finally looks at me. I wondered what this moment would be like. Seeing him again, meeting him, talking to him. But mostly, looking into his eyes again. I figured I'd be taken back to years ago when our time was ours. At that time, when I decided to talk—really talk to him—I made it a point to look into his eyes. I got to know them quite well.

But I'm not taken back to then.

I am right here, in this place, with all our history behind us. And it doesn't hurt me at all.

"You look good," he says first. A small contraction of his eyes leads me to believe that wasn't want he wanted to say.

I smile, charmed by his nervousness. He sounded surprised when I agreed to meet him after all the times I had said no. "You, too."

He looked older and not in the teenager-to-young adult older, but truly aged. As much as I wanted to focus on me, I still couldn't keep all my attention off him. I'd picked up pieces from the news about his business dealings, but most of my information came from Julia supplying it without reserve. I know he's been through a lot, especially since graduating from school.

From the news, I know that he's taken control of almost half of the company, leaving his grandfather as president.

From Julia, I know he blackmailed his grandfather to get that portion of the company and that he continues to blackmail him into doing what he wants.

He did say that he had a plan. I wonder what stopped him from taking full control, which was what he originally wanted.

We look away from each other when the waitress delivers my drink, and refills the cup of straight black coffee he has sitting in front of him.

"What made you say yes?" He asks as I take a sip of my coffee. It burns the tip of my tongue, but it's made perfectly. The sweetness soothes my nervous the tiniest bit.

My eyes widen and I almost choke. "Going straight for it, huh?" I laugh lightly, wiping my lips.

"You always said no before," he answers, "I'd almost given up hope of seeing you again. I want to know what made you change your mind."

"I want to know what made you call me regularly for three and a half years," I counter, smiling to let him know I'm not accusing him of something.

"You know why,"

He is serious, no smile or gentleness about him. Julia told me he's this way now. Even without her forewarning, I shouldn't be surprised.

"I wanted time," I reply, serious too. "But I never stopped thinking about you. I was upset that you couldn't respect me enough to let me come back to you on my own, if that's what I wanted. You kept calling, reminding me that you existed, that you wanted to see me. It made me feel guilty more than anything else. That's why I said no."

"That's great, Hilary," he says, his sarcasm cuts like a sharp dagger. "I got that. It's why I stopped calling. I was starting to feel like a stalker, and I could only imagine you were comparing me to Brooklyn. But why did you call me?"

I pause, thinking of the proper way to answer. "I've never compared you to Brooklyn," I start. It is sometimes hard for me to deal with that, but my therapist had given me some tools and it's been getting easier. "Your attention toward me was different. It was just frustrating. Like I said, I felt disrespected.

"But then you stopped calling. I waited, but the call never came. Then I was able to live without thinking of them. Without thinking of you, except as a passing thought."

He looks out the window. "Which is what you wanted,"

"Yeah. It is." I tell him gently, but honestly. "I don't want my life to revolve around you, is that so bad?"

"No. Of course not," he answers just the same, "I just wanted to be part of it."

"And you are. You are a part of me now. Probably always will be."

He sits back. His body language tells me that he's uncomfortable. This conversation is probably not going the way he wanted. He wants to remove himself from the situation.

"So, is that how it's going to be?"

I shrug. "If that's how you want it,"

His visage visibly breaks. He's confused and a little devastated that I would suggest such a thing.

"But these last few months," I continue without letting him speak, "I've been thinking of you more and more. I've wanted to ask Julia about you specifically. I wondered what you would think of certain things. I've gone places and seen things and wished you were there," I laugh, "I've held conversation in my head with you."

He stares at me.

"Kai," I say, finally, "I've missed you. I want to talk to you again. So, tell me," I lean forward, fully engaged in him, "how are you?"

"You've missed me?"

I nod.

"That's it, you've missed me?"

I nod again.

He smirks and my heart beats a little faster.

"Things have been good," he begins. "After you left, I let my grandfather know that he wasn't going to control my life anymore. I would be openly associating with whomever I wanted. And openly ignoring whomever I wanted."

I think about the morning I met his grandfather and was proud Kai stood up to him. I knew he would one day, but it's good to know that he did it for something meaningful. I don't interrupt his story with my thoughts, though.

"I finished school living in that house, but we avoided each other more than ever before. It felt good being able to lead my own life again, and when I turned eighteen, I moved out. I went to him with all the information I'd collected on his more illicit dealings and leveraged a good amount of the company away from him. Enough that I would have the control to influence the direction of the company, but I left him enough that he'd need to deal with the paperwork. It was shady, yes, but I've turned the company around. It's more like my father wanted, which makes me happy. And the fact that I'm not president leaves me time to do the things I want. I know he's working on a way to turn it around, gain the upper hand again. I keep up with him. It's a game we play."

"Why do you say that it was shady?" I ask. I know why I think it was shady – it involved blackmailing, which left me with a bad taste in my mouth for obvious reasons – but I want to know what bothered him about it.

"I wish I could have gotten the company honestly, through hard work, but that's not the world I live in. It's certainly not the world he lives in. So, I played his game and came out on top." He smirks again. "Even in that, it's something I'm proud of. I won."

He's not so different after all. That thought makes me happy as he continues to tell his story. Terra will be graduating this year, and Tala plans to propose to Julia. I squeal when he tells me, and he makes me promise not to tell anyone.

"Don't worry. I can keep a secret," I joke. Kai almost laughs, but it falters.

He travels a lot. It reminds me that he doesn't have to work at all. He's got all the money he'd ever need; his ownership of the company is for his own personal enjoyment, not necessity.

But he loves hard work and business, and he's naturally ambitious so he's been working on some things that he plans to announce within the next few years. He's vague about them and I let him keep those secrets. This is going well. We're falling into our old roles and if this continues, we'll be talking again soon and often. There's no need to rush anything today.

He hasn't said a lot, but he asks about me. I know he's more willing to hear about me than talk about himself.

"I'm finishing my undergraduate degree in Psychology soon," he nods, as this was the obvious course for me. I'll be surprised if I tell him something he doesn't already know. Just because he hasn't called doesn't mean he didn't keep tabs on me. "It'll be another six or seven years of school after this, but I'm having fun. I want to kill myself most of the time, but it's fun."

"What are you working for?"

"I want to be a Child Psychologist, maybe a Social Psychologist. Who knows. I've still got time to decide."

"And how's your mother and brother?"

"They're really good. He's starting kindergarten soon and she's running her own business. It's small, but it brings her a lot of joy. And he makes her happy. He's just this little buddle of bliss that pops up whenever she's feeling down. The change is amazing."

"You look happier, too,"

"It's impossible not to be," I reply. I think about the strides I've made. "You know, there was a time when I was convinced I wouldn't make it out of high school, because of Brooklyn or myself," I take a deep breath, "It's kind of because of you that I'm here,"

He shook his head. "You had the final say in all of it,"

I know he won't take credit. I've made him feel too bad about the situation. "Fine," I say, "split it. It was both of us."

He smiles softly. Clearing his throat he says, "You know, I can see your point now,"

"What do you mean?"

"Why you needed to leave. Separate yourself from all of that, including me. I really get it now. I can see how good it's been for you."

It's hard for him to admit that he was wrong then. It's hard for him to admit what he's thinking now. I'm so happy he does though. It makes me confident that this will work. I wanted this to be natural. I wanted us to end up in the same place at the same time and for it to just be there; for _us_ to be there.

But I had to call him. I had to talk to him and see him. Maybe that's natural for us. Just because I had to force this meeting doesn't mean this isn't how it's supposed to be. This conversation, while it's had rough points, was completely us. It flowed like it did before. It was natural to who we are.

"Thank you,"

A silence falls between us. I already know, but he's still trying to figure me out. He doesn't know what I'm thinking, though he'd like to. I'm not as easy to read as I was before. When he was speaking, I could feel him holding back, but also letting go. He shared with me more than he shared with most, based on a trust he developed in me years ago. He still hopes that it's there.

It is. I want him to know that he can trust me.

"I was really nervous coming here tonight," I admit. He lifts an eyebrow, encouraging me to continue. "I didn't know what you were expecting from this or if you would be mad or if we would still be us, you know. I was scared that we'd both changed so much, that we wouldn't work."

"Was?"

"Yeah, as in no longer,"

I smile, hoping he can see what I'm implying. We still have a long way to go. There's still so much we need to learn about each other, but I'm willing to go there. I'm willing to put in those long hours and all that effort if he is. I've forgiven him finally. I can enjoy his company without being hurt by what he did. Maybe it's because I've grown, maybe it's because of time, or maybe it's because I'd rather have him around than stay mad at him forever. I understand what he did. I don't agree with it, but I understand it. And I can see he's changed. He has a different way of dealing with situations now. I want to know everything that's changed about him.

Above all, I want to hear his thoughts on things, all of his ideas. I want to see his mind working like I did before. I want to watch as he explores a new concept until he understands it completely, to its smallest then as he tries to perfect it.

I want to listen to him.

That's what I hope he sees.

Kai studies me intently, analyzing my face and my words, trying to figure out their exact meaning. He's intelligent and he knows me, so I wait for him decipher the clues.

At last, he smiles.

_An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, step in inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually and extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again."_

— _M. Scott Peck, MD_


	14. Final Author's Note

So there it is. The end. Happy enough for you, I hope. It's been a long time coming. I started the original version of this story in 2007. It gives me a warm feeling to know it's finished. I'm sorry it took so long.

Thank you for all you're wonderful reviews and replies. One of my favorite parts of this was hearing your thoughts and reactions, especially what you thought was going to happen next. I loved every minute of it. I loved getting to know you. I hope to hear from you one more time.

_Konix _


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